Author Topic: If you knew a good friend was being beaten/abused by her BF/SO... (Read 12783 times)

xxxLinda · « **Reply #50 on:** March 27, 2007, 12:49:05 PM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on March 22, 2007, 08:12:30 PM

Seems to be a re-occurring pattern.

Great thread. I can't add anything much, enough said.

I've known women who won't leave and men who won't stop. Luckily I learned the easy way, by watching and attempting to help. I have called the cops in a panic a few times, but only when I know I'm calling the cop I know.

I'd probably go and try to rescue the woman for a few days and hope to make her see sense. Or I'd stay well away...

Deedee, get back in touch with her if you can and see if she's still alive? Could you please maybe do a nice ending to this thread?

xL

24KT · « **Reply #51 on:** March 27, 2007, 07:58:28 PM »

Quote from: knny187 on March 27, 2007, 08:57:44 AM

Well...this is where I find it justifiable to shot a human.

You kill my dog...I kill you.

So you can see....like I said....get the woman a dog. The abusive man will know his boundaries. If he raises a hand to the wife....the dog gets him. If he raises a gun to the dog.....the abusive son of a bitch will be buried because someone like me (an unassociated party that can't be traced) will track him down & snuff his life from him.

Gee Knny, ...that's wonderful to hear... NOT!

So you'll track down a snuff out the life of someone who abuses a dog, ...but do nothing if he hits his wife? $:-\$

knny187 · « **Reply #52 on:** March 27, 2007, 09:29:05 PM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on March 27, 2007, 07:58:28 PM

Gee Knny, ...that's wonderful to hear... NOT!

So you'll track down a snuff out the life of someone who abuses a dog, ...but do nothing if he hits his wife? $:-\$

Well Judy......

I never claimed to be 100% normal.

$:-\$

but it would be more messed up if I hit the wife if he shoots the dog.

All jokes aside.....no...it wouldn't make sense & I am just goofing. Seriously, if I had a girl that was a friend, sister, etc... that I had knowledge of domestic violence....I am the type to pay a visit & sit the chap down & put a little scare of life or death in his lap. I can handle myself & take responsibilty for my own actions. I just think for women...it's best not to get involved with their girlfriends domestic violence because if the SOB is going to hit them....the friend may end up getting hit by the coward too.

~flower~ · « **Reply #53 on:** March 28, 2007, 04:27:26 AM »

Quote from: Cheri Lane on March 22, 2007, 12:49:43 PM

I would beat the *%^* out of him and if I couldn't do it, I would get someone else to do it.

Unfortunately Deedee if the girl doesn't leave on her own she probably isn't going to leave. It may be fear, it may be shame, who knows. You can only do your best to get her out of the situation by showing/telling her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that there are options. My ex-husband was very abusive. I left him the first time after he threw me into my sleeping baby (5 months old) daughters crib. I grabbed her and ran for the door and he tried stopping me. I had to hit him with a mini baseball bat to get away from him. It was 3am and I was running down the street like a madman. I was lucky enough that one of my neighbors worked a graveyard shift and was home with his door open. I just ran in their house and slammed the door. Scared the crap outta him. I stayed away for a few days and my ex convinced me that he wouldn't do it again. I went back, two weeks later he had me in a head lock and was punching my head. I was able to pick up a crystal lighter and clocked him with it. Again I had to flee, this time I didn't have time to grab my daughter. I drove to my dad's station (he is a cop) and we went down with a fleet of police cars. He threatened my dad that if anyone came to the door he would stab them. When we got there...he was passed out on the couch and there was a knife by his side. We snuck in and grabbed my daughter and I never went back.

I will never stand for anyone putting their hands on me ever again.

Wow!!! Good for you getting away from him! And glad he isn't your younger child's father too. I think a boy seeing his father hit or abuse a woman sets them up for thinking it is acceptable, same way that some girls who witness it may think that is an acceptable way for them to be treated.
$:-\$

Laura Lee · « **Reply #54 on:** March 28, 2007, 05:43:36 AM »

Quote from: ~flower~ on March 28, 2007, 04:27:26 AM

Wow!!! Good for you getting away from him! And glad he isn't your younger child's father too. I think a boy seeing his father hit or abuse a woman sets them up for thinking it is acceptable, same way that some girls who witness it may think that is an acceptable way for them to be treated.
$:-\$

Children should never witness such...it should never happen period! No one has the right to lay their hands on anyone!

