How Can You Help An Alcoholic?

[Wez]

Right here....this is it and I know it. 

My heart has no logic unfortunately....thank god my head does.

WEZ......can I ask your opinion on this with you being a former alcoholic?

I do understand this thinking as I have had problems with drug addicts and alcoholism in my family and friends. You can be supportive with out full on enabling. You can love them but not feed into the bullshit. If this is someone you truly love then it is very difficult to say " fuck them" Everyone has a breaking point and in the end you must take care of yourself first. I come from a long line of very good drinkers. I am the only one who is still alive. I broke the chain and now have to hope my children aren't next. Two out of the three already drink too much. You must find the real reason that he drinks this much. Nobody drinks to outrageous excess for no reason. With drink comes depression. No one can tell you not to fight but be careful to not be drug down into the abyss. It's an endless drop. I believed I could not live without whiskey. I didn't think I could survive an entire day sober. My eldest daughter came over my house 8 years ago ( she was 28 at the time ) and said " Dad haven't you had enough?" I had. Ken

[Dago_Joe]

It's been said before, but all you can do is support them.  But do not enable them.  It is a very very fine line.  I am also going through this with someone I love more than anythiing and she refuses to get help.  It is heartbreaking.  You just want to take their pain onto yourself, but sadly you cannot.  Just tell the person you will help in any way that does not involve getting them more alcohol.  It will be near impossible to do when they start begging you or saying horrible things to you like you don't care about them  Remember it is the drug talking not them.  I feel your pain dude.

[TheShape]

GABA will help suppressing the need to drink.

[24KT]

Get the fuk away from them. Alcoholics and addicts write their own script and you are volunteering to be an actor in their play. They will only change when the pain becomes unbearable for them and it may or may not ever happen.
 Get on with your life.

^^^^^^

QFT!!!

All you can do is move on. They will not change until they are ready to, ...and they may not ever be.
You owe it to yourself to move forward, and not allow this person to bring you down. If this is a business relationship, all the more reason to walk away. Drinking means more to them than anything else and they will drop the ball at the worst possible moments. You need a partner that will pull their own weight, not someone whose screwups you constantly have to fix. Usually they won't change until they've hit rock bottom. If they want to dive head first over the edge of a cliff, ...decline the invitation to join them. Remember, they have to want sobriety more for themselves, than you or anyone else wants it for them. Good Luck to you.

[BikiniSlut]

Wez.....do you ever crave alcohol? Or have you really moved on from it.

I'm having a hard time letting go. The path we were heading down together was amazing. I AM letting go but really suffering inside. Lots of tears.

I do know what his pain is but I can't change it. I can help alleviate it but not change it.

I suppose a part of me was hoping to hear more success stories out of this thread.....but realistically I knew what to expect.

I've never dealt with an alcoholic before.....not at this level anyways. I've known lots but this is the first time I've become close with one.

[Wez]

Wez.....do you ever crave alcohol? Or have you really moved on from it.

I'm having a hard time letting go. The path we were heading down together was amazing. I AM letting go but really suffering inside. Lots of tears.

I do know what his pain is but I can't change it. I can help alleviate it but not change it.

I suppose a part of me was hoping to hear more success stories out of this thread.....but realistically I knew what to expect.

I've never dealt with an alcoholic before.....not at this level anyways. I've known lots but this is the first time I've become close with one.

Yes I do on occasion. I can't hang around bars too long or I get antsy. I drink tonic water with lime when I go out to dinner ( my wife has a glass of wine) and it makes me feel like a part of things. A lot of drinking for me was the ritual. I liked having my Manhattan glass with the bitters and the cherry and the Crown Royal. It was a ritual. Now my ritual is loading pins . My physique has benefitted enormously from the abstinence of liquor. So I focus on that. Luckily I never gave a shit what anyone else thinks when I go out so that is not a concern. Really high stress times can be a trigger but now I just go to the gym or have a lot of sex. 

