Maybe it was Ron's messages, maybe it was just a realization, like the day I quit drinking 16 years ago.
Enough is enough of the loser I am on these boards and most of the time in life. It's like a guy said to me, you either get on with living or get done dying. The asshole posts, the racist posts, the posting personal info, all the negative crap I bring to internet boards I am going to work my best at not doing anymore. It might last 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or forever, but the effort is going to be there. I have pulled my accounts from white supremist boards, it doesnt mean I still don't dislike immigrants taking our country over or gangster blacks, it just means I am going to try to be more culturally accepting. The weight loss thing is progressing, I eat better and started seeing a counsellor yesterday over a lot of issues. I am not going to run out and get a job because facts are facts, I am good at poker and make more money doing that than any 9-5 thing.
I dont expect a pat on the back or well wishes or anything, I just wanted to put it in hard form that there is an effort. I guess I FINALLY realized that I am a 40 some year old guy acting like a jackass. And doing this because my self image/self esteem is so low I take my crap out on others instead of owning up and dealing with it.
gotta start somewhere, all I can do is try.
(yes feel free now, meltdown, gayer than, epic whining,....etc etc)
Feel free to come hang with me and listen to some "Final War", you'll be back in no time.