Self-Centered/Selfish women

[Danimal77]

So, I started dating this good looking chick a few weeks ago. She really poured on the sweet texts from day 1 and hell, the attention is nice, BUT, here's the thing, the attention only comes in text. When I see her in person, 99% of the time, she talks only about herself, NEVER asking me questions about anything (my life, my interests, my past, etc). IF I do bring up something related to me and NOT related to her, she immediately says: "oh yeah?" and then redirects the conversation immediately back to her.

Example:

Me: Hey, so I had to do overtime today at work. I'm exhausted.
Her: Oh yeah? I had to do overtime last week. I hate doing overtime. Last year I did overtime for 1 week straight, etc......

Me: SO, did you know that I do martial arts?
Her: Oh yeah? I did martial arts when I was younger. I did it for 2 months. I hated it, etc..

Me: Hey, I had a great day today. I ran into an old friend of mine and...
Her: Oh yeah? Yeah, I had a good day too. I did this and I did that...

SO, at 1st I was thinking hmmmm, this is a bit strange. I mean you begin to become aware that these are not real conversations. I've stopped her more than once now and made her aware of this and she plays the victim and either doesn't understand or doesn't acknowledge what I'm telling her.

It's gotten to the point that I dread f u c k i n g talking to her. She is good looking and really sweet in other ways, but DAMN, she's totally self-centered and selfish as anything.

I saw her on Saturday. I had plans to see my family on Sunday and she tells me that I chose to see my family over her? I said excuse me? She says well, you could have seen me instead of your family. I said HEY, my sister's going through a rough time and it was important for me to be there for her today. She replies back well, so I guess what's important to me, to spend time with my bf, isn't important to you? After that I ignored her and have all day.

Is this girl nuts? How to handle self-centered/selfish women, who CAN be really nice and sweet in other ways?

[38-26-40]

I'm annoyed just from reading this lol sorry 

[titusisback]

Use her for sex for as long as you can with minimal time investment and date other women in the meanwhile.

[Danimal77]

I'm annoyed just from reading this lol sorry 

You're annoyed by her actions?

[SF1900]

So tell her all of this, instead of coming on here and telling us. I noticed no one speaks from the heart. People are hesitant to let others know how they feel. She may be totally unaware she is doing this, which I bet she is. She may just need someone to point this out to her, in order for her to change. You can either, A) dump her, or B) let her know how you feel and hope she changes.

If she doesnt change, then obviously leave her. But avoidance never works, especially in relationships.

However, the whole incident with your family is ridiculous. She is definitely in the wrong.

[240 is Back]

all kidding aside, she's starved for attention and insecure and dying to get praise/props.  She needs "words of affirmation"  - that's her love language.  For it to work, if you want it to work, spend one evening talking about her nonstop, always deflecting and never talking about yourself.  She'll be intrigued by you.  Be aloof and mysterious.  Make her beg for details about yourself.  Then, make everything you say intriguing, and then continually redirect things back to her. 

She'll fall in love with you.

[titusisback]

She'll fall in love with you.

And that`s a good thing how?

[Danimal77]

all kidding aside, she's starved for attention and insecure and dying to get praise/props.  She needs "words of affirmation"  - that's her love language.  For it to work, if you want it to work, spend one evening talking about her nonstop, always deflecting and never talking about yourself.  She'll be intrigued by you.  Be aloof and mysterious.  Make her beg for details about yourself.  Then, make everything you say intriguing, and then continually redirect things back to her. 

She'll fall in love with you.

I totally get what you're saying and I agree and I would do that, but man, what about the charade she pulled today, regarding my seeing my sister who is going through a brutal divorce and custody battle with her little kids? This girl is essentially saying SCREW your sister and your nephew and niece. I don't care what they are going through and SEE ME INSTEAD.

I was so shocked by the level of selfishness in her today (which went beyond her just talking about herself) that I stopped looking at her texts and I'm sure they have piled up in my phone and I'm sure not one of them have any form of apology attached to them. It's not even rational to think that after a few weeks you can tell someone that YOU are more important than the other persons family members.

