OK...you lost me...I can relate to what dustin was sayin...you...not so much...
I dont kno why, but when i tripped that night, the whole trip was about me "not trying to die". i mean those were some rough times, i basically had to look over my shouldr all the time ( i wont get into the details). here are some of the scenarios of my trip:
1)i was hallucinating that i was in an ATARI game, the game was a combination od DUKE and PAC-MAN. i had to find my way around a maze ( and all of this is in my head, i wasnt running around or anything, but i could see myself as a 3rd person going through the mazes). i kept hearing this annoying theme music too, and it was getting so loud that i wanted to pull my hair our. anyway, somehow i passed through the maze and i felt "safe again". So i got up and started walking and i was fine a little bit, then for some reason ( i dont know what triggered it), my heart started pounding again and
2) ok, before we started our "meditation", i remember i was standing in the corner of the room, and i had a nice view of everything and everyone in the room ( people sitting on the couch, different bottles on the table, the order which people were sitting next to eacotjher etc). like i said after i finished the maze , i got up and started walking, and i think i went in the corner of the room, and thats what triggered that "snapshot image" i had in my head. For some reason i thought i would lose all touch with reality unless i recreated that image that i had in my head.
Again, i dont know why, ( i understand this part might've been a bad trip) but for some reason i thought that i will forever lose touch with reality and be trapped in my own head, UNLESS i canget in contact with reality again. by this tim ei was eeing all sorts of wierd shit, but the only REAL thing i knew which existd was the snapshot i had in my head, because i knew those were my buddies (no homo) sitting on the couch, and i knew they were real. so i had to recreate that image again by moving people around ( i actually had to tell everyone where to sit etc), and once i recreated the snapshot in my head, i felt "safe" again
3) So a lil while after that i was sitting on the couch, i could seriously feel something in me trying to get out, like my soul was trying to leave my body. At that point i was scared shitless thinking that my soul is gonna leave me, and i will forever be stuck in my own head. So again, i was seeing wierd stuff, so the only way for me NOT TO LOSE CONTACT WITH REALITY was to REMEMBER real events. Boy during that time i recalled some memories that i barely remember ever happening. So the deeper i went into my memory bank, the safer i felt.
does that make a lil mor sense Dawg?