Author Topic: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...  (Read 2915 times)

homer77

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hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« on: February 16, 2007, 06:59:47 AM »
Hi,
Man here.  I have to ask the ladies for some marrage help.  I have been married almost 5 years, have a 18 month old, and my wife is in nursing school.  My wife has always been a bit selfish, but since nursing school started I have been living with satan.  I swear I go above and beyond to try to keep things on track (family, house, kid, etc...).  I stay as positive as humanly possible, but after a while I get bitter at the non-appreciation and selfishness I face.  Yeah, nursing school is tough, but a thank you or even a freakin hug would go miles.  What the hell am I suppose to do to keep from going crazy?    I feel she is unfair to myself and my son.  Then I wonder when she does become a nurse is she gonna stay the same way because she will actually have to work.  Thoughts? 

Cap

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2007, 07:04:38 AM »
It sounds like you might really be a woman and be bitching about your husband.  Just a guess...
Squishy face retard

homer77

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2007, 07:12:44 AM »
no... im a man. 

Cap

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2007, 07:15:40 AM »
no... im a man. 
Then get used to not being appreciated.  Every girl I've been with turns into that, some in shorter times than others.  I'm not married so I can't fully empathize but it's normal IMO.  Most will come to expect things when you get in a habit of doing things for them and there will not be the constant thank yous.
Squishy face retard

Original Sin

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2007, 07:23:03 AM »
Hi,
Man here.  I have to ask the ladies for some marrage help.  I have been married almost 5 years, have a 18 month old, and my wife is in nursing school.  My wife has always been a bit selfish, but since nursing school started I have been living with satan.  I swear I go above and beyond to try to keep things on track (family, house, kid, etc...).  I stay as positive as humanly possible, but after a while I get bitter at the non-appreciation and selfishness I face.  Yeah, nursing school is tough, but a thank you or even a freakin hug would go miles.  What the hell am I suppose to do to keep from going crazy?    I feel she is unfair to myself and my son.  Then I wonder when she does become a nurse is she gonna stay the same way because she will actually have to work.  Thoughts? 

Been there, done that....

Nursing school in the beginning is designed to be tough and to stress out the students.  It helps the schools weed out the non-dedicated people.  It is no simple road she is travelling right now and that stress and pressure is going to show in everything she does.  Remember the words "For better or worse" well this is one of the "worse" times.  If you love her, be there for her, and as you said a hug would go miles.

You'll probably think that this is biased to her side but isn't that why you are asking women? and sorry for simplifying your problem as I am sure it runs much more deep then what you've written here, but I can only respond to the information you've provided.
Just Bad Bad Blood!

homer77

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2007, 07:32:11 AM »
Been there, done that....

Nursing school in the beginning is designed to be tough and to stress out the students.  It helps the schools weed out the non-dedicated people.  It is no simple road she is travelling right now and that stress and pressure is going to show in everything she does.  Remember the words "For better or worse" well this is one of the "worse" times.  If you love her, be there for her, and as you said a hug would go miles.

You'll probably think that this is biased to her side but isn't that why you are asking women? and sorry for simplifying your problem as I am sure it runs much more deep then what you've written here, but I can only respond to the information you've provided.
i know that nursing school is very rough.  my mom went through it with 3 kids and my sister just finished.  I have very stressful days and weeks too and still find the energy to make an effort to give time and show love.  Going home to family is suppose to be a rewarding thing.  I cant wait to go home and see my son.  It used to be the same way with my wife.  Now i try to find things for me and him to do to stay out of her way.  we are an annoyance to her.  sucks! 
ok, i understand the better or worse.  it definitly is worse!  No emotional connection, no communication (on her part), not giving our son any personal time, and selfishness! 
During winter break she got much better.  as soon as spring semester started it came again.  I am afraid that once she actually has to work full time this will go on forever. 

homer77

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2007, 07:33:40 AM »
Then get used to not being appreciated.  Every girl I've been with turns into that, some in shorter times than others.  I'm not married so I can't fully empathize but it's normal IMO.  Most will come to expect things when you get in a habit of doing things for them and there will not be the constant thank yous.
i think i agree. 
i do more for her than she even admits she deserves. 
and yet, if its not consistant i suffer.

Cap

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2007, 07:36:40 AM »
i think i agree. 
i do more for her than she even admits she deserves. 
and yet, if its not consistant i suffer.
My past 3 relationships buddy....just the world we live in.  It's good you give and do but you will come to resent her for this, even more than have already, and it will eat at you and I'm sure you will blow up about it
Squishy face retard

ToxicAvenger

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2007, 09:14:05 AM »
Hi,
Man here.  I have to ask the ladies for some marrage help.  I have been married almost 5 years, have a 18 month old, and my wife is in nursing school.  My wife has always been a bit selfish, but since nursing school started I have been living with satan.  I swear I go above and beyond to try to keep things on track (family, house, kid, etc...).  I stay as positive as humanly possible, but after a while I get bitter at the non-appreciation and selfishness I face.  Yeah, nursing school is tough, but a thank you or even a freakin hug would go miles.  What the hell am I suppose to do to keep from going crazy?    I feel she is unfair to myself and my son.  Then I wonder when she does become a nurse is she gonna stay the same way because she will actually have to work.  Thoughts? 

is your wifes name Kimmy?
carpe` vaginum!

Lord Humungous

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2007, 10:07:50 AM »
Rub a dirty diaper in her face and get her attention or just sleep with her best friend and brag about it to everyone.
X

Cap

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2007, 10:08:38 AM »
Saran wrap on the toilet
Squishy face retard

proschic

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2007, 11:14:09 AM »
you boys are being so insensitive!!  :-\  BE NICE!!  ;D

Homer...while marriage is "for better or worse", it is also about communication.  just because your wife is going thru a stressful time right now does not mean that she will remain that way.  i've been thru college..as a pre-med student, and it was the hardest, most stressful time in my life. I just wanted to do good and achieve my goal.  Her mindset is probably the same right now. 

