Our very own Dr Chimps is a real doctor
Doctor Chimps is an eminent medical researcher with expertise in cerebrovascular trauma. In his latest published article, now numbering over 100, he adds to the literature by identifying not two, but three kinds of strokes: the ischemo, the hemorrhago, and the Marino. The Marino is not that well known, and so awareness of this crippling medical emergency has taken to social media for wider exposure. The onset of a Marino is described by Chimps as a mix between blood flow being radically decreased and being radically increased in throbbing waves, which produces the kinds of quizzical looks Marino faces are known for: e.g., intermittent starring into space and struggling mightily for verbal expression of a fourth-grade level vocabulary; it's much like the symptoms of a petit mal seizure, only with lagging calves.