you could have been like dog the bounty hunter lol
Funny you should mention that...
In prison there was a fella named Doug, whom I didn't like very much... dude would whine. Not just complain, but actually whine like a girl. Reminded me of babysitting my nieces (well, not really "babysitting" since they were like 7 or 8... more like watching them and making sure they didn't burn the fucking house down. anyways...) and they didn't care for whatever food I cooked for them, or having to clean their room, or what color the sky was, or whatever the fuck happened to come to mind. So instead I'm just telling him to pack his shit and get the fuck out of my aisle (barracks-type housing at that prison), or beat him up/have him beaten-up...
(* closest I actually did come to beating his ass was during d 2008 Olympics and he made a comment about me "loving to watch the knee-grow-er bitches" while I was watching the Jamaican girls and they're spectacular asses and quads run the 100m. Him being a skinny-fat meth addict, quickly realized he had said the wrong thing to the wrong guy and looked like a deer in headlights, and was quick to make a thorough apology LoL. again, anyways.....)
... I chose to fuck with him and emasculate him on a semi-daily basis with dumb shit but was funny because he couldn't do anything about it. One of the things that you're tainted the hell out of them was tell him (in front of as many people as possible) that I had the blueprint for his success upon release. His parole plan would be to star in a hit TV show (that I would produce, of course) called "Doug the Booty Hunter". The premise of the show involved Doug searching out gay guys for sex in places like public restrooms at the park & beach, truck stops, and this newfangled thing at the time called "Craigslist". Apparently this dude "Craig" had a list of places Doug could hunt some booty ( well, the premise of the show what change every so often however it always involved Doug doing gay shit.. At first it was funny for everybody but after oh about 3 weeks or so maybe a month it was no longer funny for him but it was extra funny for everybody else to see him have to sit there and take it lol (much like Shiz-mo here).
Another favorite of mine was introducing Doug to "new" inmates. Younger dudes, oh, 'bout 18-20 years old or so, whom he had already met and been hanging out with and shit for a week or so. To introduce dog to these younger guys I thought it was more sincere if I would sing a song, and as luck would have it, despite my I typically baritone voice I was able to sing "Waiting for a Girl Like You" by Foreigner, in damn near the correct pitch and key. Now, having had pretty good success with simply substituting words of existing, well-known shit, is young men quickly learned that Doug had been waiting for a boy like them to come into his life, and just when they (& he) thought that was the only line of the song I would sing, I would keep it going and going. Just like how he was amuse less and less the more he heard it it amused us more and more. Haha.....
/storytime w/ESFitness. Brought to you by Nelson's "Booty Hunter" comment that jog my memory. Prison is fun. 😀
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