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Author Topic: She died  (Read 20878 times)
xxxLinda
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« on: May 06, 2014, 09:51:50 AM »

My mother has bad horrid terminal cancer, please help me through this?  

She has signed all the forms saying DNR do not rescusitate, do not blah.  She does not want to have the operation.



if you have any thoughts on how I might attempt to cope, please post
xL  I'm okay about this I think, obviously she's old, but I honestly have no idea how to feel about it.

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Princess L
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« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2014, 11:52:40 AM »

My mother has bad horrid terminal cancer, please help me through this?  

She has signed all the forms saying DNR do not rescusitate, do not blah.  She does not want to have the operation.



if you have any thoughts on how I might attempt to cope, please post
xL  I'm okay about this I think, obviously she's old, but I honestly have no idea how to feel about it.



I'm not sure what to say at the moment Linda.  My mother is having  surgery today for a brain aneurysm.
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SamoanIrishman
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« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2014, 12:57:27 PM »

wow, prayers out to you both. My condolences Linda. Be there for her, she's made her choice now reflect on the good times you all had and be strong for a bit longer so she can go with her dignity. We will all be her after to help you out if you need to talk though shit.
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Wez
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« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2014, 01:08:30 PM »

I recently went through the same thing with my Father. He refused all treatment. He decided it wasn't worth it. We have to respect that. Hopefully she lived a good life. It's tough but it is our turn now. I hope you can find some solace in this...Ken
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Bertha Butt
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« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2014, 12:46:58 AM »

Sorry to hear this, Linda! Wish you strength and wisdom to deal with it.

@ Princess L: I wish for the best for you and your mom!
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xxxLinda
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« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2014, 05:59:26 AM »

Shall we all post the results of our parents' demise?  Please tell us of your Mum PL?  Tell us now, it'll help...

I've had the Cancer Nurse (MacMillan Marie Curie Cancer Care Charity) call me and got through that conversation sort of.


Mumsy has all of a sudden gotten all sweet and funny and nice (at least she doesn't have dementia)... She is totally in the moment and as lucid as all get out.  I realise I must not talk to her of myself unless it's a short story and only positive.  What I must do is listen to all the end results (sorry, it's bowel cancer) and all the "what the doctor said" stuff.  I must just be at the end of the phone for her.  I must listen to what she needs to say.  In fact she's developing a mad sense of humour, she's helping me cope.

We only live 200 miles away from each other but she's still won't let me come up to visit her.  She says she must "put her affairs in order" first.  She's not that sick yet, only just had the diagnosis.


Me dad died ten years ago (of bowel cancer) and I've still not grieved properly about that.  He died in Vancouver and I was in London, I simply wasn't there and it happened fast.



So then I start stressing about myself?  As you do....  
Oh waaa two parents with bowel cancer?  Gotta find out about that.  Do I eat right?  Do I?  I've never had any problems in that department.  So: no more red meat?  Don't want to google it, it scares me shitless.....  

xxxLinda

thanks so much for all your kind words.  No doubt this thread will get trolled and I'll get mad male posters saying that they wish I'd die, but we'll deal with that and carry on...
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Princess L
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« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2014, 03:51:43 PM »

My mother has bad horrid terminal cancer, please help me through this?  

She has signed all the forms saying DNR do not rescusitate, do not blah.  She does not want to have the operation.



if you have any thoughts on how I might attempt to cope, please post
xL  I'm okay about this I think, obviously she's old, but I honestly have no idea how to feel about it.

What kind of cancer?  Does she have someone going with her to her appointments?  Not sure you can trust her to tell you EVERYTHING either knowingly or unknowingly.  Personally, I'd make the 200 mile drive to be with her, especially when she has appts with the oncologist.  It's Mother's Day on Sunday here in the US.  Is that celebrated over there?  Even if it's not, you could still go up for the day and tell her it's a new Linda Holiday.

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« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2014, 01:34:15 PM »

Do everything you can to be a good daughter to her, even if she seems to not welcome it. She will appreciate it, and you'll be glad you did so.
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« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2014, 03:56:39 PM »

Wow Linda,

So sorry to hear that. All I can say is just be there for her, in whatever way she needs you to be there,
...and if it's from a distance, ...as tough as it may be honour those wishes. Make it all about her.

@ Princess L, I hope everything went well with your Mom's surgery.

I'll keep you both in my thoughts & prayers.
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xxxLinda
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« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2014, 02:44:25 PM »

Ya PL how's your Mum?

They do this funny thing here (and I used to live in America aka Canada).  It's the only day which is different between UK and the rest, Father's Day is the same but Mother's Day is different.  In UK it's in March, over where you are it's May.  I used to live in Canada after my parents moved back to England and I missed Mother's Day by a few weeks for a few years.  Very difficult to keep up with.  It really bothered my English Mum.  Guess she didn't know either and simply assumed I was errant.  I then learned to buy a card in May in order to send it to England for March.  Then I just started making silly mad ones with glitter.  Madness.  I don't think she'll ever forgive me for being in the wrong country at the wrong time...  And she's forever telling me how much it hurt when she gave birth to me...

PL tell us of your Mums prognosis?


I think I've talked my mum into having the surgery.  The major surgery.  I want her to live if she can.  If she has to have the fullon op she has agreed she will do it if I am there.  She's just told me she's had the minor one without telling me and they took out polyps or something.  She says she's okay now.  I knew she'd cope with a bit of an op.



I'm feeling a bit better now and so is she.


Happy Scorpio Full Moon
xL





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xxxLinda
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« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2014, 04:19:04 PM »

My mum died last weekend aged 82

xL


noone can help me through this


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Primemuscle
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« Reply #11 on: July 28, 2014, 08:34:26 PM »

My mother has bad horrid terminal cancer, please help me through this?  

She has signed all the forms saying DNR do not rescusitate, do not blah.  She does not want to have the operation.



if you have any thoughts on how I might attempt to cope, please post
xL  I'm okay about this I think, obviously she's old, but I honestly have no idea how to feel about it.



The best thing you can do for your mom and for you is to support her decision.
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Princess L
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« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2014, 05:03:41 PM »

I'm sorry for your loss.  Hopefully, the memories of your mother help you find comfort.
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Primemuscle
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« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2014, 05:29:07 PM »

My mum died last weekend aged 82

xL


noone can help me through this




Your mom lived a long life. Keep her in your thoughts and take time to grieve. These are ways you can help yourself through this.
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« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2014, 11:13:35 AM »

Sorry for your loss Linda.  Cry
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Laura Lee
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« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2014, 03:19:52 PM »

My mum died last weekend aged 82

xL


noone can help me through this



Linda, I'm sorry to hear this.  I know how you feel, as I am sure many do.  I lost both my parents over the last several years from cancer.   I know it's hard.  Just try to remember all the happier times.  That will get you through.

Hugs and prayers...

Laura Lee
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