Story Time: Why I Had to Get Physical With Steven Seagal

[Meta-physical]

During the Mid 90's Cameron Diaz was fucking


Matt Dillon

the fat fuck pile from Full metal jacket Vincent D' Onofrio

and

 Carlos De La Torre

Yes, She was young and had a rather cavalier disregard for the sanctity of sex. I have to hold my hands up here and accept that I engendered that downward spiral after callously giving her the brush-off without even offering so much as an explanation. It lead to some very deep insecurities and for that, I ask her forgiveness. I actually got into a fight with Matt Dillon not long after she hooked up with him in a futile attempt to make me jealous. Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a fight - more like a one-sided beatdown, but I can't help the fact that he didn't know how to defend himself against a Jeet Kune Do attack.

Good story OP, I look forward to future posts of yours  

Thank you. I'm glad someone appreciates my stories - given that the best part about them is they are all 100% true. I'd like to have 5 minutes alone with the losers calling me a liar and a homo after I swore on my son's life! I could tell so many stories about the fights I had with celebrities, but I'd rather talk about my time I spent with Vladimir Putin, and why I decided to throw my war medals in the Hudson River. Now will be a particularly poignant time to tell my story, and I hope it will be cathartic for me. I can't keep living with this pain inside of me.

[Erik C]

I can't keep living with this pain inside of me.

Maybe it's a Toomah? Ask Arnold, next time you kick his ass too.

[Meta-physical]

Maybe it's a Toomah? Ask Arnold, next time you kick his ass too.

Wow, nice job mocking cancer, the greatest bodybuilder of all-time, and a war hero all in one short sentence. Asshole.

[Erik C]

So you have cancer?

That gives the rest of us hope, for relief from you posting.

[FanBoi]

What if non-malignant?

Wow, nice job mocking cancer, the greatest bodybuilder of all-time, and a war hero, all in one short sentence. Asshole.

[Meta-physical]

So you have cancer?

That gives the rest of us hope, for relief from you posting.

No, you dick. I don't have cancer - but if I did then I would quite easily cure myself with cannabis oil.

[Powerlift66]

No, you dick. I don't have cancer - but if I did then I would quite easily cure myself with cannabis oil.

Hmmm,now youre talking... I just may listen to this guy after-all. 

[Erik C]

No, you dick. I don't have cancer - but if I did then I would quite easily cure myself with BANANA oil.

FIXED!

[kreator]

sounds like Rambo

[Board_SHERIF]

So fake.

If the whole club/bar saw this, we would have heard about it years ago.

Here are three true stories.

1. Steven Seagal almost got into it with Sylvester Stallone at a party. Witnesses said Stallone wanted to fight and Seagal chickened out.

2. Gene LeBell, the working actor, stuntman, and Judo legend kicked Seagal's ass on the set of his movie Out for Justice.

Supposedly, Seagal is a real dick to the extras and especially the stuntmen on his movie sets. LeBell called Seagal out. Some say it was due to Seagal bragging that no one had the ability to choke out a fighter of his caliber while others say LeBell had no use for Seagal's overinflated ego and overall a-hole behavior. At this time, Gene was already an old man, but he's an old man you don't want to fuck with. He put Seagal down with a move so brutal and quick that the people who saw it said Seagal shrieked like a woman, lost control of his bowels, and literally shit himself in front of those who witnessed it. The actor/comedian/UFC commentator Joe Rogan loves to tell this story.

3. Jean-Claude Van Damme got knocked semi-conscious by a left-right combination from part-time actor, stuntman, and former celebrity bodyguard Chuck Zito inside Scores strip club in New York.

They were once friends. Zito bodyguarded Van Damme and had a part in his film Hard Target. That night it appears that Van Damme had had a few, noticed Zito was also in the club, and started badmouthing him to those at his table. Van Damme's unflattering comments about his former friend got back to Zito's table. Before the night was over, Zito went over to Van Damme's table to inquire why he was talking shit. Van Damme got up... and went down as quick. Three second TKO in round one. Witnesses said that Van Damme was in and out of consciousness on the floor.


The End.

Mostly un-true fuk face!

[gothorium]

I heard seagal banged jenny mccarthy

[Army of One]

I liked it, the author is clearly no stranger to Lee Child's Jack Reacher books.

[Yamcha]

[Hack Benchers]

What happened to onlyme, i forgot about that

He died noob

[Hack Benchers]

Lol this cracked me up bigtime!

[JCL]

He died noob

Damn RIP. Heart attack?

I took a break from getbig, relax noob!

[Desolate]

Mostly un-true fuk face!

I don't think so, cocksmoker.

It is all true.

And there is no hyphen in the word untrue, moron.

[Parker]

[/youtube]

[Hack Benchers]

Damn RIP. Heart attack?

I took a break from getbig, relax noob!

 

Yeah something like a heart attack. He was in bad health for a long time. That spirder-bite made it worse.

[falco]

Heard Bass Rutten loves Seagal's bullshit.

[ilalin]

meta-physical

if you post here again I will throw an e-brick at your head through your fucking e-screen

metaphysically speaking

[Meta-physical]

meta-physical

if you post here again I will throw an e-brick at your head through your fucking e-screen

metaphysically speaking

How about you go find yourself a real brick and repair your dilapidated house with it, you poverty-stricken, Serbian rat.

[Taffin]