Author Topic: WRESTLEMANIA 37 - Night TWO: Dear Daniel Bryan......PLEASE SAVE OUR HIDE AGAIN!!  (Read 343 times)

MCWAY

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 17660
  • Getbig!
With night one in the books, I guess we know now who is duking it out tomorrow (what some would call the REAL WrestleMania). I said three months ago that nobody wanted to see an old crusty Edge against Roman Reigns.


WWE Universal Championship (Triple Threat) - Roman Reigns (c) vs Daniel Bryan vs Edge: For the second time in seven years, Daniel Bryan is being used to bail out an otherwise BOOTY main event for WrestleMania. Is it Deja vu all over again? After all, Bryan never got a run with the titles after WM30. He had to forfeit due to injury and John Cena ended up with them at MITB 2014.

Will Reigns retain, as this time he's supposed to get booed? Maybe he's on the right end of the swerve this time, unlike WM34, when we all thought he'd beat Lesnar. Hey, they let Lashley go over.

But, it's rare that both world champs successfully defend their titles, though it happened twice (WM27, Edge and Miz retained; WM34, Lesnar and Styles retained) in the last decade. Since Lashley retains, Reigns can kiss his belt goodbye, probably to Daniel Bryan.

WWE Intercontinental Championship (Nigerian Drum Match) - Big E Langston (c) vs Apollo Crews: Never heard of this match. It might just be a new spin on a strap match. But, considering how New Day just got squished by AJ Styles' pet gargantuan, I think Big E keeps his UGLY IC belt.

WWE United States Championship - Riddle (c) vs. Sheamus. Don't know much about this Riddle guy. But, I like Sheamus; so, I'll pick him to win that even UGLIER US title belt.

Women Tag Team Championship - Nia Jax & Shayna Baszley (c) vs. Tamina and Natalya. I have a feeling that people have had it with Jax. Plus, Tamina hasn't won a title AT ALL nor has Natalya won one in years. I know she won the Smackdown women's title a while back; but it was so forgetful that all I remember was her Divas reign 10 years ago, beating Laycool. So, I'm with Snuka and Neidhart. Look for a Hogan-Andre moment with Tamina slamming Jax.

Raw Women's championship - Asuka (c) vs Rhea Ripley: Did anyone beat Asuka since she got handed the title, after Becky Lynch got knocked up? And am I hearing correctly that Charlotte Flair is preggers? I don't remember all this happening during the Divas era. Nonetheless, Asuka is due for a win after getting flattened three years ago. She went two years undefeated then couldn't win to save her life. Then she was with that pirate girl and won the tag titles. Asuka is going barely intelligible lunch snack commercials. So, I think she keeps her belt.

"The Fiend" Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton: I hope they don't goof this up the way they did at WM33. Please, no videos of worms or roaches on the ring apron during the match. How they've kept this feud alive with Alexa Bliss, playing pinch hitter for (the presumably injured) Wyatt is fairly genius. But, how do they build him up to the monster he was, after jobbing to Goldberg last year? Even his win against Strowman didn't quite repair the damage from that. I'll go with the Fiend; Wyatt needs the reboot badly.

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens: How many times does this on-again-off-again mess with these two continue? TWO DECADES they've been fighting with and against each other. Coin Flip - I'll pick Zayn.


MCWAY

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 17660
  • Getbig!
WrestleMania pyro show is in full effect with no rain delay.

Hulk Hogan and Titus O'Neil are dressed as pirates and getting the Buccaneer spirit, united entrances and all.

First up: Orton and Wyatt. Oh brother!! Where do they get all these inflatables? Now there's a snake head for Orton's entrance.

Wyatt's entrance ought to be interesting, to say the least. Well, the Fiend got his old clothes back, instead of the charred clothes he's had, courtesy of Orton. And now Satan's baby sister (Alexa Bliss) is in front of a giant Jack-In-The-Box. She winds up to the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel" and out comes the Fiend....with a flying clothesline off the box onto the Viper.

