Question for the girls

[Hereford]

Hey ladies, got a question for y'all.

What is a good way to get a female started at the gym? I really want my girl to be interested in going to the gym with me for many reasons, but she never will go because she thinks other women will be judging her because she's a little heavy.

I am looking for the female perspective, because I realize that the whole first few times have to be positive or else it's not gonna happen. She hasn't really been physical since high school, which was quite awhile ago.

Thanks!

[Luv2Hurt]

Hey ladies, got a question for y'all.

What is a good way to get a female started at the gym? I really want my girl to be interested in going to the gym with me for many reasons, but she never will go because she thinks other women will be judging her because she's a little heavy.

I am looking for the female perspective, because I realize that the whole first few times have to be positive or else it's not gonna happen. She hasn't really been physical since high school, which was quite awhile ago.

Thanks!

Not a female, but none of this will work if it's you that wants her to go and get in shape.  Will just lead to misery and resentment.

This motivation has to come from inside the person, does not work long term any other way. Female or male it's the same.

[w8m8]

If she is interested in going and going "with" you is her preference maybe you can see when your gym isn't real busy and let her just go and check it out while you work out.

If you can get her to focus on the work out and not see the peripheral bullshit it'll get easier for her .

If her self esteem needs to be brought up then working out will help .. it just takes a little help from you too .The exercising alone will raise her endorphins so if you add some compliments she will feel like it's worth it.



It's different for women with weight issues to expose themselves to "fit" people in that atmosphere so you can help by keeping her focused on what you and her are there to do and sort of let the others fade into the background.

It's intimidating to be out of shape and enter an atmosphere of a gym full of "experts" , she can do a lot at home until she feels more confident too , you could help her there.

best of luck to you and I hope she gets into it

[ripitupbaby]

Good points made in this thread already.  She needs to motivate HERSELF to do it, she will never want to do it if she feels forced or obligated.  She can definitely get started at home if she's intimidated, but there is no reason at all for her to be intimidated to get started, and you can definitely help her get past that by training with her, or at least getting her started.  Group exercise is a good option too. 

Here's something I posted in the past about this. 

That's a tough one...It's hard to lose weight and motivate to get in shape unless you REALLY want to do it yourself. 
There aren't many people who can motivate her, but you can help push her in the right direction, and she needs to make the personal commitment to it.  One thing you should probably do is invest more of your time and energy into whatever commitment she's willing to make...actions on your part more so than words.  Make the commitment WITH her.  A couple of thoughts ---

- Can you train with her?  Is it something that you guys could do together and not get into a fight?  If not, maybe encourage her to enroll in some group exercise classes (aerobics), as that's a good way to get into the gym in a somewhat social environment that she may enjoy.  Or get one of her girlfriends to start going to the gym with her...maybe there's a girlfriend who would be willing to be a training partner.
-If you can't train with her, can you guys set some time aside to get some exercise together out side of the gym?  What about taking a walk with her 3 times a week?  Cardio would be ideal to focus on if the goal is really just to take some weight off, and cardio can be done just about anywhere.

- If you are in shape, I assume that you must eat relatively well.  It is possible that she can start to see results with relatively minor adjustments to her diet.  Diet represents about 80% or more of the battle when it comes to weight loss.  Start taking a look at her diet and helping her make some small adjustments...eating a healthy breakfast, having healthy snacks around, eliminating sugar and sugary drinks like fruit juice and sodas, etc....don't let her buy any bad food for the house.  Eat breakfast with her in the morning, and start participating in cooking dinner with her if you don't already. 
The diet can make SUCH a difference that she could start to see results before she even gets into the gym...which will motivate her to get into the gym.  Everyone gets more motivated once they start seeing results.

- If she really wants to make a commitment to it, help her lay out some specific goals.  Don't just let her say she wants to do it and/or give it a go for a week or two.  Get out a calendar and perhaps a notebook or journal or something.  Establish a reasonable target goal (like losing the first 5 pounds in the first month)....Set a target date, document her current weight, and take some measurements for her. 

HAVE HER WRITE DOWN HER DIET EVERY DAY...everything she eats.  This will help her be more accountable.  Something that usually helps people is if they write down everything they eat for a week...then sit down and look at the diet, and find ways to cut 3500 calories out of it.  3500 calories is the equivalent of one pound, and it amounts to 500 calories a day.  This can be accomplished with relatively small adjustments in most cases, and it could allow her to lose a pound a week without doing anything else.

Once she gets into the routine, and you know she's on the right track, get her on the scale so that she can see results, which will keep her motivated.  Don't let her weigh herself every day or she will get discouraged.

