Well, that's the disorder part of it, it is not logical.
Like an alcoholic would still go to a liquor store to buy his alcohol. He feels embarrassed, like all the people in there - lady behind the counter and other customers - know he's an alcoholic, but the need for alcohol is too great to resist. If he shops at different stores everyday, maybe they all think he only buys one bottle per week, instead of one per day. He's fooling himself, and deep down he knows. But that wont stop him from buying or drinking any alcohol. The power of alcohol is too great.
You can translate this for people with binge eating disorders, but with bad food (= high in calories, sugar, salt and fat). Binging on zucchini's or broccoli is not common...
I have no problem stocking up toilet paper, detergents, chicken breasts or carrots, and never had problems with those kind of items. But buying just one little piece of chocolate is still embarrassing. Let alone buying it in bulk when on sale. In my mind I'm still the 215 lbs hippowhale. So if I have that chocolate in my cart, it feels like people judge me for my bad food choices and being severly overweight. Like it is tattooed on my forehead that I am stocking up for a binge...
Still, I will buy it, because I feel an urge for it. And the more I deny the urge, the bigger the binge will get...
Interesting....
I can understand carrying a picture of yourself in your mind. It can work in reverse too.
I have on occasion caught a glimpse off myself in a mirror and jumped, absolutely startled at the person staring back at me. She looked nothing like me, ...then I realized, yes, that is my reflection staring back at me.
Do you still weigh 215lbs? If not, then my suggestion to you is to get yourself a full length mirror, and stare at yourself naked EVERY DAY!!! Get a more realistic body image of yourself. Just because you have slimmed down to a more healthy weight, doesn't mean you're healthy. The weight is still weighing you down if you're still carrying it mentally. Lose the weight both physically AND mentally, ...and enjoy your food, ...buying it and eating it. Good Luck to You
