only atheists are allowed to post in this thread.

[SF1900]

How the Assbunny lead to the Deus Absconditus (or, the God who hides)

Taking a moment to survey his wondrous feats of creation, on the sixth day, God made the Assbunny, and, after taking notice of His creature, He decided to hide from this world, instead turning his omnipotence to actualizing other possible worlds, of which this one, because it includes the abominable Assbunny, is not the best. Hence, the Lord did not rest on the seventh day, he skipped out of town on what became known henceforth as The Ssabbass. And that is how the Assbunny lead irrevocably to the Deus Absconditus (Apocrypha:2.i:Versio Tbombzius).

lol. Legendary post!!

[Necrosis]

77 things banned in Leviticus

Here’s chapter and verse on a more-or-less comprehensive list of things banned in the Leviticus book of the bible. A decent number of them are punishable by death.

Unless you’ve never done any of them (and 54 to 56 are particularly tricky), perhaps it’s time to lay off quoting 18:22 for a while?

1.       Burning any yeast or honey in offerings to God (2:11)

2.       Failing to include salt in offerings to God (2:13)

3.       Eating fat (3:17)

4.       Eating blood (3:17)

5.       Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve witnessed (5:1)

6.       Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve been told about (5:1)

7.       Touching an unclean animal (5:2)

8.       Carelessly making an oath (5:4)

9.       Deceiving a neighbour about something trusted to them (6:2)

10.   Finding lost property and lying about it (6:3)

11.   Bringing unauthorised fire before God (10:1)

12.   Letting your hair become unkempt (10:6)

13.   Tearing your clothes (10:6)

14.   Drinking alcohol in holy places (bit of a problem for Catholics, this ‘un) (10:9)

15.   Eating an animal which doesn’t both chew cud and has a divided hoof (cf: camel, rabbit, pig) (11:4-7)

16.   Touching the carcass of any of the above (problems here for rugby) (11:

17.   Eating – or touching the carcass of – any seafood without fins or scales (11:10-12)

18.   Eating – or touching the carcass of - eagle, the vulture, the black vulture, the red kite, any kind of black kite, any kind of raven, the horned owl, the screech owl, the gull, any kind of hawk, the little owl, the cormorant, the great owl, the white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, the stork, any kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat. (11:13-19)

19.   Eating – or touching the carcass of – flying insects with four legs, unless those legs are jointed (11:20-22)

20.   Eating any animal which walks on all four and has paws (good news for cats) (11:27)

21.   Eating – or touching the carcass of – the weasel, the rat, any kind of great lizard, the gecko, the monitor lizard, the wall lizard, the skink and the chameleon (11:29)

