read this.....this pretty much backs up my own interpretation of Buddhism and especially about the sexual aspect of Buddhism.
Sexual activity, like eating, can be motivated by a disturbing emotion or attitude, a constructive one, or a neutral one. Based on the motivation, the act of having sex or eating likewise becomes destructive, constructive, or neutral. For instance, if we eat out of tremendous greed and attachment - just stuff ourselves like a pig - it's self-destructive. If we eat because we need to be strong in order to take care of our families - in order to have the strength and energy to work, and so on - that's a positive motivation; the eating is constructive. If we eat just because it's time to eat and everybody else is eating, it's ethically neutral.
The same thing is true with sex. If we have sex because we have tremendous attachment and desire, or because of anger like when soldiers rape their enemy's wives and daughters, it's destructive. If we're having sex in order to show affection and help somebody - an appropriate person - with the hope that this will make the person feel a little better, it's constructive. If we have sex just because we can't fall asleep and it'll make us tired so that we can fall asleep faster, then it's neutral.
The result of what we experience from the same act is different according to the motivation. "Destructive" means that it's going to produce problems for us in the future. For most people, the negative motivation for sex that would make it destructive and cause problems for them in the future is usually attachment and longing desire. What we need to work on, in the context of renunciation, is not the sexual act itself, but rather this attachment and longing desire.
Let's give an example. Suppose we are looking for the perfect orgasm. Such a quest causes us always to be dissatisfied with the sexual experience that we have. We're always looking for a better one. We're always longing for something more, and can never really enjoy what we have. Such an attitude makes us frustrated and miserable. It leads to never having a satisfying sexual experience.
The same is the case if we're always looking for the perfect sexual partner. We're never going to find the perfect partner. We're always going to be dissatisfied; our attitude is always going to make us unhappy. Sexual activity driven by these types of attitudes is destructive - it's self-destructive. When we talk about destructive, it's always self-destructive.
So that's what we have to renounce - the myth of a perfect partner and a perfect orgasm, and the longing desire that this myth generates. Our longing desire is based on the naive confusion of "somewhere out there is going to be the perfect partner with whom I will have the perfect orgasm." That's a myth. It's a child's fairy tale. It's never going to happen. Sorry.
http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/approaching_buddhism/world_today/introduction_buddhist_sexual_ethics.html