WYHI - More POF

[lovemonkey]

a glimpse into an unsettling mind... would we be any different had we been raised in her world?

(btw, you can google this chick's name, britt cavallari, to see that she is, indeed, a real person.  graduate of USC law school)

behold:


Hi. My name is Brittney, and I think I might be impossible to please. I apologize ahead of time.

So I'm just going to give a little summary of what I'm on here for. I'm not really expecting anything, I'm just looking to see what this site is about and check out the people on here. Right now I would be looking for someone who just wanted to get to know each other, and possibly have it go further. I'm not looking for a guy who wants to casually go on dates, or hook up.. or who is even into hooking up for that matter. In fact the thought of dating a virgin kind of intrigues me. But yeah, that's pretty much it. I would also like to give you a heads up, my profile is probably going to make you think of me in a negative light. That wasn't my intention. However, I do believe in getting the negatives about people out of the way, so that you can then work on appreciating the positives. Because I would not want you to get to know me for my positives, to then later find out that my negatives outweigh the positives. This goes for any potential partner of mine, as well. I always like to know the negatives about a person early on, so that we don't waste either of our times. It may sound silly, but I truly believe this is a much better way of getting to know someone. You may continue now.

So let me just get some things out of the way. If you:

- are younger than 24, or are older than 40
- drink
- smoke (anything)
- have many friends
- enjoy partying and nightlife
- have children
- consider yourself confident
- go on casual dates, or are looking to casually date
- consider yourself 'outgoing'
- have an attention-demanding job
- are or have been in the military
- have had more sexual encounters than you can count
- would rather be doing an outdoor activity than an indoor activity
- excessively play video games
- don't have a lot of free time that you're willing to put into a relationship with me

Then I'm not going to be interested in you. So we can save both of us time by having you stop here. However if everything is good, I'd like to let you know that you should read the "you should message me" part, because I have sort of a form for you to message me with. Or at least a foundation.

So ANYWAY, if you're still interested in me and think I would be interested in you...

This is copied from my Facebook "bio" section:

I am the nicest, most loving and caring person you would ever meet. And the sweetest thing to ever come from Southern California!

NOT.

I don't have any patience.
I don't put up with bullshit.
I'm jaded, I'm bitchy, I'm controlling, and I have major trust issues.
So don't be surprised when you decide for yourself that you don't like me.
'Cause I won't be.

~

DISCLAIMER: This shit's long. But read it anyway. I've probably never read it, it's mostly just a bunch of random thoughts put into one giant ass paragraph and is also outdated I'm sure, but I've been told it's entertaining. But please don't make references to it. That's annoying.

