Intense suicide note from Bill Zeller, noted programmer

[sync pulse]

Or from being under the control of others who don't understand you and put you on a life track from which it is nearly impossible to escape...

[Fatpanda]

lucky for you that your body has made you "suicide proof"

that whale carcass of yours makes it impossible to slit any of your wrists or throat

i feel your pain johnny.

don't take the easy way out man fight for your dignity - it may be long gone but there is always hope, however slight. 

[The Abdominal Snoman]

suicide is probably one of the more deplorable things a person can do

People who kill themselves just die and don't have to live with the consequences of the hurt and pain they leave with their parents, friends and other family


so to all of you people who are feeling sympathetic to this guy, you all can seriously take a fucking shit

this bill dude is dead and most likely his family loved him and now they have to live with the burden of this guy killing himself




ps....burn in hell bill and fuck off

COINTELSCHMOE 4god reported

[Fatpanda]

the only problem for johnny is that he s been abandonned and as result can only reproduce this once he has kids -especially if it's a boy- and that he s scared shitless to create links with other people fearing they will abandon him like his father did originally.

i wouldn't trust him with a boy.

would you let your son stay over with him ?

abused often abuse.

[The Abdominal Snoman]

Some people in this thread just aren't old enough or wise enough to appreciate suicide. Wishing torment on a soul who was already tormented is as bad as the rapist him/herself.

[The Abdominal Snoman]

Btw, we are definitely NOT "the ones who control how we let [the circumstances of our lives] affect us."

This is completely absurd.

Say you get shot in the face... are you "in control" of how that affects you?  I don't think anyone would argue that, and yet it's somehow different for more subtle circumstances?

This guy got assfucked by his dad or whatever and it fucked up his brain beyond belief.  No one in the whole world really understands how these things work.  Maybe this is really the cause of all his problems, maybe it isn't -- who knows.  But it's not out of the realm of possibility as far as any of us knows.  The brain (and other organs) are extremely sophisticated and we have only the slightest understanding, consequently, of a person's psychological properties.

A lot of people who like to preach about everyone being in control of the hand they're dealt have been able to overcome hard circumstances themselves, and figure everyone else ought to as well.  Rarely do they stop to consider that maybe they were able to overcome their problems due to the particular qualities of their character WHICH OTHER PEOPLE LACK!!!  Just because you were able to pull yourself out of the muck doesn't mean everyone is.  Just as a mental retard can't ever be expected to "make the most" of their dreams of becoming a star athlete, for example, this guy was unable to overcome the trauma he suffered as a child.

Here's another example to keep it BB related:  take some twink with shit insertions, awful response to gear, anatomical deficiencies etc. and he will never be able to go pro, no matter how badly he wants to.  Similarly, some people who have damaged brains cannot ever overcome their alienation and find love and acceptance, like this zellar guy, NO MATTER HOW BADLY THEY TRY, WANT IT, ETC.  They are NOT IN CONTROL of their lives... they have desires they can never fulfill and they fail and die and that's the end.

Good post. But remember, many people who we think are all together, may only be held together by the society thats around them. When that society collapses, only then can we see Darwin's true work.

[caseyviator]

i think it was the whole religion thing once again..organize religion is a bunch of people who insist u believe what they do and if not ur goin to hell and they dont like u....

hard to believe if there is a god that he wouild want that

[The Abdominal Snoman]

Every living breathing soul on earth has its own REALITY TUNNEL. Because of that, non of us could possibly fathom what someone else is seeing/thinking.

[MuscleMcMannus]

He is a victim of "Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest" syndrome.

Well getting raped by your dad every night would make someone feel that way don't you thinkg? 

I know one fucked up guy who's cousin made him suck his dick for years when he was a kid.  This wasn't a close friend or anything.... just someone a female friend of mine was dating at the time.  Never knew what she saw in the guy but she always talked about how wild and freaky he was in bed i.e. choking, bondage, biting, role playing rape scenes etc.  Now I know why. 

That one lady on Housewives of New Jersey came out in the tabloids saying how when she was young she was regularly raped and forced to have sex with family members and friends of the family during the night. 

The world is a fucked up evil place that's for sure........so if there is an all loving all knowing god......he can fuck off back to whatever fucked up place he came from in my opinion. 

[The Abdominal Snoman]

Well getting raped by your dad every night would make someone feel that way don't you thinkg?  

I know one fucked up guy who's cousin made him suck his dick for years when he was a kid.  This wasn't a close friend or anything.... just someone a female friend of mine was dating at the time.  Never knew what she saw in the guy but she always talked about how wild and freaky he was in bed i.e. choking, bondage, biting, role playing rape scenes etc.  Now I know why.  