[titusisback]

I totally get what you're saying and I agree and I would do that, but man, what about the charade she pulled today, regarding my seeing my sister who is going through a brutal divorce and custody battle with her little kids? This girl is essentially saying SCREW your sister and your nephew and niece. I don't care what they are going through and SEE ME INSTEAD.

I was so shocked by the level of selfishness in her today (which went beyond her just talking about herself) that I stopped looking at her texts and I'm sure they have piled up in my phone and I'm sure not one of them have any form of apology attached to them. It's not even rational to think that after a few weeks you can tell someone that YOU are more important than the other persons family members.

Did you not read my advice? That`s your best bet

[Danimal77]

So tell her all of this, instead of coming on here and telling us. I noticed no one speaks from the heart. People are hesitant to let others know how they feel. She may be totally unaware she is doing this, which I bet she is. She may just need someone to point this out to her, in order for her to change. You can either, A) dump her, or B) let her know how you feel and hope she changes.

If she doesnt change, then obviously leave her. But avoidance never works, especially in relationships.

However, the whole incident with your family is ridiculous. She is definitely in the wrong.

I have. Several times now.

[Danimal77]

Did you not read my advice? That`s your best bet

I did read your advice. While trying not to sound too homo, I don't want to just use someone for sex.

[SF1900]

I have. Several times now.

Then end it. And I agree, it is not right to use someone just for sex. I would never do that. Just make a clean break, man.

[titusisback]

I did read your advice. While trying not to sound too homo, I don't want to just use someone for sex.

Well, she`s full of herself, doesn`t give a shit about you - you`re not interested in using her for sex. Leave her.

What are you hoping to hear? That she will change and she`ll be your amazing hot wife with an amazing personality? You already know it, it`s not going to happen. So stop wasting your time. Sorry to sound harsh bro but that`s the truth.

[Danimal77]

Then end it. And I agree, it is not right to use someone just for sex. I would never do that. Just make a clean break, man.

I don't know why I feel bad/guilty. I keep thinking this is how she's always been and if I'm patient with her and TEACH her, she'll be able to kick her bad habit. She genuinely is a good/nice person, who can be super affectionate and sweet, but that other characteristic of hers is probably THE biggest turn off I can think of.

[titusisback]

She genuinely is a good/nice person, who can be super affectionate and sweet

Her telling you to f*ck your family is a weird way to show affection. Sounds like a very one dimensional chick to me.

[Danimal77]

Well, she`s full of herself, doesn`t give a shit about you - you`re not interested in using her for sex. Leave her.

What are you hoping to hear? That she will change and she`ll be your amazing hot wife with an amazing personality? You already know it, it`s not going to happen. So stop wasting your time. Sorry to sound harsh bro but that`s the truth.

Nah, it's cool bro. I appreciate the honesty. It's messed up, but she has this other AMAZING side to her, where she's extremely warm, sweet, complimenting and affectionate (which you don't find that much in chicks anymore), YET, there's that selfish/me me me side of her, like a fucking Jekyll and Hyde.

[Danimal77]

Her telling you to f*ck your family is a weird way to show affection. Sounds like a very one dimensional chick to me.

Yeah, I agree. Still can't wrap my head around that. What's even more messed up is that last night she was all supportive and said, hey, if you need anything, let me know and then today she send me "the text" saying that it's been bugging her all day that I chose to spend the day with my sister and her kids over spending it with my girlfriend".

That's just on another level of irrational insanity right there 

[titusisback]

but she has this other AMAZING side to her, where she's extremely warm, sweet, complimenting and affectionate

Sounds like she`s going through motions doing that. Truly warm and affectionate person has the ability to feel someone else`s pain and feel empathy. Sounds like she doesn`t have that ability. And how is she exactly sweet and complimenting if all she tells you is `oh yeah` and pays no attention to you at all?

