Get in shape first. Abusing anything is bad for you. If you are older, middle age as you described, then a judicious use of steroids will be good for you. In fact, you have a need for testosterone supplementation much more than a younger person since your levels are much lower. Get on HRT pronto. Then start finding out the best way to get on replacement dose of HGH. Using 100-200 mg of test/wk and 2iu gh/day will go a long way in increasing quality of life and making your training more productive. This is a far cry from the 2000mg+/wk and 10-15 gh/day involved in the mutation process. All of life is a matter of degrees.