24KT · « **Reply #55 on:** March 28, 2007, 05:54:48 AM »

Quote from: knny187 on March 27, 2007, 09:29:05 PM

Well Judy......

I never claimed to be 100% normal.

$:-\$

but it would be more messed up if I hit the wife if he shoots the dog.

All jokes aside.....no...it wouldn't make sense & I am just goofing. Seriously, if I had a girl that was a friend, sister, etc... that I had knowledge of domestic violence....I am the type to pay a visit & sit the chap down & put a little scare of life or death in his lap. I can handle myself & take responsibilty for my own actions. I just think for women...it's best not to get involved with their girlfriends domestic violence because if the SOB is going to hit them....the friend may end up getting hit by the coward too.

I understand what you're saying, ...however, I've found from personal experience that these guys KNOW what they're doing is wrong, and they do it because their partner puts up with it. I've seen guys try to intimidate the friend as well, and I've stopped them dead in their tracks by asking "Who the fuck do you think I am... your girlfriend? I won't take it. Go ahead and try pull that shit on me. I guarantee you'll be dead before the weekend is over." Of course when they're in a murderous rage is NOT the time to being saying that.

24KT · « **Reply #56 on:** March 28, 2007, 06:10:52 AM »

Quote from: ~flower~ on March 28, 2007, 04:27:26 AM

Wow!!! Good for you getting away from him! And glad he isn't your younger child's father too. I think a boy seeing his father hit or abuse a woman sets them up for thinking it is acceptable, same way that some girls who witness it may think that is an acceptable way for them to be treated.
$:-\$

Exactly. It does. But thankfully NOT ALL people succumb to the pattern.

It's the same with abuse of any kind. We see the same dynamic here on GetBig, where some people are bullied,
...so others get it into their little pin heads that it's ok to hurl abuse in that person's direction as well. It's not.

The closest I've come to being physically abused by a guy was when I was 16. There had been a rumour that my boyfriend and I of 2 years had broken up, ...and that I was seeing someone new. This guy who had liked me for the past 2 years was so angry and frustrated that I had started dating someone else without giving him a chance, that he started getting physical with me. It was one of the scariest moments in my life... not because he scared me, ...but because I knew if my boyfriend got wind of it... it would have turned into a nightmare beyond all proportions. I knew if my boyfriend did anything about it, it would have ended up in a huge fight between Blacks & Italians. Thankfully, my best friend at the time took care of him. Dawn was literally built like a linebacker. she was HUGE... and I mean HUGE!!!! She could easily pass for Ronnie Coleman's little sister if you know what I mean. This happened at the rollerskating rink... and before you know what happened... she turned him into a human pinball. She bodychecked his ass all over the rink. The most I got from him after that was only dirty looks... but he never dared say a word, or dared get physical with me again. Instead he would cry his eyes out on Cecile's shoulders that I didn't want anything to do with him. Cecile was a girl who always told me I was stupid for not choosing this guy. Well, she decided to choose him, ...within a few months, she ended up a pregnant, human punching bag, ...and he disappeared. Yup... he was a good one... NOT!

I had another boyfriend who would shove me, ..but only when drunk. I knew enough to know that's how it starts.

~flower~ · « **Reply #57 on:** March 28, 2007, 06:42:59 AM »

Quote from: Cheri Lane on March 28, 2007, 05:43:36 AM

Children should never witness such...it should never happen period! No one has the right to lay their hands on anyone!

damn straight!!

Like Jag said, fortunately a lot of child witnesses grow up knowing that is not right.

knny187 · « **Reply #58 on:** March 28, 2007, 10:11:55 AM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on March 28, 2007, 05:54:48 AM

I understand what you're saying, ...however, I've found from personal experience that these guys KNOW what they're doing is wrong, and they do it because their partner puts up with it. I've seen guys try to intimidate the friend as well, and I've stopped them dead in their tracks by asking "Who the fuck do you think I am... your girlfriend? I won't take it. Go ahead and try pull that shit on me. I guarantee you'll be dead before the weekend is over." Of course when they're in a murderous rage is NOT the time to being saying that.

Thats a good one

That should stop them in their tracks

trab · « **Reply #59 on:** March 28, 2007, 10:23:48 AM »

Better be a pro @ intimidation if you play that game, dangerous game. And the Most Dangerous guys
I've ever worked/ supervised, are not big and intimidating. But,They will Carry thru, and are EXPERIENCED with violence. ALso many of this breed is unconcerned w/ legal or other consequences.
Basically people who care about nothing including themselves. They are a peach to work with.
I feel like Tu about my daughter too, but if you've never had close contact w/ what I'm describing, you are in for a surprise when you do.