This whole thing of the creepy clown mask making Wyatt invincible is a bit silly. Even when he lost to Goldberg, he popped up right after the jackhammer and the pin. So far, there are no worms or roaches in the ring.

OK. Now comes the weirdness. Wyatt goes for "Sister Abigail", the posts catch fire (Kane style) and Bliss is on top of the Jack-in-the-Box with black goo, dripping off her face (Can you say Ultimate Warrior-Papa Shango?). Wyatt releases the hold and waltzes toward her outstretched hand.....as we get a "Holy S--t" chant (perhaps a piped-in one). Fiend get RKOed and PINNED!!!

Orion's confused but he'll take the win and haul tail. Fiend has his WTF look on his face; lights go out and both Wyatt and Bliss are gone.


MCWAY

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 17660
  • Getbig!
Women's tag team title match is next. This is just a reminder of why they're no longer called Divas....it's so ugly women can be on the roster.

Battle of the headbutts, between Polynesian women. And I TOLD YOU...Tamina went for a bodyslam but didn't get it. And she and Neidhart nearly broke their spines giving Jax a backdrop.

Jax actually hit a cross-body block off the top on both Neidhart and Snuka.  And apparently they don't have the 7-second delay on point. Jay just told Snuka, "you ain't s--t". Now comes the slap and.....I TOLD YOU!! Tamina finally got a half-hearted slam on Jax but no pin.

HOLY WM9!!!....Bret Hart's niece has Yokozuna's niece in the Sharpshooter!!! Baszler puts the sleeper on Neidhart while she has the sharpshooter and it's over.

That made no sense. If Baszler was legal, why did the ref let Natty hit the Sharpshooter and ask Jax if she wanted to quit?

I have grossly underestimated the value of a good curtain-jerker match. Last night, Lashley and McIntyre set the bar WAY HIGH and it kept up most of the night.

So far, that Orton vs. Wyatt match was blah and the women's tag title match was hardly a barnburner. Now comes Zayn and Owens...which means FOUR CONSECUTIVE TITLE MATCHES are after this.

And, to follow in the usual PC world of sports, we have a female referee for this one (and not a gimmick one like Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley in the match between Triple H and Kurt Angle or Steve Austin vs William Regal).

Pop-up powerbomb right off the bat!! But, Zayn rolls out of the ring before the pinfall attempt.

OUCH!!! Zayn just suplexed Owens on the ring apron.

And a ghostbuster on Owens to boot. Zayn is stronger than I thought. We might has a legit "This is awesome" chant from the crowd. And with a twisting belly-to-back suplex from the top, Owens is back in the fight.

Zayn hits the "Helluva Kick" right in the mouth. But he went for a second one and he got kicked in the mouth. Another kick to the snout, followed by a stunner. And Owens gets the win. He stuns this Logan Paul guy, kisses the wife and kids, and heads to the back.

Are you kidding me? This stoner who's the US champion is backstage with 2021 HOFers, RVD and Great Khali (Lord have mercy).

US title match.. PLEASE SHEAMUS beat this goof!!!

MCWAY

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 17660
  • Getbig!
This guy looks like he's supposed to get beat up every week on Wrestling Challenge. He makes the 1-2-3 Kid look like Lex Luger.

But, that overhead belly-to-belly off the top turnbuckle was nice; I'll give him that.

He does the jackhammer better than Goldberg these days.

Sheamus slipped, trying to deliver super White Noise from the top turnbuckle.

YES!!! Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick while Riddle came somersault off the ropes (although, he hit him in the chest instead of the head).

Maybe Sheamus did kick Riddle in the face, because he's bleeding from the mouth profusely.

MCWAY

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 17660
  • Getbig!
Now we find out what a "Nigerian Drum Fight" is.

