But good for him if he found someone that makes him happy. Can't knock the guy for that
as long as he makes her happy in return... reciprocity...
DEPENDENCY
Dependency is the seeking of identity, support, security, or
permission from outside the self. The dependency object
may be another person; a social unit such as an extended
family or a religious or fraternal order; an entity beyond
the five senses such as a spirit guardian; or even a belief
system in itself, for example, nonviolence, to which the dependent
is devoted and from which the dependent receives
nurture in return.
By definition, dependency is reciprocal. The dependent
seeks, expecting and receiving a dependency response: To
give is to receive and to receive is to give. It is also obligatory:
Dependents are expected to seek and receive return
support. Failure to participate in this circle of obligation
may result in a range of responses from verbal disapproval
to ostracism.
Dependency differs from the related process of interdependence
in which separate entities reciprocally seek identity,
support, security, or permission from one another.
In “dependency societies,” such as Japan, the fledgling
ego is taught to defer inside a vertical authority system.
The ideal of conformity is intended to strengthen the individual’s
sense of self-respect. In “independence societies,”
such as modern mainstream America, the fledgling ego is
expected to move out of obligatory relationships in a horizontal
authority system, rather than to defer. The ideal of
self-focus is intended to strengthen the individual’s sense
of self-respect.
Key characteristics of dependency are bonding, obligation,
reciprocity, trust, continuity, and involvement. Every
culture or subculture defines “normal” dependency on the
basis of its own value system.
Whereas Western thought minimizes continuity between
the living and ancestors, dependency cultures tend
to consider discontinuity as threatening.
Even though there are cultural variations, there seem
also to be certain universals in dependency. Key characteristics
fall into three clusters.
The first cluster may be viewed as negative dependency,
which hinders psychosexual development, crippling the
ability to handle a variety of life situations. The second cluster
can be considered positive, enhancing the maturing process
by aiding individuals and groups to function in ways
that support their sense of well being. The third cluster relates
to an absence or termination of dependency relationships,
which may also cripple development.
It is useful to divide dependency theory into three culturetime
phases: (1) preliterate, tribal, and folk (beginning
to present), (2) modern colonial (1500–1945), and (3) postcolonial
(1945 to present).
Preliterate, Tribal, and Folk Studies
Early ethnological studies tended to view dependency as
structural networking based on tribal, village, folk, and extended
family patterns that were seen, on the whole, as positive.
They were thought to reflect security and other needs
in a life setting severely limited by a prescientific worldview
and technical development.
In such a society individuals define themselves or are
defined as they relate to others, rather than by how they fulfill
or express themselves. Success in these interactions is
considered the most important measure of mature selfexpression.
Modern Colonial
The interruption of traditional dependency patterns has
been a major and often underestimated effect of colonial
contact since the fifteenth century. As Mannoni has shown,
a major factor in the conquest of native peoples was their
own tendency to transfer dependency expectations from familiar
authority figures to European authority substitutes.
Aggressive European cultures exploited native dependency
while at the same time exporting values of independence,
individualism, and progress, which did as much to
weaken native resistance as the horses of Cortez or the
firearms of the British. With its emphasis on competition,
the Protestant work ethic dealt a heavy psychological blow
to traditional notions of reciprocity, obligation, and trust.
Under long-term colonization, the native personality is
thought to have been severely stressed by the need to reconcile
warring dependency-belief systems.
During this same period in the Western world, dependency
appears to have been systematically downgraded to neurotic
behavior. Sigmund Freud theorized that the helplessness
of the infant was the source of lifelong dependency bonds
against which the maturing ego must implacably struggle.
DEPENDENCY 271
Furthermore, Freud held that the psychological structures
and functions of societies paralleled those of individuals.
In modern thought—strongly influenced by Freudian
theory—individuals must struggle to break free from dependence
on groups as well as from a variety of others, beginning
with Mother. What had earlier been seen as reciprocity
came to be regarded as helplessness.
Postcolonial
In the Western world since about 1945, the belief has begun
to emerge that undue stress on independence, change, and
competition has contributed to massive alienation, anomie,
and even morbidity rates. One response has been a trend
toward the reinterpretation of dependency, as seen in a variety
of recent developments. Carl Rogers, through his work
on group dynamics, has encouraged a variety of lay and professional
approaches that stress dependency interaction.
More recently, “networking” has become a major drive
among persons who recognize their need to relate to other
individuals, especially in urban settings.
Another dependency development is affiliated families,
in which nonblood kin members of two or three generations
pool their needs and resources in a common dwelling or at
least in the same community.
J. GURIAN
See also: Affiliation Need; Alienation (Political); Bonding and
Attachment; Cross-cultural Psychology; Prosocial Behavior