24KT · « **Reply #60 on:** March 28, 2007, 12:31:47 PM »

Quote from: knny187 on March 28, 2007, 10:11:55 AM

Thats a good one

That should stop them in their tracks

It only worked because the guy KNEW I was speaking the truth.

I would never say something like that to someone who didn't know.

Do you think if Victoria Gotti said that to someone who knew who her father was, she'd get a better result than saying it to someone who had no idea who John Gotti was and what he was capable of accomplishing?

...nuff said.

knny187 · « **Reply #61 on:** March 28, 2007, 01:20:08 PM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on March 28, 2007, 12:31:47 PM

It only worked because the guy KNEW I was speaking the truth.

I would never say something like that to someone who didn't know.

Do you think if Victoria Gotti said that to someone who knew who her father was, she'd get a better result than saying it to someone who had no idea who John Gotti was and what he was capable of accomplishing?

...nuff said.

No...I agree with you

SWTYGRL · « **Reply #62 on:** March 28, 2007, 11:05:46 PM »

Laura/Cheri
I have to ask, does your daughter still have to spend time with her father? Watching someone you love (Dad) abuse someone he supposedly loves & cares for (current wife) is gut wrenching on so many levels. IE: Is my Dad a terrible person? Is that part of him in me? Could he hurt me? Etc...

I have been physically abused not by someone I chose (lover, boyfriend, friend), but by someone I was related to. As a child, I thought getting hurt was the price of admission...to be loved by them was to be hurt by them. It was confusing to watch others get hurt, and I felt guilty when I was hurt. I felt I must be a truly terrible person if this person who loves me would hurt me so. A child's perspective... Many years ago, but I think of it sometimes...

Anyway, just thinking of Laura's daughter and hoping that she doesn't have to be witness to abuse anymore...

I am so glad Laura was able to pull herself up and out of that crap and make a new and better life for herself. To me, that is more impressive than a trophy

You are a strong woman.

BuffGoddess · « **Reply #63 on:** March 28, 2007, 11:19:53 PM »

This is of course, wrong on so many levels. But having dealt with many victims of domestic violence, doing anything for them such as trying to separate her from him by calling the police etc will only serve to make her want to be closer to him. Many times they feel that if they just love him enough he'll come around and love her too. While it is very painful to watch as a family member, or close friend, anything you do will only draw them closer until she is really ready to leave. Often times the man has her self esteem so broken, that he has made her believe she deserves that treatment, and she is lucky to have him because no one else will ever want her. But let me close in saying that if he dared to lay a finger on her in front of me, he better give his soul to God, because his ass is mine.

Laura Lee · « **Reply #64 on:** March 29, 2007, 04:59:38 AM »

Quote from: SWTYGRL on March 28, 2007, 11:05:46 PM

Laura/Cheri
I have to ask, does your daughter still have to spend time with her father? Watching someone you love (Dad) abuse someone he supposedly loves & cares for (current wife) is gut wrenching on so many levels. IE: Is my Dad a terrible person? Is that part of him in me? Could he hurt me? Etc...

I have been physically abused not by someone I chose (lover, boyfriend, friend), but by someone I was related to. As a child, I thought getting hurt was the price of admission...to be loved by them was to be hurt by them. It was confusing to watch others get hurt, and I felt guilty when I was hurt. I felt I must be a truly terrible person if this person who loves me would hurt me so. A child's perspective... Many years ago, but I think of it sometimes...

Anyway, just thinking of Laura's daughter and hoping that she doesn't have to be witness to abuse anymore...

I am so glad Laura was able to pull herself up and out of that crap and make a new and better life for herself. To me, that is more impressive than a trophy You are a strong woman.

My daughter is 20 years old now and doesn't chose to see her dad for many reasons. The one thing he never did was lay a hand on her, which is a godsend cuz then he would be dead. Like I said, she witnessed her father beat on her step mother and she had to shield the other kids by hiding them in the bathroom. When she had told me what had happened (when her visit with her dad was over) I called and he denied what happened and said it wasn't my business. Of course I told him anything my daughter has to witness in their house IS my business and I would not allow her to go to his house for a long time. I don't understand why battered women deny what is being done to them...it never goes away if you don't take some form of action. My son was old enough to know what was going on and I remember him sayine "only a real coward would hit a girl". He is right.

