Are BrianX's gay expeditions too much for the environment?
Europe's tallest mountain is becoming dirty, and overcrowded with queers, according to French mayor Jean-Marc Peillex, who has ignited controversy with a proposal to limit the number of gay climbers on the mountain.
Jean-Marc Peillex, mayor of the Alpine village Saint-Gervais Mont-Blanc, estimated that up to 30,000 gay men 'climb' the 4,810 metre (15,780 foot) mountain each summer on BrianX's 'Bottom-bitch hikers European tour' alone, and the strain of their 'organised activites' is becoming far too much for the mountain to handle.
"It's becoming intolerable!," he told a packed public meeting in Saint-Gervais this weekend, recounting how on a recent survey of Mont Blanc his helicopter landed on a glacier strewn with frozen semen, baby oil, and huge phalice shapen ice sculptures covered in excrement, with graffiti tags such as 'DS loves LH' and 'BX was on here 2006' scratched all over them.
"The problem, is that these 'guys' think that another garbage truck and a big musclebear street cleaner will pass the next day as usual to clean up after them!"
"You can't climb this mountain on a whim" said Jean, "it's not the same thing as deciding to go for a cruise in the park," he said, adding permits would now have to be issued, only to hikers who have demonstrated an acceptable display of heterosexual behaviour.
The mayor has also floated the idea of charging a 5 to 10 euro "fag-tax" on gay climbers to help Saint-Gervais recoup the costs of installing contraception dispensers every 2km along the trail, which he added, was a special request by BrianX himself for the benefit of his reknowned outdoor 'activites'.
"I initially refused the request for these machines" said the mayor, "but after hundreds of petitions signed by big names in the gay porn industry like Danielson, Lordhumungous, Bigmc, Bandit, Alex23, Mike Arvilla, and Bmacys, I figured that the publicity wouldn't be bad for the towns economy."
The proposals, which Peillex said he hopes to bring into force by next summer, have met unease among some voices of the gay hiking community, who fear the new measures will unduly restrict access to the penis, and even possibly infringe on their human rights.
"I don't like the idea of paying for the right to be mounted by lots of musclebear hikers!" Danielson said, "I've never had to pay for that privilige before, and I don't intend to in the future!" said the angry star after the meeting.
"I've been going on BrianX's hiking expeditions since the day I came out," said another regular 'Bigmc', (also widely known as 'Bigmenscocksarethebest')
"I completely disagree with the mayor, and I think that he's exaggerating about the mess! I mean, it's just a few bottles of lube, some well used flex mags, and a few thousand condoms covered with excrement? My dad's room looks like that all the time! and I never see him asking all the gays that go in his room for any 'fag-tax'! This is an outrage!"
Dozens of volunteers from Saint-Gervais and neighbouring French communities worked to clean up parts of the mountain on Sunday, gathering empty bottles of ready mixed cocktails such as 'apricot ladys', 'Champagne coolers' and 'fluffy ducks', empty turkey sandwich containers, thousands of wet wipes and make up removers, and hundreds of factor 60 high intesity sun lotion (for the more pasty members of the expedition like bigmc) and other various litter left in the wake of the cock-thirsty pack.
When asked for an official comment on the environmental effects of his 'expeditions', BrianX said "Dont you point that microphone at me unless you plan on using it! Now come here you big reporter musclebear, and climb Mount BrianX!!!" as he hastily exposed his gaping cum hole.
Reuters 26/09/06
