i see porn star auditions in this thread
seriously, just be done with it, get them judged on who looks better on all fours, laying on their back legs in the air, who can do the splits, who can put legs behind head, who can give the best eye fuck look to the camera, who can touch their toes without bending their knees etc etc etc...
thats how this category should be judged.
then acceptance speech should have no doubt in judges mind they chose the right one because a sentance cannot be put together for the life of them. if they giggle and "um" every 2 seconds, the judges should know they made the right decsion.