You're 19, so now is the time to chase your dreams. Spend the next 2 years saving as much money as you can & keep trying to make as many natural gains as you can. Save cash, lift, sleep. Repeat... When you are 21, move to Venice Beach, or Las Vegas, Hop on a boatload of drugs & see what happens. Give your self 10 years from that point to chase the dream. DON'T do Gay4Pay, sell drugs if you must to make ends meet. Give it your full commitment for the next 12 years, if it doesn't work out you can leave the sport with your head held high knowing you gave it your all.