I have had a very close male friend for a long time, I would say he is my best friend...
So here is my delimna ...
My friend is seeing two women at the same time.
That alone is the lowest of the low to me but the part that really irks me is that he is telling each one that they are the only woman for him, his soul mate.
All the stuff you say when you are in a truly close and committed relationship.
One of the ladies is a friend of mine, I met her through him but I wouldn't call her a close friend.
She is an amazing caring person and truly naive about love and life in general. (Religious upbringing)
She spends hours telling me via email, phone calls, texts about how great he is. She actually told me he is a man without flaws.
I have been keeping silent as I don't feel it is my place to show her what life is about.
If she is going to have the blinders on is it up to me to take them off?
I have called my friend a huge coward and raked his dumb ass over the coals for not being honest with either lady but he says he is just taking what he wants and so are they.
Where should my loyalty lie? or should loyalty even matter?
Should I just keep minding my own business?
OS, I completely understand your dilemma. I found myself in a similar situation years ago.
While Toxie's solution seems the most logical at face value, ...where friendships are involved, tossing someone to the curb for being less than perfect isn't always a viable option.
In my case, a very close friend and client at the time, was involved in a years long relationship with one woman, and enjoying a fling with another. The woman he was having the fling with was the keyboard player in his group. He introduced me to her and I became friends with her as well. She knew about the long time girlfriend, ...but essentially allowed herself to be treated like his Wednesday night whore. This girl had a myriad of issues, ...and it pained me beyond belief to see him taking advantage of her like that.
You can't always make people change the way they treat others, ...but you can make others aware of how they are being treated. They will (usually) at that point dictate the terms of what they are and are not willing to endure. So if Mohammed will not go to the mountain, ...just move the mountain to Mohammed.
I decided the best solution was to show her the difference between being a "Wednesday night whore", and being with a man who knew how to treat her right, ...so I fixed her up with a wealthy European investment broker; ...someone her traditional Greek father would both adore and approve of. lol. I inundated her with a parade of eligible single men that our mutual friend could not possibly hope to compete with on soooo many levels. It made only a slight bit of a difference with her, in that she had a history of gravitating towards men who treated her badly, and didn't know how to appreciate one who didn't use her or take advantage of her for her money... so there was limited success there, ...but it made a world of difference with our mutual friend. {lol} He realized pretty quickly that he needed to do better and be better than he currently was, ...especially since he did know better. The stuff he pulled on her, he would never in a million years dream of pulling on the long term girlfriend
Speak to your friend, and make him realize the selfishness of his ways, ...not just towards the other women, ...but also to you. Make him understand the difficult position he has put you in. YOU should also get clear about the incredible selfishness he is showing towards YOU. Do you believe that someone that selfish and uncaring about your feelings deserves your loyalty, at the expense of your heart, and an innocent woman's? If he wanted his secret kept, ...he should not have made you privy to it by putting you in that situation in the first place. I'd lay down the law and issue the ultimatum. He either comes clean... or be prepared to be outted. And if he doesn't come clean... keep his secret until you can't keep it anymore... then let the chips fall where they do with NO REGRETS! He was warned.