22.   Eating – or touching the carcass of – any creature which crawls on many legs, or its belly (11:41-42)

23.   Going to church within 33 days after giving birth to a boy (12:4)

24.   Going to church within 66 days after giving birth to a girl (12:5)

25.   Having sex with your mother (18:7)

26.   Having sex with your father’s wife (18:

27.   Having sex with your sister (18:9)

28.   Having sex with your granddaughter (18:10)

29.   Having sex with your half-sister (18:11)

30.   Having sex with your biological aunt (18:12-13)

31.   Having sex with your uncle’s wife (18:14)

32.   Having sex with your daughter-in-law (18:15)

33.   Having sex with your sister-in-law (18:16)

34.   Having sex with a woman and also having sex with her daughter or granddaughter (bad news for Alan Clark) (18:17)

35.   Marrying your wife’s sister while your wife still lives (18:18)

36.   Having sex with a woman during her period (18:19)

37.   Having sex with your neighbour’s wife (18:20)

38.   Giving your children to be sacrificed to Molek (18:21)

39.   Having sex with a man “as one does with a woman” (18:22)

40.   Having sex with an animal (18:23)

41.   Making idols or “metal gods” (19:4)

42.   Reaping to the very edges of a field (19:9)

43.   Picking up grapes that have fallen in your  vineyard (19:10)

44.   Stealing (19:11)

45.   Lying (19:11)

46.   Swearing falsely on God’s name (19:12)

47.   Defrauding your neighbour (19:13)

48.   Holding back the wages of an employee overnight (not well observed these days) (19:13)

49.   Cursing the deaf or abusing the blind (19:14)

50.   Perverting justice, showing partiality to either the poor or the rich (19:15)

51.   Spreading slander (19:16)

52.   Doing anything to endanger a neighbour’s life (19:16)

53.   Seeking revenge or bearing a grudge (19:18)

54.   Mixing fabrics in clothing (19:19)

55.   Cross-breeding animals (19:19)

56.   Planting different seeds in the same field (19:19)

57.   Sleeping with another man’s slave (19:20)

58.   Eating fruit from a tree within four years of planting it (19:23)

59.   Practising divination or seeking omens (tut, tut astrology) (19:26)

60.   Trimming your beard (19:27)

61.   Cutting your hair at the sides (19:27)

62.   Getting tattoos (19:28)

63.   Making your daughter prostitute herself (19:29)

64.   Turning to mediums or spiritualists (19:31)

65.   Not standing in the presence of the elderly (19:32)

66.   Mistreating foreigners – “the foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born”  (19:33-34)

67.   Using dishonest weights and scales (19:35-36)

68.   Cursing your father or mother (punishable by death) (20:9)

69.   Marrying a prostitute, divorcee or widow if you are a priest (21:7,13)

70.   Entering a place where there’s a dead body as a priest (21:11)

71.   Slaughtering a cow/sheep and its young on the same day (22:28)

72.   Working on the Sabbath (23:3)

73.   Blasphemy (punishable by stoning to death) (24:14)

74.   Inflicting an injury; killing someone else’s animal; killing a person must be punished in kind (24:17-22)

75.   Selling land permanently (25:23)

76.   Selling an Israelite as a slave (foreigners are fine) (25:42)

77.   Dressing up like an "Ass Bunny". (18:22 B)

LMAO, might as well put that in, the rest are equally funny.

This shit is to funny, the creator makes galaxies then writes a disjointed list of bullshit.

[Primemuscle]

LMAO, might as well put that in, the rest are equally funny.

This shit is to funny, the creator makes galaxies then writes a disjointed list of bullshit.

Your addition is funny....probably to everyone but Tbombz. Who could have guessed Taylor would be immortalized as the dude who dressed up like an "Ass Bunny".

Just to clarify, Leviticus was not the Creator of anything but words of hate. No God that I  believe in would write the things he did. This was very unchristian of Leviticus. 

[Primemuscle]

tbombz posted the "ass bunny" picture himself on Facebook. So he wanted the world to see it.

He was a crazy and confused kid; now he's a crazy adult. The only thing different is the subject of his craziness.

Many people post things on Facebook and other social media only to regret it later....Anthony Wiener for example. I've posted photos here that make me cringe when I see them....what was I thinking? We all do stupid things in our lives.

[The Abdominal Snoman]

The Dream of the Assbunny

One peaceful summer night, Schlong Tzu went to sleep and dreamed he was Tbombz in the form of a hopping, horny, devil-may-care Assbunny. Oh, what gay sex he had! Offering his furry bung to men with bad credit ratings, lapsed car inspections, and 50,000 miles of road on their faces; the smell of stale beer, cum, and puke wafting over him. "This is bliss," he reflected. Suddenly, however, he was startled awake: groggy,  butt sore, and with a strong craving for the cock, "How strange?’' he thought to himself, not being able to distinguish whether Schlong Tzu had dreamt he was the Assbunny or if the Assbunny had dreamt he was Schlong Tzu.

Lmfao

[Kahn.N.Singh]

I've posted photos here that make me cringe when I see them....what was I thinking?

Prime, I'm no mind reader, but some of your posts augur the idea that maybe you were hoping to lasso an excitable bronco to buck around your old dirt road?

[Primemuscle]

Prime, I'm no mind reader, but some of your posts augur the idea that maybe you were hoping to lasso an excitable bronco to buck around your old dirt road?