Anyyyyyway, I suppose this is where I'm supposed to write my life story for the creepers who don't know me. Hey creepers! And if you do know me then I'm probably not gonna tell you anything you don't already know here. I live by myself, and I have since I was 18. I don't have any tolerance or patience for assholes, resistance, ignorance, and generally annoying dweebers. I'm very blunt and honest, and I'm most likely not like any female you've ever met. Though I think most chicks feel that way about themselves, so I guess you'll just have to find out for yourself. I like to hang out with my friends and go to the beach occasionally, but a lot of my time is spent at home. I'm a homebody. I'm not shy by any means, I just like my personal time. Thank god for the Internet to keep me social when I'm not out! Anyway. I'm a generally open person, I don't mind answering any kinds of questions, as long as you don't expect an elaborate answer about something that I don't care about. For guys, I'm not picky look-wise, in fact looks mean almost nothing to me, but I'm very picky personality and values-wise. I'm really difficult to impress, I'm very stubborn, and I know what I want. But the last thing I want is me turning 40 and being lonely and single knowing I'm like that because I was too picky when I was younger. But that's a risk I'm willing to take, because I will not settle, and I know whoever will snag me will be a lucky guy. In fact, he's going to be so amazing, I probably won't even deserve him. I guess that's a little contradicting. I don't care if you're in shape, fat, skinny, whatever. To be honest I like bigger guys, definitely not skinny guys. I'm very sexual, but by no means am I going to go whore myself out. I don't go having sex with every guy I think is hot. Sex means more to me than just getting off. If you're having sex with someone that means nothing to you, it's nothing more than masturbating with another person. Oh and I guess with that said I don't go for guys who've boned a bunch of chicks, total turn off. If you've had sex with more than 10 people and you're still in your 20's, you're not my type. Don't think that I'm a typical California blonde, because if you even begin to think of me as that type of person, you'll most certainly be getting the wrong impression. I am a girly girl, I almost always have to have makeup on my face, nails on my fingers, and my hair done. I hate chicks who don't take care of themselves. I'm kind of a self-centered stuck up snobby bitch. What can I say? I'll be the first one to tell you that. I'm not going to deny it, that's how I come off to most people. Just don't get stuck up mixed with uptight, because I'm not uptight at all. There're very few people/things in my life at the moment who I can honestly say I love and care for. I don't enjoy going on dates, dating is such a waste of time and money. I really hate open ended questions, like "what do you like to do on your spare time?" and shit like that. It also really annoys me when people message me and are like "Hey, what's up, how are you, what're you doing blah blah." I mean come on, it's not like you actually care, you're just trying to have a conversation, and I hate unnecessary ones. Get straight to the point. When most people ask me what I like to do for fun or what I do in my spare time, and I say nothing, they think either I'm kidding or I don't want to talk to them. Well I'm not joking. I'm one of those people who aren't going to make an effort to get to know you. So you have to make the first move. What's that quote.. "We put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." But when I do care about someone, I'm probably the most compassionate person you'd ever meet. I can usually tell right off the bat whether I can get along with someone or not. I can't stand religious people. If you believe in god and/or are religious, there's something mentally wrong with you. You're either insane, or just a complete moron. So please stay away, and get a clue. Thanks. What else... erm... Yeah, you probably won't like me. I'm very crude and blunt, I don't filter anything I say or candy coat it. I hate to have that cliche saying but.. either you love me or you hate me. If you can't take the heat then get out of my fucking conversation. That's really what it comes down to. Nothing I ever say is ever meant to be harmful or personal. I have no reason to be like that to anyone, but I come off like that. I'll apologize ahead of time. Mentally weak people will not last. I do not want to have kids, I hate kids, and I most likely don't want to get married, but I'm not sure. It's one of those things that are like, I don't need to sign papers and go through a ceremony just to prove that I love someone. I believe abortions should be MANDATORY. I hate children. Did I mention I hate children?? I absolutely hate them. They're disgusting whiney little brats. I don't care what you say, they ALL are, and I never want to have one of them in my life. Ugh. I'm a grammar whore, if you couldn't already tell, I always type with perfect grammar. Even though most of the time I'm too lazy to use the shift key. if u typ lyk diiz, den dunt even b0thr talkin 2mi. "U" instead of "you" even bothers me, I mean come on, two letters isn't going to kill your typing speed. At least take the time to make yourself not look like a 12 year old mentally ill child. I guarantee I type faster than you and I don't type like that. And if you make any mistakes, and I correct you, don't get offended. I'm only trying to help. I consider myself to be above normal intelligence. I think that's what intrigues people about me. That, and I'm just really down to earth. I can't cook. I'm just awful at it, though I make really good scrambled eggs. And I can bake! I consider myself to know a substantial amount about computers, so if you have any problems with yours, or you would like any tips from me, I would love to answer them! As long as you're on a PC. Macs suck. Oh and I do some amateur photo editing, so if you need anything done, just ask me. I'm willing to at least try to achieve what you'd like done, I think it's fun. Don't message me or ever tell me how beautiful I am, or how bad you want to boink me, because frankly I really don't care. Or better yet, I already know. I don't need an ego boost. My ego is already ridiculous as it is. Plus it really annoys me when people think they're getting some kind of kudos when they remind me. And don't get pissy when I concur with you. I don't see why it's OK for you to tell me I'm attractive, yet I can't agree with you. So basically, I'm an odd bitch who you probably won't like if you take me literally all the time. I do love my life, contrary to what some people seem to believe. If I wasn't satisfied with it I would work on changing it. I am appreciative of what I have. And, yeah! Congrats you just read that entire thing. Oh and the most important thing.. do not over-analyze anything I said in this thing because even I didn't put that much thought into this. I occasionally like rambling on about things.

