This reminds me of what happened to me in high school.
I was at my friends house, and he's "slightly" white trashy. By slightly, I mean hugely white trash.
So we're sitting in his basement (this was my first time over at his house), and i need to take a huge shit. I ask him where the shitter is, he points me to it.
I go in the "bathroom", which was in fact just a cornered off section of the basement with a shower curtain as a door. I move the curtain, and there's nothing but a 2" piece of pvc piping sticking out of the wall with about, i'd say a 3" funnel / cone on top of it. Now, I've seen this stuff at this before, you piss in it (granted, outdoors at festivals and what not) But it was oddly around the perfect height for shitting.
So, I squat over it, but it was like a 1/4" squat because it was still pretty high. So i'm 1/4 squatting and trying to shit. If you've ever tried this before, it's really fucking hard. I'm pretty sure the human mechanics are somehow setup so you have to have quads parallel to the ground to shit.
Anyways, somehow, finally by the grace of God, turds start coming out. But they weren't just little turds. Hard at first, then an explosion of shit. I swear, i've never shit more in my life. So, I shit, fill it up (it's about a 2" wide pipe by about 2 feet in length, not that hard to fill up). I look around, no toilet paper. I find a greasy shirt (the basement was used by my friend's old man as kind of a shop, so he had rags and what not laying around), wipe my ass with it.
Now, what do i do with the shit filled pvc pipe? I take the faucet (it was one of those stretchy ones you can pull out), and start slowly pouring water on it. Nothing, shit's solid, not moving, it's like clay.
So what do i do? Tell my friend I have to go, that my mom paged me (yes, early 90's).
I walk home, about a 30 minute walk. My parents are sitting by the phone laughing. There was an answering machine message.
"Hi, this is Mrs..... , .....'s mother. Your son was over at our house today and he took a dump in our laundry machine runoff tube. Next time, please let him know that the bathroom door is on the other side of the hall, and yes, we do have a toilet. Have a nice day".