Cute, but no. Anyway, the road I live on is paved in gold. 

The photo(s) to which I referred were photos that I posted of myself and later regretted.    

[Hypertrophy]

Prime, I'm no mind reader, but some of your posts augur the idea that maybe you were hoping to lasso an excitable bronco to buck around your old dirt road?

Kahn - you deserve a Pulitzer for some of the stuff you write on here- Pure Gold, lol

[Kahn.N.Singh]

Cute, but no. Anyway, the road I live on is paved in gold. 

The photo(s) to which I referred were photos that I posted of myself and later regretted.    

With all due respect, Prime, by your own admission, you do not know what you were thinking. So, your response, while appreciated, cannot be right, lest you contradict your initial assertion. My guess, while admittedly only a guess (hence the question mark) remains plausible, if not entirely correct. Although neither you nor I know for sure.

See, more than cute.

[Kahn.N.Singh]

Kahn - you deserve a Pulitzer for some of the stuff you write on here- Pure Gold, lol

Thank you! I'm just messing around.

[NelsonMuntz]

Tbombz quote about analsex:

For me, it always hurts right when it goes in. Does not feel pleasant at all. Sort of a deep stinging sensation.

However, leave the cock in your ass, very shortly the pain goes away entirely. Once the pain leaves, then your partner can start to pump your ass. It feels like a great deep tissue massage, only its inside your ass.     for me it feels real good when it goes real deep.. like there is some kind of pleasure sensor at the bottom of my ass that emits the tingles when ever a cock comes close to hitting it.

IT feels about the same whether your on your back or on your stomach, however there are some differences. on your back you can see your partner, which could be good or bad (attractive or unattractive?).

On your stomach its more relaxing and you can just bite a pillow and let the good times roll.  

Any other questions just shoot

Hahaha my new quote

[HonestBob]

Kahn - you deserve a Pulitzer for some of the stuff you write on here- Pure Gold, lol

Exactly what I was thinking.

Wonderful use of "augur"!

Makes me wonder what this guy does for a living.

[drkaje]

I'm happy for anyone who manages to turn their life around but the need to proselytize shows they just shows they're tying to find a different way to deal with being fucked-up.

[Man of Steel]

I'm happy for anyone who manages to turn their life around but the need to proselytize shows they just shows they're tying to find a different way to deal with being fucked-up.

Thank God for those that love others enough to share Jesus!  To tell others I was foul, I was a wretch, I was steeped in sin and Jesus changed me and wants to free you too!  Glorious message of love and hope!

[BigRo]

Thank God for those that love others enough to share Jesus!  To tell others I was foul, I was a wretch, I was steeped in sin and Jesus changed me and wants to free you too!  Glorious message of love and hope!

was it the vigorous masturbation to porn that makes you feel you were a foul wretch steeped in sin? Or is there more to it?

[Man of Steel]

was it the vigorous masturbation to porn that makes you feel you were a foul wretch steeped in sin? Or is there more to it?

That was just a part...Christ changed me completely and forgave and forgot all my past sins!

[BigRo]

thats the only part we know about.

[Man of Steel]

thats the only part we know about.

I've listed all sorts of sins I committed,  but praise God I'm changed....the old man is gone!  I walk with a clear conscience and a heart for Christ.   It's awesome!

[calfzilla]

Christians aren't allowed to rub one out 

[BigRo]

I've listed all sorts of sins I committed,  but praise God I'm changed....the old man is gone!  I walk with a clear conscience and a heart for Christ.   It's awesome!

Hallelujah praise the Lord and the Glory!  

[Primemuscle]

Christians aren't allowed to rub one out 

Just some Christians, not all.

[Primemuscle]

Hallelujah praise the Lord and the Glory!  

Hallelujah is a great song.

[BigRo]

Hallelujah is a great song.

Indeed.

[Primemuscle]

Here is Jeff Buckley performing Hallelujah....considered to be one of the best if not the very best renditions.

[Man of Steel]

Hallelujah praise the Lord and the Glory! 

EXACTLY!   Glory to God!