And, since everyone always asks me what kind of guys I usually go for, I suppose I'll try to explain that here in further detail. My ideal partner would be of Atheist nature, who does not want kids (since I can't stand them and most certainly don't want them), who is not currently, or has been for a while, sexually active, and has little to no friends. In a relationship I can get jealous easily, not from other girls, but friends. It's probably an attention thing, I don't know. I also don't want them to smoke, and preferably don't want them to drink. If you still think partying and going to bars and clubs is cool, you need to grow up, and you're not mature enough for my taste. Oh and you have to be extremely loving and romantic, I'm tired of guys who aren't like that, because I'd like to think that I am myself. And recently I've been getting into astrology. I know there are people out there who don't believe in that shit, but based on previous history of guys I've been with, and my extensive knowledge about how people think and act, I most certainly do. I'm a Cancer, and those go best with Pisces and other Cancers. So if you're a Pisces or a Cancer, hollar. As far as looks go, I really don't care. I guess I do prefer larger guys, I'm not really a huge fan of skinny guys, but I'm not someone who's shallow and wouldn't be with someone because of the way they physically look or how big their penis is. Neither of those matter to me much. I care about personality. I hate when guys think that I'm out of their league. You can at least try to go after me, what do you have to lose? You're not gonna know unless you ask. But know that I'm really picky and I know what I want, and if that's not you, it's probably nothing personal. There are certain things I'm willing to look past but it's pretty important that the person has a similar lifestyle to me, likes the same music, TV shows, stuff like that - things we would be able to talk about and do. Like I said, I don't like guys who party and go out all the time, or at all, really. I'm more of a homebody, and I really don't go out that much. I have a lot of free time, which I usually spend at home. So I would prefer someone similar to that. Oh and I hate prude guys. I mean, ideally I would like someone like me, someone who is sexual, but doesn't NEED sex. There are obviously other things that I look for in a guy, but if I were to tell you any more, that would be cheating. I don't want you to, consciously or subconsciously, mold yourself around my ideals in hopes of having a better chance with me. We both know that's not gonna work out. And, I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but I'm really old fashioned. I like nice guys, I like guys who will allow me to be in control, because I'm very controlling, and I need a guy who is laid back. I know I can be tough but if you can work around it I promise I'm not that bad.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm not really doing anything with my life right now. And I'm completely content with that.
I’m really good at
I'm kind of good at everything, frankly. I'm one of those people. I know you hate me for that already but it's true. Also, I'm really good at pissing people off. I don't even really have to do anything besides be myself and it bothers a lot of people. I don't mind it all that much because it's funny and entertaining at the same time, so it's not all bad. A little discouraging though when it isn't intentional.
The first things people usually notice about me
People usually see me as intimidating. When they first begin to converse with me, they take me as being cold and rude. I guess I am. I don't really care frankly. But for the record, it's not intentional. It's just how I am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't read.

Movies, I enjoy comedy and horrors the most. But I'm really stubborn when it comes to movies, so I probably don't watch as many as I'd like to.

As far as TV shows go, I love reality TV. The Real Housewives seasons, Bad Girls Club, and the 'wives' series on VH1 are my fav. But I also like regular shows, such as Dexter, Desperate Housewives, Storage Wars, Ghost Adventures, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Nip/Tuck, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons, South Park, Futurama... I'm sure I'm missing some more, but that's a general run-down.

Movies and TV shows are pretty important in terms of compatability, because I enjoy spending time with my partner watching and discussing them. So if you're not digging my taste in either, that's going to be a pretty big bump in the road.

Music, honestly I like everything except for most older music. I mostly listen to hip hop but it really depends on my mood. However older music, electronic music.. you know what I'm not even going to bother trying to think of more to list. But yeah I don't really care for those. Like I said, it really depends on my mood.