That one lady on Housewives of New Jersey came out in the tabloids saying how when she was young she was regularly raped and forced to have sex with family members and friends of the family during the night.  

The world is a fucked up evil place that's for sure........so if there is an all loving all knowing god......he can fuck off back to whatever fucked up place he came from in my opinion.  

Once these people get to an underdeveloped childs mind, that mind is f8cked 4ever. There's no coming back fr0m that shit. A person can put on a good face for awhile but no matter how much cognitive therapy they have, they're fcked in the end. Its why some say there is child sex slave tunnels below Washington DC among many other places. These people in charge a fcked in the head. And its why most of earth is a fire storm.

[240 is Back]

So, this alleged rape - of which there are no pics yet posted - happened when he was 3 and he expects us to believe that, not only had he not moved on, but that he remembered it in the first place??

There really is a sucker born every minute, but I ain't that sucker. 

And he didn't even kill himself properly...dumbass died as a result of 'injuries suffering during a suicide attempt'.  What a failure.

I have a few memories of when I was 3.  I've always had a very good memory... 90% photographic.  i can't remember pages, but as a youth I was able to memorize lists after 1-2 looks at them.

So it's reasonable to think a guy with a brain built for being a famous computer programmer also had the ability to remember something from when he was 3, especially something so painful.  most of the things I remember from being a kid were seeing my sister fall and cut her chin, or when I lost a pen and was scared for days to tell my mom.

Point is, I think a guy with a super brain would remember something very painful and traumatic from age 3.

And if you've read this far, you deserve...

[epic_alien]

jesus, did the balcony diver really think from that height he was going to off himself. retard

no shit, what a dumb fuck

[Master Blaster]

I have a few memories of when I was 3.  I've always had a very good memory... 90% photographic.  i can't remember pages, but as a youth I was able to memorize lists after 1-2 looks at them.

So it's reasonable to think a guy with a brain built for being a famous computer programmer also had the ability to remember something from when he was 3, especially something so painful.  most of the things I remember from being a kid were seeing my sister fall and cut her chin, or when I lost a pen and was scared for days to tell my mom.

Point is, I think a guy with a super brain would remember something very painful and traumatic from age 3.

And if you've read this far, you deserve...

I think the rape started when he was 3. Sounds like it was not a one time thing.

[indie-lad]

Not many people recover from a bad childhood it will be a struggle your entire life.

Quoted for truth.
It's always there and haunts you until the end whether good or bad.

I feel for this guy.

[Alexander D]

This thread is officially DEAD... every few months someone posts a thread about suicide and 50% think its so sad and cry for the kid and the other 50% think they are a piece of shit for doing it lol... a few months ago- it was that gay dude who killed himself after being caught on video by his roommate.

Yawn.

THREAD OVER.

[Flexb]

I know, I know. Annoying to post something so long, but it's pretty intense.

Raped as a 3 year old. 

Dude had a really fucked up childhood.

By not addressing the issue, he made a fatal mistake. Strange he wouldn't at least try to talk to someone about if before he killed himself -- he let this "darkness" totally devour him.

[YngiweRhoads]

Studies on the brains of those who've successfully committed suicide have been shown to be physically different than that of a normally functioning brain.

Just sayin'.

[suckmymuscle]

(note: Bill Zeller died yesterday, January 5th)

Bill Zeller


I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.

My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.

This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.

At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.

The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.

Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the control it has over my life.

I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant. I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.

Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.

Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.

I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.

I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.

Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.

Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right". The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.

Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so fucked up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions. I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatability is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.

So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have. This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.

I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.

I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.

I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the fuck they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.

I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.

So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.

I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.

I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontimated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.

There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.

You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.

People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.

Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore.

I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.

I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.

—-

I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.

If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.

They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.

A random example:

"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.

If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.

Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.

I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.

Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.

I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.

—-

To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my shittiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.

I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.

Bill Zeller

—-

Please save this letter and repost it if gets deleted. I don't want people to wonder why I did this. I disseminated it more widely than I might have otherwise because I'm worried that my family might try to restrict access to it. I don't mind if this letter is made public. In fact, I'd prefer it be made public to people being unable to read it and drawing their own conclusions.

Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety.

Thanks to Xeni Jardin and Matt Haughey for bringing Zeller's letter to my attention.

Send an email to Joel Johnson, the author of this post, at joel@gizmodo.com.

  Ok, this guy has definitely changed my stance on Capital Punishment. Now I think all pedophiles and rapists should have their testicles removed and then have salt thrown in the wounds and then be left to die of hemorraging and infection.

SUCKMYMUSCLE

[bigdumbbell]

Pics or it didn't happen.

