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Author Topic: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke  (Read 10956 times)

Cap

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #25 on: December 21, 2006, 03:11:17 PM »
Quote from: Deedee on December 21, 2006, 03:08:41 PM
Committing to your girlfriend is a little thing?  :o
Lol, no.  The little things she did for me when we were "seeing" each other made me commit to her and she still does them.  ;D
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #26 on: December 21, 2006, 03:39:54 PM »
Quote from: cap86 on December 21, 2006, 03:11:17 PM
Lol, no.  The little things she did for me when we were "seeing" each other made me commit to her and she still does them.  ;D

Okay... I worried about you for a second or two.  ;)  Anyway, the little things always count, no matter who with, family, friends, the man (woman) etc.

(Maybe we could get this thread to 700 plus pages.  Since I work with an all man crew, (have learned a LOT!!!) the women dispersed around the world send me lots of supportive man joke e-mails.  I can find many, many.  :))
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Cap

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2006, 03:41:47 PM »
I have a good one that explains the difference between men and women but I will await a man-joke until posting it, out of respect for you Deedee, cuz you have taught me alot.  8)
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #28 on: December 21, 2006, 05:20:11 PM »
Quote from: cap86 on December 21, 2006, 03:41:47 PM
I have a good one that explains the difference between men and women but I will await a man-joke until posting it, out of respect for you Deedee, cuz you have taught me alot. 8)

Now I'm more worried.  :)

Laughing is always good.  :) Guess I learned that more than ever dealing with the man crew. Mostly because they're all bright and funny and somehow since we all work together so closely, they had to let the curtain down. They ain't perfect, and I've witnessed first hand how bad they can be in a foreign country...  :P  But, especially at Christmas time, many of the guys worry about their jobs and providing for a family. Sometimes teh women forget about all that. I've learned a little more just being around them, (not always great  >:(, but...) so my life with the man, and what I laugh about, is mostly more about laughing than not. That must sound worse than one of my German sappy lines... lol.

I did post the traveling one after you, but have no prob finding many more.  :D

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Cap

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #29 on: December 21, 2006, 05:22:57 PM »
Quote from: Deedee on December 21, 2006, 05:20:11 PM
Now I'm more worried.  :)

Laughing is always good.  :) Guess I learned that more than ever dealing with the man crew. Mostly because they're all bright and funny and somehow since we all work together so closely, they had to let the curtain down. They ain't perfect, and I've witnessed first hand how bad they can be in a foreign country...  :P  But, especially at Christmas time, many of the guys worry about their jobs and providing for a family. Sometimes teh women forget about all that. I've learned a little more just being around them, (not always great  >:(, but...) so my life with the man, and what I laugh about, is mostly more about laughing than not. That must sound worse than one of my German sappy lines... lol.

I did post the traveling one after you, but have no prob finding many more.  :D


If you post one then I'll post one.  ;)
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #30 on: December 22, 2006, 05:58:44 PM »
This one's old... but classic!


How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing robe. If you see b/f along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more abs/hams, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you see b/f along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see g/f along the way, shake wiener at her and say "YEAH, baby."

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass g/f, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and say "YEAH, baby" again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #31 on: December 22, 2006, 05:59:44 PM »
This is what women send to each other... when having bad day with guys at the office.  ;)

How to put a bra on...

http://uncutvideo.aol.com/videos/dc64b4d956e8894cdb3c39c7731715fd
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Laura Lee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2006, 06:01:53 PM »
Quote from: Deedee on December 22, 2006, 05:59:44 PM
This is what women send to each other... when having bad day with guys at the office.  ;)

How to put a bra on...

http://uncutvideo.aol.com/videos/dc64b4d956e8894cdb3c39c7731715fd
that...























was awesome!   :D
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #33 on: December 22, 2006, 06:03:53 PM »
I love it!  ;D
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proschic

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #34 on: December 22, 2006, 10:33:04 PM »
Deedee...