Basically, it's a No DQ match. And rapper Wale is doing some rap song for Big E (another Tampa Bay native) to hit the ring. They're definitely trying to separate him from New Day, notwithstanding that he hyped Woods and Kingston to their match last night...before they got slaughtered.

There are drums surrounding the ring. But no lumberjacks or drumbeats are nearby...YET!!

Since when are kendo sticks Nigerian? Big E just hit Crews with a gong and the through-the-ropes spear.

Well, there go Crews' ribs. E hits a rock-bottom slam on those metal steps.

Langston took too long and got kicked in the mouth and tenderized by a kendo stick. Crews missed the splash and got planted by a Big Ending.

WHAT!! Apparently, people are finding giants to beat up New Day, because some light-skinned titan in an army uniform is beating Big E senseless. Chokeslam city and Crews is the new IC champion. So, a heel gets the win and get pyro. I was going to say "cheats to win" but it's no DQ. Sucks to be New Day at 'Mania.

It must be heel night because (except for Belair) all of the heels have won or retain titles. This means it's curtains for Reigns tonight.

Dave D

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 9588
Now we find out what a "Nigerian Drum Fight" is.

Basically, it's a No DQ match.

It must be heel night because (except for Belair) all of the heels have won or retain titles. This means it's curtains for Reigns tonight.

Every made up match is a no DQ match....

And spot on with Roman losing tonight.  Iím thinking Edge pins DB.

Dave D

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 9588
Roman wins! He pins them both.

I didnít see that happening.

MCWAY

  • Getbig V
  • *****
  • Posts: 17660
  • Getbig!
Every made up match is a no DQ match....

And spot on with Roman losing tonight.  Iím thinking Edge pins DB.

But nothing out of the ordinary was in the "Nigerian Drum" fight, except for the drums and this monster that beat up Big E.

Now it's Raw Women's title with some Satan-worshipping girl group doing Rhea Ripley's entrance music live.

And boy does Asuka have bad luck or what? She's WINLESS at WrestleMania. I guess they owed Ripley this after needlessly feeding her to Charlotte Flair last year.

Universal Championship time.

Well, now this is a handicapped match because Jey Uso is super kicking everyone. Well, he was until Edge chucked him into the steps. He got con-chair-toed and carried out by the medics.

Why do this? Everybody knows that Reigns misses the spear when he does the scream first.

I had a feeling this might happen. Both Edge and Reigns go for Spears and nail each other.  Flying goat headbutts to both guys but no pin.

Stereo "Yes" kicks!! Flying knee to Edge's mouth but WHY didn't Bryan go for the pin?

Bryan goes for the "Yes" lock. Edge makes the save. So Bryan locks the "Yes" lock on Edge and Reigns makes the save.

OUCH!! Powerbomb through the table for Bryan! DOUBLE-OUCH!! Spear off the steps by Edge and Reigns' ribs are a-hurtin'

Crippler Crossface on Reigns by Edge...NOW using a piece of the chair that broke in the ring.

Are you kidding? Bryan makes the save to keep Reigns from tapping and now hooks a "Yes" lock on Reigns while he's still in the Crippler Crossface.

Bryan goes for the running knee but get SPEARED by Edge. Reigns attempts the Superman punch but he gets SPEARED. Edge for the cover and Bryan yanks the ref out of the ring.

Edge wants to KILL Daniel Bryan right now. Edge gets more chairs and starts tenderizing Reigns and Bryan. Edge hits a con-chair-to on Bryan. He's about to hit Reigns with one.....Jey Uso to the rescue again. Uso gets speared and tenderized by a chair.

BOOM!!! Reigns hits Edge with a spear. But, insult to injury. He hits Edge with a con-chair-to, stacks Edge on top of Bryan and double-pins them to keep his blue belt.

So, every HEEL wins his/her championship match, except Sasha Banks.

Neither world championship changes hand, for the third time in 10 years: WM27, WM34, and WM37.

And Reigns gets booed silly after winning the main event for the third time, pyro and all.