That being said...your wife still needs to realize that she has a family that needs her as well.  You have to tell her how you feel.  Let her know that her attitude is effecting the marriage, and that you are feeling unappreciated.   In the same conversation, let her know that you support her 100%, and are proud of her for going back to school...yada, yada.  Butter her up before letting her know how its negatively impacting you and your son.  Don't back her into a corner, or make her feel defensive.  That will make her feel like you are making her choose you or her job.  Thats not the issue.  Be completely honest, but SINCERE.  As a wife and mother...she IS a good woman.  She is just struggling right now.  Hopefully, she will come around and be willing to compromise with what it is that you are wanting.  Time management is key in juggling school and home.  I hope that is an option for her, for you and your son's sake. 

You are a good man for being so supportive and such a great father to your son! 

And dispite what all you men think about us women....for every ONE man that is taken advantage of in a relationship....there are 10 women in the same situation!!  Dont you guys watch the "submissive wives" on the Maury show!!  :-\

homer77

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2007, 11:38:25 AM »
you boys are being so insensitive!!  :-\  BE NICE!!  ;D


That being said...your wife still needs to realize that she has a family that needs her as well.  You have to tell her how you feel.  Let her know that her attitude is effecting the marriage, and that you are feeling unappreciated.   In the same conversation, let her know that you support her 100%, and are proud of her for going back to school...yada, yada.  Butter her up before letting her know how its negatively impacting you and your son.  Don't back her into a corner, or make her feel defensive.  That will make her feel like you are making her choose you or her job.  Thats not the issue.  Be completely honest, but SINCERE.  As a wife and mother...she IS a good woman.  She is just struggling right now.  Hopefully, she will come around and be willing to compromise with what it is that you are wanting.  Time management is key in juggling school and home.  I hope that is an option for her, for you and your son's sake. 



honestly, i have had that conversation.  it got better for about a week and slowly drifted off to the way things were.  i want to go to counseling, but i know that will just add another time consumer and stressor.  i am giving it till the end of nursing school (3 semesters left  :-[).  if this continues out of school and into the workplace i dont think i will take that.  and then again i dont know exactly what that means?

homer77

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2007, 11:40:39 AM »

Cap

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2007, 12:49:39 PM »
you boys are being so insensitive!!  :-\  BE NICE!!  ;D

Homer...while marriage is "for better or worse", it is also about communication.  just because your wife is going thru a stressful time right now does not mean that she will remain that way.  i've been thru college..as a pre-med student, and it was the hardest, most stressful time in my life. I just wanted to do good and achieve my goal.  Her mindset is probably the same right now. 

That being said...your wife still needs to realize that she has a family that needs her as well.  You have to tell her how you feel.  Let her know that her attitude is effecting the marriage, and that you are feeling unappreciated.   In the same conversation, let her know that you support her 100%, and are proud of her for going back to school...yada, yada.  Butter her up before letting her know how its negatively impacting you and your son.  Don't back her into a corner, or make her feel defensive.  That will make her feel like you are making her choose you or her job.  Thats not the issue.  Be completely honest, but SINCERE.  As a wife and mother...she IS a good woman.  She is just struggling right now.  Hopefully, she will come around and be willing to compromise with what it is that you are wanting.  Time management is key in juggling school and home.  I hope that is an option for her, for you and your son's sake. 

You are a good man for being so supportive and such a great father to your son! 

And dispite what all you men think about us women....for every ONE man that is taken advantage of in a relationship....there are 10 women in the same situation!!  Dont you guys watch the "submissive wives" on the Maury show!!  :-\

No, I'm too busy watching my stories Tasha.   ;D  Lol, I should have qualified my statement but it's true.  Cop, firefighter and military wives feel it worst.

Homer, liek Tasha said, the key to relationships is communication and a professor I had said that if you argue about one subject more than 3 times, it's not about that topic but about power.  Do you think you've lost power because of this situation?  If I were you I'd feel that way.  good luck brother.
Squishy face retard

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Re: hope im not crossing the line by posting here...
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2007, 02:09:32 AM »
Hi,
Man here.  I have to ask the ladies for some marrage help.  I have been married almost 5 years, have a 18 month old, and my wife is in nursing school.  My wife has always been a bit selfish, but since nursing school started I have been living with satan.  I swear I go above and beyond to try to keep things on track (family, house, kid, etc...).  I stay as positive as humanly possible, but after a while I get bitter at the non-appreciation and selfishness I face.  Yeah, nursing school is tough, but a thank you or even a freakin hug would go miles.  What the hell am I suppose to do to keep from going crazy?    I feel she is unfair to myself and my son.  Then I wonder when she does become a nurse is she gonna stay the same way because she will actually have to work.  Thoughts? 

Hi Homer,
Kind of sucks huh? I've had my fair share of people who are extremely selfish. All I can suggest you do is:

Everytime you feel that bile of bitterness & resentment flowing, consciously focus on all the things about her that you adore. Dwell on those. understand she is who she is, and that you chose her for better or for worse.

Let her know how you feel without accusations, ...and appreciate and acknowledge the steps she takes to improve the situation. Even tiny little baby steps. Sometimes it's hard for a selfish person to alter their ways. Consider what your life would be like without her... and you'll realize that as much as you resent or dislike her behaviour, you are blessed to have her in your life.

Hope That Helps,
w