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Author Topic: When you wake up dying to take a dump  (Read 8848 times)
Army of One
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« on: March 11, 2016, 12:38:51 PM »

Woke up at 3AM once felt the gurggles in my stomach telling me I needed to get out of bed and go now

Sat on the can expecting a torrent. Nothing. I couldn't even feel anything move at all. Then another round of painful cramps and such. I squeeze and the bottom part isn't fucking budging at all.

I finally realize that although it might be molten liquid shit on the top floor, the exit is completely compacted and blocked off. At this point I have no idea what to do. I am now screaming in pain with every round of cramps and upper bowel movement. I even considered getting some kind of thin device and cramming it in there to break up the stubborn poop party in the lower deck.

After about the 7th round, I feel a slight shift on the bottom. I know you aren't supposed to squeeze but fuck all that nonsense, I was in agony. I am squeezing with all of my might, veins bulging out of my neck and forehead. I know that if this doesn't happen soon, I'm going to pull an Elvis and be found on the can with my eyes rolled into the back of my brain.

Finally a fist-sized piece of shit that was holding up the whole show, shoots out of my ass like Lucifer's Hammer en route to wipe out a whole civilization of Philistines. Immediately after that, is a liquid poo firehose that had so much PSI I'm pretty sure I actually lifted off of the shitter by a few inches. Any harder and I would have been knocked out by hitting my head on the ceiling.
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chaos
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Ron "There is no freedom of speech here" Avidan


« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2016, 12:55:04 PM »

TL:DR:FY
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Liar!!!!Filt!!!!
R.A.M.
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BOOM


« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2016, 12:57:21 PM »

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Army of One
Getbig V
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« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2016, 12:58:45 PM »

TL:DR:FY

Cliffs:
Cankles


Fixed
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Taffin
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Taffin: Alright I'll help. On one condition...


« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2016, 01:11:28 PM »

Anyone ever hear of the '3x3' rule?   More often than 3 movements a day is too fast - less than 3 times a week, too slow...

And we're aiming for 3 or 4 on the chart - stay healthy Getbig!


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Twaddle
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« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2016, 01:19:58 PM »

This is a great story.  Thanks for sharing.  I mean that.   Cheesy
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mr.turbo
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Team Freedom


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« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2016, 01:50:40 PM »

another shitty thread
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"
Hulkotron
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6'6" and above white wizard for paths to the truth


« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2016, 02:59:18 PM »

TL:DR:FY
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Fortress
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« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2016, 03:45:50 PM »

The heart warms.
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calfzilla
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RIP Radical Plato


« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2016, 03:52:01 PM »

Next time have your boyfriend go easier on your ass so you don't have these problems in the future.
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Man of Steel
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Isaiah40:28-31 ✝ Romans10:9 ✝ 1Peter3:15


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« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2016, 04:01:18 PM »

I'm really proud of you!
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Chidoman
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Me Like'em All!!


« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2016, 06:20:06 PM »

Wow, Very heart warming story, a Hallmark moment indeed! Grin
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evandatp
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Haunted4Pay


« Reply #12 on: March 11, 2016, 06:41:55 PM »

Someone left your buttplug in overnight and thought the good people of getbig had to know?

Leave the passive-aggressive messages to your boyfriend on your fridge next time.
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Nether Animal
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Team Mower Forever


« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2016, 06:42:57 PM »

That's not Lee Priest...
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Hack Benchers
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« Reply #14 on: September 11, 2016, 12:01:20 AM »

Woke up at 3AM once felt the gurggles in my stomach telling me I needed to get out of bed and go now

Sat on the can expecting a torrent. Nothing. I couldn't even feel anything move at all. Then another round of painful cramps and such. I squeeze and the bottom part isn't fucking budging at all.

I finally realize that although it might be molten liquid shit on the top floor, the exit is completely compacted and blocked off. At this point I have no idea what to do. I am now screaming in pain with every round of cramps and upper bowel movement. I even considered getting some kind of thin device and cramming it in there to break up the stubborn poop party in the lower deck.

After about the 7th round, I feel a slight shift on the bottom. I know you aren't supposed to squeeze but fuck all that nonsense, I was in agony. I am squeezing with all of my might, veins bulging out of my neck and forehead. I know that if this doesn't happen soon, I'm going to pull an Elvis and be found on the can with my eyes rolled into the back of my brain.

Finally a fist-sized piece of shit that was holding up the whole show, shoots out of my ass like Lucifer's Hammer en route to wipe out a whole civilization of Philistines. Immediately after that, is a liquid poo firehose that had so much PSI I'm pretty sure I actually lifted off of the shitter by a few inches. Any harder and I would have been knocked out by hitting my head on the ceiling.
You allright?

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Deadpool
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« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2016, 08:52:24 AM »

beautifully written.  I hope things are running smoothly for you now.
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