Dear Diary: a place for fleeting thoughts and daily ponderings.

[Phantom Spunker]

What will contributing accomplish? We are all just passing time.

We are all just passing time, but what we do with our time matters in relation to others. Everybody wants to make life more meaningful and comfortable for their families. Most people would ideally like to contribute in some way to make it more meaningful and comfortable for others, too. Art, music, and literature are the fruits to pick and enjoy while we cling to the edge of the cliff and dangle over the abyss below.

We should all treat death with the contempt it deserves and charge straight towards it with passion and fury. I want to still be able to do that. Indeed, the absurdity of life is sickening, and if one can delude themselves with religion, they should. Maybe they're right, anyway. It's probably all just beyond our comprehension, but I can at least attempt to leave behind some fruits for others to pick before they plummet into the apparent darkness too. I'd feel more content knowing I tried.

[Phantom Spunker]

Some top tunes I've been blasting repeatedly. This 'Tab Benoit' customer is a hell of a bluesman. Never heard of him before a few months ago. I must have been living under a rock.

[Humble Narcissist]

Jesus effing Christ:

In college I knew of a chick like that with one leg and no arms. She was a total slut. I guess some guys will fuck anything. No, I wasn't one of them.

[AbrahamG]

Derby's dose was a form of torture used in Jamaica to punish slaves who attempted to escape or committed other offenses like stealing food on plantations that were owned or ran by Thomas Thistlewood. According to Malcolm Gladwell in his 2008 book Outliers, (Thomas Thistlewood wrote about his outlandish behaviour and disturbing treatment of Jamaican slaves extensively in his 14,000 page diary) "The runaway would be beaten, and salt pickle, lime juice, and bird pepper would be rubbed into his or her open wounds. Another slave would defecate into the mouth of the miscreant, who would then be gagged, with their mouth full, for four to five hours."[1] The punishment was invented by Thomas Thistlewood, a slave overseer, and named after the slave, Derby, who was made to undergo this punishment when he was caught eating young sugar cane stalks in the field on 25 May 1756. However, historian Douglas Hall points out that "Derby's dose" was so-called because it was often administered by one of his slaves called Derby.[2]

Thistlewood recorded this punishment as well as a further punishment of Derby in August of that same year in his diary.[3]

On 18 November 2013 British television host Martin Bashir discredited a comparison made by U.S. politician Sarah Palin between the United States' debt to China and slavery by referring to Derby's dose.[4][5] In pointing out how cruel and barbaric slavery was, Bashir used Derby's dose as an example; at the end of the segment, he finished by saying that "if anyone truly qualified for a dose of discipline from Thomas Thistlewood, [Palin] would be the outstanding candidate".[5] He was criticized for this comment, and ultimately resigned.

[Phantom Spunker]

Derby's dose was a form of torture used in Jamaica to punish slaves who attempted to escape or committed other offenses like stealing food on plantations that were owned or ran by Thomas Thistlewood. According to Malcolm Gladwell in his 2008 book Outliers, (Thomas Thistlewood wrote about his outlandish behaviour and disturbing treatment of Jamaican slaves extensively in his 14,000 page diary) "The runaway would be beaten, and salt pickle, lime juice, and bird pepper would be rubbed into his or her open wounds. Another slave would defecate into the mouth of the miscreant, who would then be gagged, with their mouth full, for four to five hours."[1] The punishment was invented by Thomas Thistlewood, a slave overseer, and named after the slave, Derby, who was made to undergo this punishment when he was caught eating young sugar cane stalks in the field on 25 May 1756. However, historian Douglas Hall points out that "Derby's dose" was so-called because it was often administered by one of his slaves called Derby.[2]

Thistlewood recorded this punishment as well as a further punishment of Derby in August of that same year in his diary.[3]

On 18 November 2013 British television host Martin Bashir discredited a comparison made by U.S. politician Sarah Palin between the United States' debt to China and slavery by referring to Derby's dose.[4][5] In pointing out how cruel and barbaric slavery was, Bashir used Derby's dose as an example; at the end of the segment, he finished by saying that "if anyone truly qualified for a dose of discipline from Thomas Thistlewood, [Palin] would be the outstanding candidate".[5] He was criticized for this comment, and ultimately resigned.