[BikiniSlut]

Has anyone here ever known someone who gradually decreased their alcohol consumption? Until they quit?

I don't know if this is even possible.

Is it all or nothing with alcoholics? I have no clue. 

With almost everything I do in life I have to gradually increase or decrease to succeed. That's how I function best.

I would think Wez that you could have one drink at dinner with your wife BUT after reading your posts it seems to me you simply can't.

[anabolichalo]

a normal person doesnt crave alcohol

an alcoholic does


that is the difference


alcoholism can be a genetic propensity


after all everybody is exposed to alcohol but only some get addicted

[BikiniSlut]

a normal person doesnt crave alcohol

an alcoholic does


that is the difference


alcoholism can be a genetic propensity


after all everybody is exposed to alcohol but only some get addicted

Agreed. I could drink for days on end and then quit and not drink for years. I wouldn't even think about it.

I really believe there is a huge genetic component.

[anabolichalo]

Agreed. I could drink for days on end and then quit and not drink for years. I wouldn't even think about it.

I really believe there is a huge genetic component.

yes most likely

thing is also a non alcoholic feels repulsed by alcohol once he had too much


an alcoholic drinks faster and faster the more drunk he gets


at first it gives him pleasure, but as the disease progresses it makes him feel like shit but he cant stop

[Wez]

yes most likely

thing is also a non alcoholic feels repulsed by alcohol once he had too much


an alcoholic drinks faster and faster the more drunk he gets


at first it gives him pleasure, but as the disease progresses it makes him feel like shit but he cant stop

Bikini what my man says here is true. When I drank I could never be filled. I would start at 16:00 at drink whiskey until about 23:00 and then have two heavy red beers to finish up. By the end I would start at lunch and had to sip the first drink threw a straw because I shook so bad I couldn't hold the glass steady. Most drunks are OCD. All or nothing types. I either can drink no alcohol or 25. There is no one or two. So tapering up or down was never an option for me. But my Brother can take it or leave it. Go figure.

[anabolichalo]

Bikini what my man says here is true. When I drank I could never be filled. I would start at 16:00 at drink whiskey until about 23:00 and then have two heavy red beers to finish up. By the end I would start at lunch and had to sip the first drink threw a straw because I shook so bad I couldn't hold the glass steady. Most drunks are OCD. All or nothing types. I either can drink no alcohol or 25. There is no one or two. So tapering up or down was never an option for me. But my Brother can take it or leave it. Go figure.

i have an uncle who is the same that's why i know about this shit

as it was explained to me by some doctors

his brothers dont have it


dude was near death a few times


but cant be stopped

sometimes i would see him in the local grocery shop checkout holding a crate of strong beer

 


his life was a huge success and he was an accomplished man but the booze fucked everything up

[Wez]

i have an uncle who is the same that's why i know about this shit

as it was explained to me by some doctors

his brothers dont have it


dude was near death a few times


but cant be stopped

sometimes i would see him in the local grocery shop checkout holding a crate of strong beer

 


his life was a huge success and he was an accomplished man but the booze fucked everything up

I watched it kill my Grandfather and still drank anyway. Sorry to hear that Brother.

[anabolichalo]

I watched it kill my Grandfather and still drank anyway. Sorry to hear that Brother.

it cant be controlled unless by force

[pedro01]

a normal person doesnt crave alcohol

an alcoholic does


that is the difference


alcoholism can be a genetic propensity


after all everybody is exposed to alcohol but only some get addicted

This is a myth.

Alcohol is an addictive drug.

You don't hear of "heroinolics" do you? Of people that take heroin freely and of the addicts having a genetic flaw that makes them an addict.

Everyone has the propensity to become addicted to alcohol because it is an addictive drug.

AA will tell you it's genetic but this is simply something they made up. That it's genetic, that it's a disease. This is nonsense.

It does take time and effort to become addicted to alcohol but anyone can do it.

[anabolichalo]

This is a myth.

