Anyone who will avoid someone just because they have HIV is an ignorant shallow paranoid fool. You don't even know how they got it, your just worried they have it. That is like someone thinking of you as "that gay guy" instead of who you are, I have no issue with dating someone who is HIV as long as they didn't get it sleeping around. Also be as safe as possible, a relationship isn't all about sex. There is zero chance of getting HIV from making out, so yea...
Always use condoms for penetrative sex, they protect against gonorrhea, syphilis and other venereal diseases.AIDS appears to have a much higher correlation with nitrites, poppers with gay men, and nitrite pesticides and fertilizers used in Africa.
Kissing carries very little risk unless you both have bleeding open sores in your mouths. Oral sex is a bit riskier as there will be some levels of the virus present in his semen. Most, if not all of it will be destroyed by your stomach acid. HOWEVER, there's always the chance of an open sore, bleeding gums, ulcer, or other irritation in your mouth or esophagus that could allow the virus to enter your blood.
While the risks from oral sex are much lower then unprotected anal or vaginal sex, it can still be a method of transmission.
Your ostensibly egalitarian post is offensive.
You have no problem dating someone who is HIV positive—unless they got it from sleeping around? Is this something you inquire of your dates once you learn they are positive? And what exactly constitutes “sleeping around?” It wasn’t that long ago when any
sex outside of marriage was considered sleeping around and very frowned upon. Two? Four? Eight? Twelve? Twenty Five? At what point do you judge someone and cut them off as unacceptable because they “slept around”? And if you feel this is so important why not abstain from sex until marriage? I suspect you have a hard time adhering to your own values. That is regrettable since you seem eager to apply them to others.
On the other side of the coin, why is it wrong to be extremely cautions about HIV and other STDs. If more people were like that HIV would not be the problem that it is. If you want to play with HIV positive partners that is certainly your prerogative, but who are you to decide that someone else is being unnecessarily exclusive for declining to do so? Isn't one's good health more important that offending the egos and sensibilities of a potential sex partner?
In the 80's and 90's it was common to see personal ads that read "...no fats, fems, no Asians, no Blacks..." Yet somehow now declining to date or sleep with a HIV positive person is politically unacceptable? Which is more offensive?
Curiously, I have met a number of HIV positive men who specifically do not want to date or have a long term relationship with someone else who is HIV positive. These days it is common to see + guys describe themselves "health poz." Some people would call that an oxymoron.
Do what works for you . . . and leave it at that.