So basically you lived a typical christian life then hit rock bottom. And you thought about your life and thought about God, you needed to change. You did. God showed you mercy and you accept that mercy. But in return instead of worshipping God you continue to be upon what you wer eraised and that is worshipping and believing in the trinity.
I went to church, I got baptized (later by my own choice not at birth), had my communion, attended sunday mass, sunday school, went to catholic elementary and secondary. I also participated in ushering, singing, doing kids programs (helping other kids), was mentored, was mentoring, etc... etc... Loved religion classes. Read the bible like you did. Believed strongly in God despite all around me (the typical christians who do anything and think their life is great). I abstained from the 'regular' activities of drinking, partying, etc... that my fellow classmates were into. Besides we are all 'saved'? Right?
I really tried hard to be a better christian but most importantly I TRULY believed in God and God alone above all. However I could NOT accept LIES and MAN MADE things, it did not turn me away from God, but I could not accept lies!
You saw the light, so to speak, you felt God's mercy, but you were tricked into accepting man made things still instead of continuing to seek out, search and study. Instead you surrounded yourself probably with what you were already raised with and dwelled in books that were tailored with the same mindset.
I kept going further, that is why I even tried getting my hands across apocrypha, studying christian history, judaism, other religions, etc...
I never stoped believing in God as some people who are confused by the man made stuff instead it strengthened my conviction but I kept looking everywhere and everywhere saw man made things until I came upon islam and yes all the questions I had about the bible that were confusing were in fact answered by the qur'an.
Your heart has to be soft and willing to open your eyes and heart to this truth. Otherwise you will continue for the rest of your life just doing what you were upon and that is worshipping the trinity which you cannot prove beyond your faith and linguistics. History is against you, scripture is against you as we went back and forth. You're stubborn in that fact.
You have faith, strong faith, which is admirable, you changed your life, you thought about the bad you were doing even if you are thought hey you're saved like most christians, but why? Because INSIDE YOU you KNOW that there is a difference. Yet still you end up in the same path of trinitarianism.
The very church fathers doubted their beliefs in the trinity.
The guy who put this illustration together doubted himself at the end of his life:
As such you have become far more emotional than rational because you cannot rationally or intellectually accept these things. Unless you're just being stubborn. Hence why Christianity often is portrayed with emotion and blind faith.
I could not accept that. No matter what priests, teachers, pastors, whoever told me about the trinity, all their magical examples it all ultimately resorted to 'have faith', but when you are confronted with the TRUTH in the matter how can you accept a lie and say have faith? I have faith in truth not lies.