I officially nominate you as " THE SHIT", continuing to make woman of the world proud that we share your gender! :-*

That was so funny.
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gtbro1

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2006, 11:22:37 PM »
Quote from: Bast175 on December 20, 2006, 08:35:59 PM
ahh that's from maddox.xmission.com

That guy is fucking hillarious."Love your kids,prove it by beating them!"
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #36 on: December 23, 2006, 10:56:18 AM »
Lol, it's amazing how much of this stuff gets traded at work.  Here's my fav from the UK. I think it's apros po for Getbig...  ;)

*WARNING: Graphic content.*


Pelvic Powerlifting:




More Olympic Games:





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24KT

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #37 on: December 25, 2006, 01:26:47 PM »
{ROTFLMAO} Chris, this list is hilarious!

Quote from: cap86 on December 20, 2006, 06:13:25 PM

12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.

Although #12 isn't all that bad, ...not if you're using FFi's MPG-CAPsTM  <---click me

They've been proven to cut harmful emissions by up to 80% or more.

FFi's MPG-CapsTM, make it more economical to drive around for hours without asking for directions,
...or to drive for 5 hrs, just to see your girl for 1 hr. because you'll travel further on the same amount of fuel.

Just think about all the money you'll save, ...and all the points you'll score with your girl.

Talk about feeding 2 birds with 1 worm  :P (no pun intended) ...ok, ...maybe just a little pun.  ;)

You should hear what people are saying about all the money they are saving using FFi MPG-CAPsTM!!!  :o




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24KT

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #38 on: December 25, 2006, 01:28:23 PM »
Quote from: Deedee on December 22, 2006, 05:59:44 PM
This is what women send to each other... when having bad day with guys at the office.  ;)

How to put a bra on...

http://uncutvideo.aol.com/videos/dc64b4d956e8894cdb3c39c7731715fd

This is just fabulous!!!!   ;D  Love it, love it, love it...
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Laura Lee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #39 on: December 25, 2006, 02:11:11 PM »
Quote from: jaguarenterprises on December 25, 2006, 01:28:23 PM
This is just fabulous!!!!   ;D  Love it, love it, love it...
Judi!  Merry Christmas.  Michael asks that I extend you his appologies for not getting back to you.  He's not really good at that, lol.  Anyway, I would like you to be the first to know what he got me for x-mas so check your PMs.  :)

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24KT

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #40 on: December 25, 2006, 03:06:36 PM »
Quote from: Cheri Lane on December 25, 2006, 02:11:11 PM
Judi!  Merry Christmas.  Michael asks that I extend you his appologies for not getting back to you.  He's not really good at that, lol.  Anyway, I would like you to be the first to know what he got me for x-mas so check your PMs.  :)


Mike Arvilla... you da man!!!  8)
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Cap

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #41 on: January 06, 2007, 11:08:32 AM »
For you Deedee  ;D

Female prayer:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who'se handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call not wait for weeks.
I pray that he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend
Amen.

Male Prayer:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
Amen.
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BuffGoddess

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #42 on: January 06, 2007, 11:10:59 PM »
Hey Cap, luv ya brotha! That was HILARIOUS!
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24KT

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #43 on: January 07, 2007, 12:31:54 PM »
{ROTFLOL}
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24KT

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #44 on: January 07, 2007, 12:34:31 PM »
Quote from: cap86 on January 06, 2007, 11:08:32 AM

Female prayer:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who'se handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call not wait for weeks.
I pray that he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my body AND my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend
Amen.

There... just one slight inclusion. Amen.  :)
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Deedee

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #45 on: January 08, 2007, 09:37:25 AM »
Quote from: cap86 on January 06, 2007, 11:08:32 AM
For you Deedee  ;D

Female prayer:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who'se handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call not wait for weeks.
I pray that he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend
Amen.

Male Prayer:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
Amen.

Thanks darlin.'   ;D

ps.  We missed you!
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Cap

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Re: Amusing post, you may be offended but is an email joke...I repeat a joke
« Reply #46 on: January 08, 2007, 11:08:52 AM »
Quote from: Deedee on January 08, 2007, 09:37:25 AM
Thanks darlin.'   ;D

ps.  We missed you!
Lol.  I promised the wife aka my gf, that I wouldn't be on the computer that much anymore.  PS. the feeling is mutual.  ;)
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