She lives in the burbs and her husband works in the city. You cannot sugarcoat how bad San Francisco has become. Parts of it are almost like a Third World country. I would tell you to believe what you see, but I doubt you have actually looked. It's really that bad.
You are correct. It has been three decades since I've even driven through San Francisco. I don't recall if I ever stayed there overnight although my wife and I visited friends who had a townhouse in San Jose sometime in the early 80's. Their place was nice, but they were not in love with the area having moved there from Portland. So, I cannot believe what I have not seen in person nor do I have any reason to sugarcoat the city, which would be difficult for me to do since I do not like big cities and have never liked them.
My wife and I moved to Portland from West Hollywood, in L.A to Portland in 1965 for among other reasons we did not like what living in L.A. had become. If I could afford to live anywhere in California today, I might consider Carmel-by-the-Sea which has a population of around 3,000. When wife and I visited our son in the early 2000's who was stationed in Monterey we drove down to Carmel, that was the last time I was there.
I take it that even though you do not live in San Francisco, you have reason to go there today and therefore you know firsthand something of what it is like to visit there. What is not clear is why the living conditions in San Francisco are so important to you.
Most Get Big folks know I live in West Linn, OR. It is an upscale suburb of Portland with a population of under 27,000, 85% of which is White. Chaos enjoys chiding me for living in a ‘gated community’ (which I do not). West Linn is known for its excellent school district. We pay for our own city police department. Crime here is almost non-existent. West Linn is considered one of the safest places to live in the U.S. The median home price this year is just under $800,000. The median household income is $135,000. I can afford to live where I do. Most people cannot.
Since I am not a resident of California, I have no say in how the state, county and cities are governed. Which is how it should be. I do not spend time thinking, much less worrying about conditions in San Francisco. However, I sympathize with folks who for one reason or another are stuck there.