And as far as food goes, I'm an EXTREMELY picky eater. I also eat pretty bad, I'll admit it. If it's healthy for you I probably won't like it hahaha. I eat like a child. Burgers, chicken nuggets and french fries. I also love pizza. I'm not someone who enjoys going out to restaurants and fine dining.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Everything. I'm also quite random and when I'm in the mood I can ramble a lot. If you got to know me you would understand what I'm talking about. Most people wonder why the hell I'm telling them what I'm telling them. I just like to converse. Keeps me busy. If you're the same way then we'll have no problems. But if you're one of those people who over-think everything I say I'll probably get annoyed very quickly and eventually push you away for not letting me be myself.
On a typical Friday night I am
Usually at home. I'm not really the kind of person who likes to go out and drink or do much. I guess I'm more of a homebody now. And am only interested in the same. If you still enjoy going out and drinking or doing silly things like that, you probably aren't mature enough yet for my taste. And if you disagree with that statement, then you're exactly the kind of person I would not be interested in.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't know. I'm not good at answering these things because I'm usually open about everything. I'm not very private at all, actually. I like to share everything with my partner, or at least SOMEONE. It's probably an attention thing. I also don't like guys who are private. It usually means they have something to hide. And if they don't, it doesn't matter - it will still appear to me that you're trying to hide something. And if you're private, the whole time I'm with you, I will just be thinking about what you're doing behind my back, or what you're trying to hide. So I won't be able to trust you. It's just not a good thing. Don't be private.
I’m looking for

    Guys who like girls
    Ages 25–35
    Located anywhere
    Who are single
    For new friends, long-term dating, long-distance penpals

You should message me if
You like what my profile has to offer, and most importantly, if you think I would still be interested in you. I know exactly what I want and I feel like I've described exactly what I want on here. If that's not you, sorry. But I'm not going to settle for anything less. But out of respect please don't send me ridiculous messages that are irrelevant to us getting to know each other. Also don't write a super long message because it'll most likely just turn me off and cause me to not even want to read it. And don't message me if all you have are questions as to why I look for what I do. If I'm not interested in you, leave it at that. Honestly I don't care enough to satisfy your inquiries. And don't message me to solely tell me that I'm attractive and that I wouldn't like you. And finally I would like to add, that if you include a link to your Facebook in your message, the chance of me responding will greatly go up. And if you don't have a Facebook.. then I really don't see us going very far hahaha. Either that or if you're gonna tell me you don't have one then you're probably lying. Just saying.

So, when you message me you should tell me:

- your name
- your Facebook URL (If you don't use Facebook, you should probably go away now)
- how long you've been single
- if you've ever met anyone from a dating website
- when your last sexual encounter took place
- what you're hoping to get out of messaging me, maybe a prediction of what the future could hold with us

Of course you can message me with whatever you like, but this is a good foundation to start with.

..and make sure you've at least answered, at LEAST a few hundred questions on this site. Otherwise our match percentage is likely inaccurate. If I have time to answer thousands, you have time to answer a few hundred. And if you don't, then you don't have enough time for ME.

That's GOTTA be some basement-dwelling troll taking the piss out of poor unsuspecting men.

[Parker]

I like the backside of the chick in blue

[dr.chimps]

you want more???

I'd suggest facial reconstruction. There's a reason why all her pics are atilt.

[cephissus]

That's GOTTA be some basement-dwelling troll taking the piss out of poor unsuspecting men.

that's what I thought too, especially how everything she's looking for is everything most okcupider's are ("kinda want to date a virgin" hahahahahahahaha) and makes these hilarious demands (message me your name, facebook, social security id, 5000 dollars to my paypal, vid of you jerking off, vid of you torturing animals, etc., etc.) but if you google her name, you'll see her twitter, facebook, etc. all written like it's the same person.  i mean, if it were fake, this troll would be going to QUITE some lengths...