Abe, imagine this scene: you're a slave. Goodrum is your master and you've fucked up in some absolutely trivial way. Goodrum being Goodrum, though, he's absolutely fucking furious as his inherent insecurities stemming from being a fat loser have sent him into overdrive. He's determined to demonstrate his authority in the sickest way imaginable. That's right - he's ordered you to receive the Derby's Dose.

Now, you can only pick one - just one - Getbigger to squat over your impudent slave face and deliver the dose in order to pacify the wrath of Goodrum. Who do you pick and why?

[Humble Narcissist]

I genuinely think she's absolutely smoking, lol. BOTH arms is maybe a bit much, as I'd still like her to be able to wash herself and brush her teeth (and there's no way I'm spoon-feeding her). One arm and a leg, though: that's the dream.

I think it's outrageous that some fat pig with a degree in googling shit would label me as a little creep with a paraphilic disorder. I'm not in Asia buying used underwear out of a vending machine to sniff like Iron Cross and Muscle Center. I just think a hot woman with something extra going on is even hotter. I absolutely DO NOT want to fuck the stump. I'm not attracted to the stump itself. I just think it's unique, and it represents a new peak on the sexual landscape. I am now a retired climber, but the drive to reach the summit remains.

No fucking way. That would creep me out.

[AbrahamG]

Abe, imagine this scene: you're a slave. Goodrum is your master and you've fucked up in some absolutely trivial way. Goodrum being Goodrum, though, he's absolutely fucking furious as his inherent insecurities stemming from being a fat, Black gaylord have sent him into overdrive. He's determined to demonstrate his authority in the sickest way imaginable. That's right - he's ordered you to receive the Derby's Dose.

Now, you can only pick one - just one - Getbigger to squat over your impudent slave face and deliver the dose in order to pacify the wrath of Goodrum. Who do you pick and why?

JustPlaneJane - 1. She's a woman. 2. She's slender therefore less shit.

Now your turn.

🤣

[Phantom Spunker]

JustPlaneJane - 1. She's a woman. 2. She's slender therefore less shit.

Now your turn.

🤣

Jane was actually my first candidate but then it dawned on me that she's too German. Too efficient. She probably has a fantastic diet full of ruffage, and that means that I'm going to be staring down an absolute textbook shit in terms of size and smell. It likely also has a greyish hue. I just can't do it. In typing this I also realise that Derby's Dose is without question the worst punishment going and I would rather die than accept it.

I'm including Getbiggers past and present so I'm picking Lobstah. I reckon it will be a tiny rabbit-like sample similar in size and taste to Nesquik cereal. Plus, at least I get a sly look at her fanny before I'm sullied in the most depraved way.

[AbrahamG]

My fucking stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

[Phantom Spunker]

I honestly feel like my penis has shrunk a little. What the fuck's going on? I used to walk around with a beef wellington down there.

[Humble Narcissist]

I honestly feel like my penis has shrunk a little. What the fuck's going on? I used to walk around with a beef wellington down there.

It's called aging.

[Phantom Spunker]

It's called aging.

Brutal if true.

[Phantom Spunker]

This beautifully expresses my internal voice every time someone asks me what I'd like to eat.

[Phantom Spunker]

I've had it up to here with disabled people. Always getting wheeled to the front of queues and shit. If anything, I should be the one getting whisked away to the front of the line, seeing as how I'm having to stand and exhaust my legs while they're chilling out in a comfy seat.

Can't ever fucking get parked, either. Every shop has a million disabled spaces like they're expecting the Paralympic squad to show up, but nothing for the normals.

[Phantom Spunker]

Derek effin' Trucks. Easily one of the greatest guitarists of all time, in my book. Who else can channel Whitney and Aretha in a solo? Blows my mind. Song is a bit gay but 3:11 is pure virtuosity.

[Taffin]

I've had it up to here with disabled people. Always getting wheeled to the front of queues and shit. If anything, I should be the one getting whisked away to the front of the line, seeing as how I'm having to stand and exhaust my legs while they're chilling out in a comfy seat.

