Well, there we were, getting ready for Princess Peaches birthday party. You see, i never had a problem with Mario, but the guy is one weird fucker. Always drunk or high, even back in Donkey Kong. He was constantly getting mad at me. "Don't throw these fucking barrels at me!" "Throw them slower!!" and shit like this. You know, I told him to shut up, said this was the only decent job i got in years. I have a family to feed. They tell me to throw barrels at some gay italian pizza guy, this is like a dream to me.
So anyways, Mario is drunk already, even when he arrives at my house. Tells me shit his car is wrecked because he drove over a turtle shell. Yeah right! Who is he trying to kid?
We leave half an hour to late and get over to pick up Toadstool. Now when Mario is high, i have to pay attention he doesn't bite a piece off of Toadstool. The poor guy was scared as shit. "I'll make you a magic mushroom pizza", Mario went on until i made him shut the hell up. The guy is desperate. Nintendo checked him into Betty Ford a few times, but all he does is fuck around.
Well, on with the story. so finally we arrive at Princess Peaches castle, and everything is fine there. Every one is happy and dancing, the food is great and Princess Peach and Luigi look at each other as if it was their first day together.
We play some funny games, when nobody is looking, Mario slides some turtle shell over the ground and knocks other guest down, at what everybody laughs.
Somebody proposes i should climb up to the empore and throw barrels at Mario, and in a wink Mario goes berserk.
I'm talkin M E L T D O W N here.
He jumps around on peoples heads, screams around and throws fire balls. Everybody is like: What the hell is up with him?" and there seems no way to stop him. Princess Peach starts to cry, and Toadstool runs away, the little bitch. Mario still runs around screaming and yelling. "Why does everybody want barrels thrown at me? What is this about, yuo hate me all!!"
So i think, i cannot let this pathetic tool ruin the party and just knocked him out flat with one of the barrels. The party went on and everybody was happy, but the next day i'm in BIG trouble. Mario wants to get me fired. It was only because of Princess Peaches intervening that i could stay with Nintendo. I already saw myself running down a hill chasing a hedgehog.