Setting specific goals and targets works really well for me, actually.  It's one of the reasons I like contest prepping...I set a specific date for myself (the contest), and once I make the commitment and it's "game time," there is no room for cheating or diverting from the game plan, no matter how discouraged or un-motivated I may get at times.  When I set a personal challenge for myself, the one person that I do not want to let down is myself. 

- You need to be positive with her, not negative.  If you are thinking about saying something about her weight that she's not going to like to hear, don't say it or turn it into some sort of positive encouragement.  If you see that she's working hard and making progress, tell her that!  Remind her that consistency and patience are necessary for anyone to see results.

- Educate her about the importance of fitness and good nutrition.  Get her a subscription to a good women's magazine like Oxygen.  Get her to check out some stuff on the internet about weight loss and women's fitness.  Maybe she can be inspired by other people's weight loss stories, before and afters, etc.  Show her some pics that make her think "if she can do it, I can do it."  You don't necesarily have to spend money on a personal trainer...there's lots of stuff online, including diet and training plans, workout journals, women's fitness and nutrition websites, etc.

Those are just some ideas...it's really hard to know how to motivate someone who isn't ready to make the personal commitment.  You may be able to help inspire her, though, and then keep her motivated once she decides she wants to do it. 

 

[ripitupbaby]

You can also take a look at these threads:

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=183688.0

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=158441.0

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=204845.0

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=174464.0

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=200244.0

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=179383.0

[Hereford]

Good stuff there, Rip. Thanks!

I admit, the motivation isn't there. Just looking for ways to help get it going again.

It's sad to see such a pretty girl gain 50 lbs in the past year. 

[ripitupbaby]

Good stuff there, Rip. Thanks!

I admit, the motivation isn't there. Just looking for ways to help get it going again.

It's sad to see such a pretty girl gain 50 lbs in the past year. 

Are you in good shape and do you train regularly and eat clean?  If so, then it shouldn't be that hard for you to get her involved.  You just need to be positive and encouraging about it, and make sure she knows you are interested in doing this WITH her. 

I also think that group exercise is a great way to get her started.  Alot of women who are intimidated by the gym get involved in the group exercise classes (aerobics) and make a lot of friends.  Find a class that she can take while you are doing your weight training.

[freespirit]

Most people you meet in a gym are the same people you meet everywhere. A minority is in excellent shape.

Besides working out in a gym, there are other ways to get into shape.

[Hereford]

Most people you meet in a gym are the same people you meet everywhere. A minority is in excellent shape.

Besides working out in a gym, there are other ways to get into shape.

Actually I think that really matters on what gym you are at. Back in college the school had a sweet new fitness center, and with the guys, yea, it was like you say, but on the girls side, I'd say like 85% of the people there on the cardio were like 110 lbs soaking wet.

Now that's at a major university, and I'm sure the age group had something to do with it...

[MuscleMcMannus]

I hate working out with my girl.  It's not relationship time, it's bust your ass workout time when I go to the gym.  I have to be in my zone.  Knowing she's around does not put me in that zone.  Especially when she wants me to plant a kiss on her after a set. LOL.  I've come to the conclusion that women either love to workout at the gym or hate it.  Hence why there are so many fat, out of shape, flabby women, most hate it.  Even women that run all the time don't look that great to me.  I hate chicks that run all the time.  They have flabby bodies that will only get flabbier with age.  Muscle truly keeps a woman looking young.  Maybe not muscle but tone and weight training is what I mean. 

[newmom]

Hereford,
I was a girl that was super heavy. I was so embarrased at how I looked, but the only to change was to hit the gym and eat right. She really has to want to go. After a few weeks, I didnt think about if anyone starred at me. Even though I have hit a plateau (97llbs since Feb) and very very frustrated, I still go. Does she want to loose weight or anything or is she just complaining about the way she looks. Hell I used to complain about the way I look while eating McDonalds and drinking coke and grape soda like it was going out of style. Just be encouraging (sounds like u are). I'm not sure where her mind set is at. Not sure what her diet is either.

[Hereford]

Newmom...

I guess the follow up question would be ... How does a guy encourage her to 'want' to go?

[newmom]

I assume she supports you going to the gym. Does she want to loose weight?.

In all honesty, she really needs to want to go. I will think about my mind set before my weight loss and absence from the gym. I know I hated the way I looked. If she wants to loose weight, just remind her (im sure she knows this) that diet alone does not cut it. Tell her it would be fun to do it together and she can help you. I would think most women want to support their partner or spouse in succeding in anything

[ripitupbaby]

Yes, I agree, it sounds like the best way to get her to WANT to go is to actively participate in it with her and encourage her...make it fun for the both of you.  Once she gets going and enjoys it, maybe she'll want to go more often and motivate herself more.