Can't ever fucking get parked, either. Every shop has a million disabled spaces like they're expecting the Paralympic squad to show up, but nothing for the normals.

Many years ago, I used to volunteer with a group taking blind/disabled but ambulatory under 25's to theme parks.  It was one of the best things I ever did...

...

Oh not because of some vague social value I might feel I accrued along the way - no - it was simply because all parks we went to had a fast track system so we didn't have to queue - at all - even if we went on the rides again and again (and again and again for some of the kids LOL)

Of course, the punishment for me enjoying that is that it's ruined my ability to visit such places any more - I refuse to queue with the proles 

[AbrahamG]

Many years ago, I used to volunteer with a group taking blind/disabled but ambulatory under 25's to theme parks.  It was one of the best things I ever did...

...

Oh not because of some vague social value I might feel I accrued along the way - no - it was simply because all parks we went to had a fast track system so we didn't have to queue - at all - even if we went on the rides again and again (and again and again for some of the kids LOL)

Of course, the punishment for me enjoying that is that it's ruined my ability to visit such places any more - I refuse to queue with the proles 

 

[Taffin]

Hahahahahaha!  Very funny 



Pro-tip - anyone taking a group of kids like this to a fun fair/theme park take it from me - ask them to wear lace-up or velcro footwear if possible - no slip-ons - you spend half the time retrieving shoes flung away at high speeds otherwise... but I'd recommend this sort of volunteering to anyone - 100% honestly

[Phantom Spunker]

Many years ago, I used to volunteer with a group taking blind/disabled but ambulatory under 25's to theme parks.  It was one of the best things I ever did...

...

Oh not because of some vague social value I might feel I accrued along the way - no - it was simply because all parks we went to had a fast track system so we didn't have to queue - at all - even if we went on the rides again and again (and again and again for some of the kids LOL)

Of course, the punishment for me enjoying that is that it's ruined my ability to visit such places any more - I refuse to queue with the proles 

They're lazy, Taffin. That's what they are. Taking our kindness for weakness. We build ramps for them everywhere and have you ever seen one of them doing any tricks? I haven't.

Remember this scene in The Inbetweeners? 

[Humble Narcissist]

Of all tragedies, few are greater than the death of the classic British porn magazine. Gone are the days where I could wander around aimlessly in my youth and stumble upon a Razzle or Escort magazine thrown carelessly out of a car window by a sex-starved worker; no doubt on his way home to enjoy another night of involuntary abstinence with his West-Indian manatee of a wife.

Undoubtedly, the rise of the internet is responsible for the decline of print media, and porn in particular took a terrible beating due to the anonymity offered with online smut-searching. No longer did one have to subject oneself to the cashier's look of disgust as they carelessly scanned the magazine in full view of the ever-growing queue of customers behind them. "It’s for a friend's birthday!  He'll… he'll find it really funny", the aspiring masturbator would cry out in desperation as he stood beetroot-faced and in tachycardia under the weight of shame. 

As I now ramble though various woods and quarries decades later, I’ve come to lament this loss as strongly as one might mourn the death of a close family member or much-loved pet. What I wouldn't give to trip over a weather-beaten old copy of Fiesta or Club International. How my heart longs to flick open the "Reader’s Wives" section and gaze upon a photo of pasty tart sprawled across an unmade bed - a speech bubble painstakingly added by the editor to express something along the lines of "come get me, lads! I'm a right fucking slag."

Indeed, there was no thrill quite like finding filth as a pubescent youngster. As age wearies me and the years condemn, I will remember this period of my life with profound joy. If reincarnation is real, let me be reassembled as my 11-year-old self inside my woodland wank-den.

Internet porn has changed everything for boys growing up. I don't know if that is good or bad.

[Phantom Spunker]

Internet porn has changed everything for boys growing up. I don't know if that is good or bad.

In all seriousness, I suspect it’s had a profoundly negative impact on both young men and women.

When I was a young teen, I don't recall that the internet had really taken off – at least not in our demographic. I didn't have a computer at home, and the only people given laptops at school were retards. I do remember my friends would use Limewire to download the occasional video, though, as well as viewing the fucked up shock-site 'Rotten' to satisfy their morbid curiosity.

