And today, after a relatively restful Sunday, I feel even better! Finally starting to understand the meaning of "recovery"...
This level of self-absorption is extremely unhealthy as evidenced by the mad rantings of the OP.
Maybe. But could it be the other way around? Maybe self-absorbtion is the the result of sickness, not a cause.
Doesn't everyone have struggles? "See a doctor". Isn't it possible that most professionals actually can't help? That the people who truly can help are those who didn't stop their "inner journey" until they went further than anyone else and -- found a "solution"?
Yeah, maybe I just haven't visited the right doctor, therapist, or professional yet. But I have tried -- and what if such a person doesn't even exist?
In the beginning, whom do the doctors learn from, anyway? Isn't it the sick?
^
This. In all seriousness. You getting any action at the moment Ceph?
Working on it, but I've given this a lot of thought over the past few years. My whole life, I was very wary of getting into a relationship, getting married, and ultimately having a family.
I always felt I had to justify my existence BEFORE I thought about all that stuff. Using another person to create a family, thereby providing my "purpose" in life... I've always felt this to be an extreme danger. I never wanted to end up like most people I see, whose motivation seems to stem entire from their family, and whose value to others utterly ends with their immediate relatives.
On the other hand, when I think of all the people I admire, their family usually seems like an afterthought. Maybe that's a misconception, but I always see their work in the foreground, not their family, wife, or girlfriend.
From my perspective, most people seem sick, clinging to life through family. But in the end... how often does it work out? If your existence isn't worth perpetuating except in the service of your children -- what will their fate be? Most likely, won't they just degenerate further under your guidance? Maybe they'll turn out well, but the odds don't seem favorable.
To be healthy enough to thrive and succeed in the world on your own: this seems like the best precondition for reproducing. Ironically, such individuals seem least likely to actually do so. Aren't we always talking about the declining birth rates of first world nations, and the flourishing of... you know...
Anyway, I have to admit I might be wrong. And for the first time, I'm starting to get the courage to think differently. To think, maybe you're right...
This is worth a shot. ^
it will make your piss look strange but it's worth a shot.
Stopped taking my B vitamins for a while, but was still eating a lot of fortified foods. Just bought some more yesterday.
A Portrait of the Lifter as a Young Man (very James Joyce-y)
As usual, a very articulate, incisive, and self-reflective post.
Happy to see that you're on an upswing, Ceph!
Thanks Kahn! Funny enough, I always stopped about a hundred pages into the portrait... every time I felt I wasn't somehow "ready" to finish it. That I still had to overcome some challenge first... but what? Something I hadn't grappled with yet.
Someday...
Didn't read but you were likely stupid to begin with.
Strong possibility. Alas, possibly too stupid to ever know the difference... now that's a conundrum
cephissus, I read a little of your post and you sound depressed.
But for fuck sake, see a doctor. Getbig is not the right place to get help with such symptoms.
If you read more, you'd probably see I'm not looking for help. I actually hope I can help others who might have gone through some of the same things.