Have your parents become like needy children? Do they require your reassurance? Especially around the Silly Season? Getting off the phone with an aging relative while doing a minimum of emotional damage can be a challenge. We hope these tips help.
- Suddenly remember that it is actually Christmas Day. Oh yeah! Well then... merry Christmas, I guess. Demoting this to a conversation like any other is essential.
- Talk about work. A lot. Remember: You are boring. This is the key to abbreviating a conversation, whether with parents or anyone else. Talking to you should suck at all times because you're so amazingly dull. When an awkward pause arrives, offer nothing into it whatsoever. They can't wait to escape and silently question why they called at all. This will pay strong dividends.
- Center the conversation on them. How's the weather there? Does the new urologist seem as slapdash as the previous one? With speakerphone & a hip clip, a handful of Oh Well Thens will see you through most of your housework, a dinner prep, and several glasses of wine, which you may or may not need.
- Promise to talk again soon. Sure, we'll all still be alive. They don't have to resolve every single issue that accumulated over the last 80 odd years right now, this very moment. In the trade, we call this 'closing.' Ok. Alrighty then.
- In case of emergency, if they really start down memory lane, break this glass: Venereal Disease. Idk. A slight burning sensation. Odd. Did they ever... experience it? You're sure it's nothing.