...

i like this  LOL

[suckmymuscle]

suicide is probably one of the more deplorable things a person can do

People who kill themselves just die and don't have to live with the consequences of the hurt and pain they leave with their parents, friends and other family


so to all of you people who are feeling sympathetic to this guy, you all can seriously take a fucking shit

this bill dude is dead and most likely his family loved him and now they have to live with the burden of this guy killing himself




ps....burn in hell bill and fuck off

  "Salvatore" you are a complete and utter piece of trash. I know that for you, since you are a f.a.g.g.o.t, getting fucked in the ass is natural, but for a straight man it is traumatazing. It is very easy for you to wax poetically about how he should have fought for life and how he should have been a warrior and sucked it up so that he wouldn't cause any pain to his family when he left, but you are only saying this because nothing this terrible has ever happened to you. STFU.

SUCKMYMUSCLE

[johnnynoname]

 "Salvatore" you are a complete and utter piece of trash. I know that for you, since you are a f.a.g.g.o.t, getting fucked in the ass is natural, but for a straight man it is traumatazing. It is very easy for you to wax poetically about how he should have fought for life and how he should have been a warrior and sucked it up so that he wouldn't cause any pain to his family when he left, but you are only saying this because nothing this terrible has ever happened to you. STFU.

SUCKMYMUSCLE

i still stand by the fact that suicide is extremely selfish, a quitter's way out and hurts the people around the deceased the most.


btw- you don't know jack shit about what terrible things that have happened in my life and i'm not gonna post any of that shit here just for the sake of you guys feeling sorry for me.  ive been a victim and ive been exploited

ps fuck off

[wes mantooth]

i still stand by the fact that suicide is extremely selfish, a quitter's way out and hurts the people around the deceased the most.


btw- you don't know jack shit about what terrible things that have happened in my life and i'm not gonna post any of that shit here just for the sake of you guys feeling sorry for me.  ive been a victim and ive been exploited

ps fuck off

thread closed.

[Firemuscle]

  Ok, this guy has definitely changed my stance on Capital Punishment. Now I think all pedophiles and rapists should have their testicles removed and then have salt thrown in the wounds and then be left to die of hemorraging and infection.

SUCKMYMUSCLE

 The priests disagree with you.

 

 

[disco_stu]

suicide is probably one of the more deplorable things a person can do

People who kill themselves just die and don't have to live with the consequences of the hurt and pain they leave with their parents, friends and other family


so to all of you people who are feeling sympathetic to this guy, you all can seriously take a fucking shit

this bill dude is dead and most likely his family loved him and now they have to live with the burden of this guy killing himself




ps....burn in hell bill and fuck off

the ignorants yet again surpass what even i have learnt to expect from GB.

you cant imagine the torment this perso is going through, so you write it off as being soft, and cowardly.

its quite the opposite in fact. its clear he would prefer to live, and yearns for normality, and wants to feel what you and others take for granted, but for a bunch of reasons he cant.

some people have nothing and are happy, others have everything and yet are depressed.

some survive incredible trauma and cant cope.

would you be so harsh on someone who has one leg not being able to run?, or would you think they were selfish because they didnt kick the football to you?

the reason why you think the way you do is pure and simple. you are ignorant and uneducated. you are also possibly psychopathic.

this guy is clearly intelligent- far superior to most people, and has thought about this alot, and for a long time.

it takes incredible courage to act on his temptations, ignoring the glimmers of hope that come by every now and then, and the message from the community that life is good..

it takes a balanced state of mind to weigh it all up. the guy's got courage, and should be sympathised with and revered for this conviction.

[YngiweRhoads]

the ignorants yet again surpass what even i have learnt to expect from GB.

you cant imagine the torment this perso is going through, so you write it off as being soft, and cowardly.

its quite the opposite in fact. its clear he would prefer to live, and yearns for normality, and wants to feel what you and others take for granted, but for a bunch of reasons he cant.

some people have nothing and are happy, others have everything and yet are depressed.

some survive incredible trauma and cant cope.

would you be so harsh on someone who has one leg not being able to run?, or would you think they were selfish because they didnt kick the football to you?

the reason why you think the way you do is pure and simple. you are ignorant and uneducated. you are also possibly psychopathic.

this guy is clearly intelligent- far superior to most people, and has thought about this alot, and for a long time.

it takes incredible courage to act on his temptations, ignoring the glimmers of hope that come by every now and then, and the message from the community that life is good..

it takes a balanced state of mind to weigh it all up. the guy's got courage, and should be sympathised with and revered for this conviction.

Yeah, most here seem to be pretty uninformed on this subject.