Alcohol is an addictive drug.

You don't hear of "heroinolics" do you? Of people that take heroin freely and of the addicts having a genetic flaw that makes them an addict.

Everyone has the propensity to become addicted to alcohol because it is an addictive drug.

AA will tell you it's genetic but this is simply something they made up. That it's genetic, that it's a disease. This is nonsense.

It does take time and effort to become addicted to alcohol but anyone can do it.

bullshit

everybody drinks alcohol only few get addicted


addictive my foot

[Quickerblade]

bullshit

everybody drinks alcohol only few get addicted


addictive my foot

yes, addictive to alcohol lol. I fucken hate alcohol.

[BikiniSlut]

My alcoholic wants to see me. I can't do it. 

I sure want to though.

[pedro01]

bullshit

everybody drinks alcohol only few get addicted


addictive my foot

You are questioning the fact that alcohol is an addictive drug?

How about Heroin? Cocaine? Crack - none of these are addictive right?

Many people use coke and heroin without becoming addicts. This does not mean they could not get addicted if they worked at it.

Usually, it's psychological dependence that leads to chemical dependence. For instance, getting shitfaced because you are unhappy with your life, drinking a bottle of wine at home each night because you are lonely.

[anabolichalo]

You are questioning the fact that alcohol is an addictive drug?

How about Heroin? Cocaine? Crack - none of these are addictive right?

Many people use coke and heroin without becoming addicts. This does not mean they could not get addicted if they worked at it.

Usually, it's psychological dependence that leads to chemical dependence. For instance, getting shitfaced because you are unhappy with your life, drinking a bottle of wine at home each night because you are lonely.

intresting

[Primemuscle]

Believe me....I know the question is very general.

I just basically want to get a discussion started and learn about people's experiences with alcoholism.....whether they have suffered or had loved ones suffer.

I also know I can only control myself.

But someone I deeply love is suffering from it and I want to help so badly, and if I can't I want to learn and know so I can try to empathize. I know I truly can't empathize but a little bit of know goes a long way with me.

Encourage then to attend AA meetings. Generally, people who are too close like family and loved ones can't help an alcoholic as much and a stranger in the same situation can. Of course there are always exceptions, but very often this is the case.

[BikiniSlut]

Pedro....I'm sure anyone can become addicted to alcohol but there are definitely people that are much more easily susceptible to its addiction.

Some people do crack and are hooked their first time. Others are not.

However every single alcoholic I have ever known has had a close relative who is also an alcoholic, leading me to believe there is a strong genetic component.

This is the first alcoholic I have been close with. His father died of his drinking due to cirrhosis of the liver.

[BikiniSlut]

Encourage then to attend AA meetings. Generally, people who are too close like family and loved ones can't help an alcoholic as much and a stranger in the same situation can. Of course there are always exceptions, but very often this is the case.

I know I shouldn't do this but I'm strongly considering giving him an ultimatum....go to AA or we will have to continue on with our journey at a distance. Which greatly changes things.

[Wez]

I know I shouldn't do this but I'm strongly considering giving him an ultimatum....go to AA or we will have to continue on with our journey at a distance. Which greatly changes things.

I feel your pain. I sense it in the words. You have to come first. Sooner or later it will take you down too. If this is a lover ( and it sounds like it has to be) then you both have to be on the same page to survive. One drunk and one sober never works. The fact that alcohol is legal makes it acceptable to society. It seems like I know very few people who can drink with control anymore. It's insidious. If not AA maybe detox at least. Why is he so unhappy?

[hrspwr1]

If you want to waste your energy on a person who abuses alcohol go ahead but you are heading down a very painful road.
 
 You seem like a nice enough person wanting to help and all. They may quit for a short time but the lies and deception will resurface eventually.

 I went down this road with a woman I loved for 3 years, she would hold it together for a little while and I would start to believe the worst was over and then it would start again. After a while I was as crazy as her.

 It wasn`t boring but it wasn`t fun.