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When you wake up dying to take a dump

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Army of One: Woke up at 3AM once felt the gurggles in my stomach telling me I needed to get out of bed and go now Sat on the can expecting a torrent. Nothing. I couldn't even feel anything move at all. Then another round of painful cramps and such. I squeeze and the bottom part isn't fucking budging at all. I finally realize that although it might be molten liquid shit on the top floor, the exit is completely compacted and blocked off. At this point I have no idea what to do. I am now screaming in pain with every round of cramps and upper bowel movement. I even considered getting some kind of thin device and cramming it in there to break up the stubborn poop party in the lower deck. After about the 7th round, I feel a slight shift on the bottom. I know you aren't supposed to squeeze but fuck all that nonsense, I was in agony. I am squeezing with all of my might, veins bulging out of my neck and forehead. I know that if this doesn't happen soon, I'm going to pull an Elvis and be found on the can with my eyes rolled into the back of my brain. Finally a fist-sized piece of shit that was holding up the whole show, shoots out of my ass like Lucifer's Hammer en route to wipe out a whole civilization of Philistines. Immediately after that, is a liquid poo firehose that had so much PSI I'm pretty sure I actually lifted off of the shitter by a few inches. Any harder and I would have been knocked out by hitting my head on the ceiling.

chaos: TL:DR:FY

R.A.M.:

Army of One: --- Quote from: chaos on March 11, 2016, 11:55:04 AM ---TL:DR:FY --- End quote --- Cliffs: Cankles --- Quote from: R.A.M. on March 11, 2016, 11:57:21 AM --- --- End quote --- Fixed

Taffin: Anyone ever hear of the '3x3' rule?   More often than 3 movements a day is too fast - less than 3 times a week, too slow... And we're aiming for 3 or 4 on the chart - stay healthy Getbig!

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