[Parker]

that's what I thought too, especially how everything she's looking for is everything most okcupider's are ("kinda want to date a virgin" hahahahahahahaha) and makes these hilarious demands (message me your name, facebook, social security id, 5000 dollars to my paypal, vid of you jerking off, vid of you torturing animals, etc., etc.) but if you google her name, you'll see her twitter, facebook, etc. all written like it's the same person.  i mean, if it were fake, this troll would be going to QUITE some lengths...

Maybe she is the troll, and it's all one bog joke to her?

[cephissus]

Maybe she is the troll, and it's all one bog joke to her?

certainly possible, but like i said, that would involve setting up three or more social media profiles in the same manner, writing piles and piles of bullshit, answering 3500+ personality questions on okcupid, and so on... any way you slice it, we're looking at a bizarre individual.

[Kwon_2]

LOL Brittney is W8M8s joke-account

[El Diablo Blanco]

Wow, so having a facebook account is a must for dating today?  Fuck that whore.

[Parker]

certainly possible, but like i said, that would involve setting up three or more social media profiles in the same manner, writing piles and piles of bullshit, answering 3500+ personality questions on okcupid, and so on... any way you slice it, we're looking at a bizarre individual.

Then she'd fit right well on here. Possibly find the man of her dreams on here, not the man of her reality.

[DroppingPlates]

Wow, so having a facebook account is a must for dating today?  Fuck that whore.

"Social" media addicted women are a serious turn off.

Some stats:

• Sixty three percent of the females polled use Facebook for career networking
• Twenty percent of the women admitted to doing middle of the night checks on Facebook
• Twenty six percent of women check their text messages during the night to see if any new messages were exchanged
• Forty two percent of women think it is OK to post intoxicated photos of themselves
• Forty eight percent of females on Facebook get their daily news from the social network
• Six percent of the women queried use Facebook to "hook up"
• Fifty percent feel it is OK to meet and date singles they meet on Facebook
• Fifty seven percent of the women asked stated they talk to people online more than face to face

http://www.helium.com/items/1887706-poll-suggests-high-percentage-of-women-addicted-to-facebook

[Thespritz0]

Yes to all of them.

^^
WES!!  Your naughty, dude... the first one was SO redneck I almost coughed up Jim Beam, and I haven't drank in 17 years!!!!

[El Diablo Blanco]

I would destroy the asian with the big titties.

[deadz]

"Social" media addicted women are a serious turn off.

Some stats:

• Sixty three percent of the females polled use Facebook for career networking
• Twenty percent of the women admitted to doing middle of the night checks on Facebook
• Twenty six percent of women check their text messages during the night to see if any new messages were exchanged
• Forty two percent of women think it is OK to post intoxicated photos of themselves
• Forty eight percent of females on Facebook get their daily news from the social network
• Six percent of the women queried use Facebook to "hook up"
• Fifty percent feel it is OK to meet and date singles they meet on Facebook
• Fifty seven percent of the women asked stated they talk to people online more than face to face

http://www.helium.com/items/1887706-poll-suggests-high-percentage-of-women-addicted-to-facebook

yep, shit is out of control.

[Board_SHERIF]

"On a typical Friday night I am Usually at home" - yes I see why.....

[hrspwr]

Ha, daddy problems.

[Hulkotron]

I skipped over all that bullshit and just checked out the titties + the big ass.

[Mattyh7688]

I unfortunately read that girls rant. She is completely fucked if she's ever in a fire with third degree burns and her tits fall off. Her personality is fucking horrible. I was instantly turned off and angered.

[Nails]

 

those are the ramblings of a white girl in search of black cock

[Hulkotron]

yep, shit is out of control.

Haha, deadz do you suspect that "6% of women admitted using Facebook to hook up" is more like 50% if you take away the "Admitted" part?

[DroppingPlates]

Haha, deadz do you suspect that "6% of women admitted using Facebook to hook up" is more like 50% if you take away the "Admitted" part?

Quoted for reality check

[Nails]

Of the 75% of the woman who blew a guy on the first dates , 98% of those woman don't admit to blowing a guy on a first date

[Mjolnir]

FFS someone send her cock pics, hundreds of them.

[Hulkotron]

I'd give that blonde slunt above a merciless hate-fuck and I think she'd enjoy it.