[SF1900]

I don't know why I feel bad/guilty. I keep thinking this is how she's always been and if I'm patient with her and TEACH her, she'll be able to kick her bad habit. She genuinely is a good/nice person, who can be super affectionate and sweet, but that other characteristic of hers is probably THE biggest turn off I can think of.

But that's the thing, its NOT your job to teach her. We dont enter into relationships hoping to "change" someone. Everyone has their faults and its a matter of working each others faults into both your lives. If you feel like she is too self-centered and that is a major turn off, then its not your job to try and change her, especially after you mentioned it to her numerous times. We all have to accept the shortcomings of others but sometimes its just too much, especially if it really strikes a nerve within us.

[Danimal77]

Sounds like she`s going through motions doing that. Truly warm and affectionate person has the ability to feel someone else`s pain and feel empathy. Sounds like she doesn`t have that ability. And how is she exactly sweet and complimenting if all she tells you is `oh yeah` and pays no attention to you at all?

How? I'll tell you. Texts like these: "You mean the world to me". "I love you soooooooo much". "I miss my baby". The night before my exam (went back to do a Master's degree) she flooded my text with good luck and you're going to do amazing. You're the best, etc..

The thing is, after my exam, we had plans to get together, but I was feeling like s h i.t and told her I was going to go home and sleep it off and she (like today) got pis.sed off and said, oh, so you're cancelling on me? I thought we had plans? I called her on her sh.it and she got better, but she pulled that cr.ap today.

[booty]

Her telling you to f*ck your family is a weird way to show affection. Sounds like a very one dimensional chick to me.

It's selfish and its very immature. 

[booty]

But that's the thing, its NOT your job to teach her. We dont enter into relationships hoping to "change" someone. Everyone has their faults and its a matter of working each others faults into both your lives. If you feel like she is too self-centered and that is a major turn off, then its not your job to try and change her, especially after you mentioned it to her numerous times. We all have to accept the shortcomings of others but sometimes its just too much, especially if it really strikes a nerve within us.

Great post!!!!

[titusisback]

How? I'll tell you. Texts like these: "You mean the world to me". "I love you soooooooo much". "I miss my baby". The night before my exam (went back to do a Master's degree) she flooded my text with good luck and you're going to do amazing. You're the best, etc..

Oh wow, she`s a keeper. End of thread.

[Danimal77]

But that's the thing, its NOT your job to teach her. We dont enter into relationships hoping to "change" someone. Everyone has their faults and its a matter of working each others faults into both your lives. If you feel like she is too self-centered and that is a major turn off, then its not your job to try and change her, especially after you mentioned it to her numerous times. We all have to accept the shortcomings of others but sometimes its just too much, especially if it really strikes a nerve within us.

I agree, but seriously tell me, how difficult is it to stop talking and listen to what the other person has to say, or stop talking and start thinking of questions to ask the other person and then listen to the answer and NOT immediately talk about ourselves? For arguments sake, say she likes me and this behavior of hers is ingrained into her and she's clearly not aware that she does this and naturally slips back into it, because it's all she's known. She now meets a guy who's pointing it out. She's now "becoming" aware. Who's to say that she won't become a better person in time, IF I'm patient?

That said, what she did today was just disgusting and I don't even want to address her, because I'm just so blown away and more importantly, if someone can't even recognize how wrong she was regarding my family, then there's nothing I can say to change that.

[240 is Back]

she issues nonstop compliments, cause that's what she wants.  She sends them 24/7 because she wants them 24/7.

in person, she wants to be repaid for all the sweet things she sent you, and she's insecure, so when she gets nervous, she does what makes her feel empowered - List her accomplishments, experiences, and pearls of wisdom.

It will never get easier... she's insecure, it's just how she's built.  If you live & die by self-praise like her, then yall will be a good match.  If you're happy just chilling on the couch drinking a glass of wine, enjoying a movie, then yall are probably not a good fit.