We had an 'old building' and 'new building' at our school that involved using a pelican crossing (traffic lights) to get to either side. It used to be like some James Bond-esque dead-drop at that crossing, where a poker-faced friend would pass by you shoulder-to-shoulder, looking off into the distance while surreptitiously slipping you a folded up piece of paper that you'd open up on your way to class and see a printout of, say, a woman shitting into another's mouth, lol. It then somehow became your solemn duty to fold the picture back up and pass it on to the next unsuspecting victim. That was pretty much as bad as it got.

Nowadays, kids are exposed to innumerable amounts of grotesque, violent and hateful pornography at the click of a button. Not only that, but a relentless celebrity culture on social media encouraging them to embrace this sort of behaviour as a way to promote oneself and become 'famous', too. Throw in all the retards like Andrew Tate and the incel movement and they're facing an unmarked minefield of psychological trauma. It must have an effect.

[Humble Narcissist]

In all seriousness, I suspect it’s had a profoundly negative impact on both young men and women.

When I was a young teen, I don't recall that the internet had really taken off – at least not in our demographic. I didn't have a computer at home, and the only people given laptops at school were retards. I do remember my friends would use Limewire to download the occasional video, though, as well as viewing the fucked up shock-site 'Rotten' to satisfy their morbid curiosity.

We had an 'old building' and 'new building' at our school that involved using a pelican crossing (traffic lights) to get to either side. It used to be like some James Bond-esque dead-drop at that crossing, where a poker-faced friend would pass by you shoulder-to-shoulder, looking off into the distance while surreptitiously slipping you a folded up piece of paper that you'd open up on your way to class and see a printout of, say, a woman shitting into another's mouth, lol. It then somehow became your solemn duty to fold the picture back up and pass it on to the next unsuspecting victim. That was pretty much as bad as it got.

Nowadays, kids are exposed to innumerable amounts of grotesque, violent and hateful pornography at the click of a button. Not only that, but a relentless celebrity culture on social media encouraging them to embrace this sort of behaviour as a way to promote oneself and become 'famous', too. Throw in all the retards like Andrew Tate and the incel movement and they're facing an unmarked minefield of psychological trauma. It must have an effect.

It has definitely changed the male/female dynamic. When I was in school it was very easy getting a girlfriend and almost all guys had gotten laid by age 20 even if they were total nerds. Now a large % of men are virgins at 30 or 40 years old! Dating apps have created a sexual utopia for the top 5% of men (all getbiggers) but created a sexual desert for all the others. Porn has changed sex into a totally mechanical activity for most with an endless stream of sex partners w/no emotional connection.

The only good thing I can see from it is the mystery of sex and all the questions can be answered by a young guy simply looking online. We now have unlimited information.

[Phantom Spunker]

It has definitely changed the male/female dynamic. When I was in school it was very easy getting a girlfriend and almost all guys had gotten laid by age 20 even if they were total nerds. Now a large % of men are virgins at 30 or 40 years old! Dating apps have created a sexual utopia for the top 5% of men (all getbiggers) but created a sexual desert for all the others. Porn has changed sex into a totally mechanical activity for most with an endless stream of sex partners w/no emotional connection.

The only good thing I can see from it is the mystery of sex and all the questions can be answered by a young guy simply looking online. We now have unlimited information.

Sounds absolutely fucking horrendous! 

[Phantom Spunker]

Oof, what a cunt. I've got Helicobacter pylori. My stomach has been giving me hell for ages but I just assumed I was dying and didn't bother with it. After walking around in agony like a bloated Biafran child for the past few months, I finally got checked. I must admit, when stomach cancer was first speculated as a possible scenario, I felt a great sense of calm. I looked forward to being able to relax finally, maybe get some Fentanyl lollipops and just fade into oblivion.

Raging with them listing 'fecal-oral' as a transmission route online. People are going to think I'm some sort of willing shit eater or that I got Derby's Dosed. I blatantly must have got it from swimming in filthy seas abroad and eating horrible, communal lunches. My stomach is going to be fucked forever with the amount of antibiotics I need to take now. 

[Humble Narcissist]

Sounds absolutely fucking horrendous! 

We'll live.