The Adventure
Christmas 1976. I was seven years old. Most Christmases in Virginia, it wouldn't snow but it was too cold to play outside. But in 1976, it was pretty nice that Christmas.
Every Christmas our family would gather at Granddaddy and Granny's house. It would be Granddaddy, Granny, their six children and their spouses, and 11 of us grandchildren.
After we had all been there for a while, two of my older cousins, David and Ronnie, decided to go off on an "adventure." They put on their jackets and prepared to go.
Naturally, most of the smaller kids wanted to go on an "adventure" too. David and Ronnie told them to buzz off. So all the smaller kids ran to the nearest adult they could find and lobbied tearfully that David and Ronnie be forced to allow them to accompany them on the "adventure." During the discussion, Aunt Darlene (Ronnie's mother) singled ME out, pointed her fat, cream-filled finger in MY face, and screamed, "SOMETIMES BIG KIDS JUST WANT TO BE WITH KIDS THEIR OWN AGE!" It was her other son MICHAEL (who was MY AGE) that was screaming and crying the loudest. I wasn't even interested in going, and I hadn't said a word about it!
Anyway, the decision was made that David and Ronnie could go off on their "adventure" by themselves. Once this was announced, most of the smaller kids threw fits and then cried themselves to sleep. I sat on the couch between my daddy and my granddaddy and watched football.
About an hour and a half later, Granddaddy's neighbor came to the door, and was dragging David and Ronnie forcefully behind him. It seems that their "adventure" had been to go stomp on this guy's outdoor Christmas lights.
David's parents, to their credit, could immediately discern that David was guilty, and spanked him right there, in front of God and everybody. Aunt Darlene stood there and actually said she needed "proof" even though a tearful confession, which implicated Ronnie, was dragged out of David as he was receiving instruction and correction from his daddy's belt.
Well, it turns out that 1976 was one of the early years that the Polaroid "Instamatic" camera was widely available and affordable. Grandaddy's neighbor had gotten one for Christmas, and one of his first pictures was of David and Ronnie stomping on his outdoor Christmas lights. He handed the photo to Aunt Darlene. Grandaddy was looking over her shoulder.
Everybody looked at Aunt Darlene. She shouted, "Well, I don't believe in physical discipline!!" At that, Granddaddy said, "Well, I do," and he took Ronnie to the back room and administered the beating of a lifetime.
The End
