Brutal 'I'm 3 days away from getting my once-a-month haircut from ma' hairline, epic triple chin, Monster waist 12" wider than skinny sloped shoulders, savage$3 Kmart 'Deluxe' mop with changeable sponge, colossal false wooden paneling and 'come hither, big boy' smile at boyfriend taking the picture with $12 disposable camera.