Bigger Business · « **Reply #65 on:** April 06, 2007, 10:29:52 AM »

this thread reaks of gayness

trab · « **Reply #66 on:** April 06, 2007, 03:02:18 PM »

Quote from: Bigger Business on April 06, 2007, 10:29:52 AM

this thread reaks of gayness

ANd look who sniffed it out?

BuffGoddess · « **Reply #67 on:** April 07, 2007, 03:22:51 AM »

Obviously smelling what he wanted to smell...This is the womens board...sniff foul odors elsewhere...

BayGBM · « **Reply #68 on:** April 07, 2007, 03:26:24 PM »

I'm in this situation right now. My sister in law has an abusive bf. A couple months ago all of us took a trip out of town and stayed in a hotel. One morning the phone in our room rings. It's the police calling from the hospital. She had been taken there after he beat her up the previous night. He wanted to have sex. She said no. It got violent.... He rode with her to the hospital in the ambulance but disappeared by the next morning when we showed up.

I was in a foul mood on the way to the hospital but once I got there and saw her all bruised and bandaged up I lost it. I was ready to kick his ass. Lucky for him, I have never seen him again.

But here's the punch line: she is still seeing him (and trying to hide it from us)!

She had a restraining order against him but didn't have it served. She makes all kinds of excuses for him... "he's not usually like this" etc. I gave her a piece of my mind, in terms of what she needs to do, back when this all happened (serve the papers and never see him again--period). I have never brought up the subject again. I'm trying really hard to respect her. She is an adult (50ish) after all, but she has battered wife syndrome as far as I'm concerned...

After the humiliation of the hospital drama we all had on the other side of the country, she is careful never to bring up his name in my presence... I've effectively washed my hands of it. She knows she can always call us for anything, but I'm not gonna pacify or enable her relationship with that guy.

I'm not usually a violent person, but I would have no qualms about taking that old troll to the woodshed and showing him just how violent a queer can be.

BayGBM · « **Reply #69 on:** April 07, 2007, 03:28:14 PM »

Quote from: trab on April 06, 2007, 03:02:18 PM

ANd look who sniffed it out?

Didn't you know? BB is gay.

trab · « **Reply #70 on:** April 07, 2007, 04:05:29 PM »

Quote from: BayGBM on April 07, 2007, 03:28:14 PM

Didn't you know? BB is gay.

BBing gay?

No ? Guys in undies doing 1/4 turns?
Well, Sexually Ive allways been really into women. But I do enjoy looking at the level of condition the BB guys bring in. Its not sexually arousing, it's more of a envious ,how can I build my body a little bit more along this dudes lines.

Your sister Bay, I'm sorry man. $:-\$
One thing; I know the kick the shit out of him feeling, and I'm no stranger to
using my elbows, knees, knuckles. I grew up kind of nasty myself. THing is, these days, its so easy to end up on the wrong side of The Law when U-R the righteous one.
Just a use your head thought to every guy on here thats expressed the same feeling. Buffgoddess hit it with her "often the guy has her selfestem so BROKEN...".

Bottom line is like any other selfdestruct behavior- if the person dont want to change, you cant make them.
Hospital, bruised and bandaged.

. Be carefull you dont lose it and end up the one in troubles.
Without you, WHo'd would get all the uptight Homophobes here worked up?

24KT · « **Reply #71 on:** April 07, 2007, 08:09:54 PM »

Quote from: BayGBM on April 07, 2007, 03:26:24 PM

I'm in this situation right now. My sister in law has an abusive bf.

Bay,

I'm a little confused. How is she your sister in law? Is she your brother's wife... in which case the abuser would be her hubby, not her bf, ...or is she the sister of your partner?

BayGBM · « **Reply #72 on:** April 08, 2007, 03:12:05 PM »

She is the sister of my partner.

24KT · « **Reply #73 on:** April 09, 2007, 04:29:15 PM »

gotcha

Deedee · « **Reply #74 on:** April 10, 2007, 09:40:20 AM »

These are all great posts... and some good info in case anyone needs it.

I finally called the person who inspired this thread. It was a little awkward because we haven't talked in a year, but I guess when we lost touch she and the bastardo moved from the east coast to cali, where she didn't have a job and was totally dependent on him. Things went from bad to worse, and without going into detail, she sank into a bad depression. But finally, seems she hauled herself up by the bootstraps and left him, is back on the east coast and very happy.

I think what Blain posted on that other thread is often true. Sometimes people just bring out the worst in each other and end up feeding off it, but then when the dust settles, they wonder how they ever got into that situation in the first place.