This just in:
A manuscript from a typical therapy session with Derek Anthony:
Derek: Does drinking come make me gay?
Therapist: Well Derek it depends... do you chug it or sip on it real slow?
Derek: Never mind, let's just talk about my childhood for now. My dad used to touch me funny.
Therapist: Go on Derek, it's best to get these things off of your chest.
Derek: Well ok, here goes... you see the thing of it is I kind of miss it.
Therapist: You miss your father? That's natural Derek.
Derek: Well no, I meant I miss the touching.
Therapist: Gee, you really are a sick f.u.c.k. Derek!
Derek: Well ok, just as long as I'm not gay!