How do I tell her to pay more?

[James28]

Thought I'd drop this in here instead of G&O where it'll run off tangent within 3 posts and we end up with a picture of a penis or a naked picture of someone's dad.

I'm in a relationship where there's a massive difference in income levels. I work full time and run my own company ... full time. Needless to say, I'm fucking busy. But it's making me nice money and I'm sitting pretty every month. My girlfriend works as a primary school teacher and loves her job. However, she's on a low income and don't have a ton of room for making more if she stays in education.

While on paper this shouldn't matter, relationships aren't made of paper. I pay all the rent, so to speak. She picks up the fixed bills (300 bucks a month give or take) and whoever happens to be in a food store at the time, grabs the food. Holidays, I pay for. Hotels, flights, entertainment, etc. When we go out of dinner, I pay for it. If we go out drinking with friends, I usually pay for it.

I know it should't bother me but it does. Or it's starting to more and more. Whenever I approach the subject, she just throws it in my face that it shouldn't matter as we're together and share everything. Or when I really get annoyed with her about this, she'd just say that I earn 10 times more than her and shouldn't mind paying for more.

I earn more. But should I be expected to pay for more?

[ritch]

If the activities you wanna do are out of her budget in the first place, then yes. Otherwise she can't follow you. My parents put both salaries in an account together and if you guys are solid, I don't see why not.
But since everything ends in divorce now, not sure man...

[Quickerblade]

Girls hate paying for anything.

[BayGBM]

If the activities you wanna do are out of her budget in the first place, then yes. Otherwise she can't follow you. My parents put both salaries in an account together and if you guys are solid, I don't see why not.
But since everything ends in divorce now, not sure man...

This.  You make 10x more than her and you expect her to pay more?  You are being very unreasonable.  You need to do some soul searching and perhaps admit to yourself that she is too poor for you.  You want a woman who makes a lot more money who can approach or match your spending.  The average teacher is never going to be able to do that.  You know this.  

Your values are not what you think they are.  I believe you know this as well though you do not yet want to admit it to yourself.  Based on what you say here, I fear your relationship is doomed.


I once dated a big meathead who had a job but made very little money.  He didn't have a credit card and lived hand to mouth; I am not sure he had a savings account.  He lived with at least 4 roommates because he could not afford to do otherwise.  I saw his home once and it was not a happy place.  He basically lived in a small room with a bed and he had to keep a lock on his door to keep his roommates out.  He often complained that they would eat his food; I always made sure that we ate well when we went out.  Oh, and he was pushing 50!  He was cute and charming but his life was a bit of a mess...

One day, I noticed that the tires on his car were totally bald.  So bald that I was fearful about him driving the car (if we went anywhere together I always drove).  I pointed out the dangerously bald tires to him, but he said he couldn't do anything about it in the short term because he didn't have any extra money to buy new tires.  The next day I stopped by the local tire store and prepaid to have new tires put on his car.  I selected the tires and paid the entire bill.  All he had to do was bring the car in sometime that weekend.  I told him about it and the next time I saw him his car had new tires.  He was grateful and surprised.  I did it with no strings attached and was happy to do this for him because I remember what it was like to be of modest means and unable to buy X.  If we went anywhere, I paid.  If we ate anywhere, I paid. And I had absolutely no problem doing so.

Oddly enough, he is the one who had a problem.  He could not handle the fact that he was unable to pay for anything and eventually broke it off.  After that, whenever I saw him at the gym on occasion, I would think about his tiny little room... and I wondered how many other guys in the gym were living just like him.  

[Quickerblade]

This.  You make 10x more than her and you expect her to pay more?  You are being very unreasonable.  You need to do some soul searching and perhaps admit to yourself that she is too poor for you.  You want a woman who makes a lot more money who can approach or match your spending.  The average teacher is never going to be able to do that.  You know this.  

Your values are not what you think they are.  I believe you know this as well though you do not yet want to admit it to yourself.  Based on what you say here, I fear your relationship is doomed.


I once dated a big meathead who had a job but made very little money.  He didn't have a credit card and lived hand to mouth; I am not sure he had a savings account.  He lived with at least 4 roommates because he could not afford to do otherwise.  I saw his home once and it was not a happy place.  He basically lived in a small room with a bed and he had to keep a lock on his door to keep his roommates out.  He often complained that they would eat his food; I always made sure that we ate well when we went out.  Oh, and he was pushing 50!  He was cute and charming but his life was a bit of a mess...

One day, I noticed that the tires on his car were totally bald.  So bald that I was fearful about him driving the car (if we went anywhere together I always drove).  I pointed out the dangerously bald tires to him, but he said he couldn't do anything about it in the short term because he didn't have any extra money to buy new tires.  The next day I stopped by the local tire store and prepaid to have new tires put on his car.  I selected the tires and paid the entire bill.  All he had to do was bring the
 car in sometime that weekend.  I told him about it and the next time I saw him his car had new tires.  He was grateful and surprised.  I did it with no strings attached and was happy to do this for him because I remember what it was like to be of modest means and unable to buy X.  If we went anywhere, I paid.  If we ate anywhere, I paid. And I had absolutely no problem doing so.

Oddly enough, he is the one who had a problem.  He could not handle the fact that he was unable to pay for anything and eventually broke it off.  After that, whenever I saw him at the gym on occasion, I would think about his tiny little room... and I wondered how many other guys in the gym were living just like him.  

I bet he was a getbigger.
What a loser.

[Migs]

Thought I'd drop this in here instead of G&O where it'll run off tangent within 3 posts and we end up with a picture of a penis or a naked picture of someone's dad.

I'm in a relationship where there's a massive difference in income levels. I work full time and run my own company ... full time. Needless to say, I'm fucking busy. But it's making me nice money and I'm sitting pretty every month. My girlfriend works as a primary school teacher and loves her job. However, she's on a low income and don't have a ton of room for making more if she stays in education.

While on paper this shouldn't matter, relationships aren't made of paper. I pay all the rent, so to speak. She picks up the fixed bills (300 bucks a month give or take) and whoever happens to be in a food store at the time, grabs the food. Holidays, I pay for. Hotels, flights, entertainment, etc. When we go out of dinner, I pay for it. If we go out drinking with friends, I usually pay for it.

I know it should't bother me but it does. Or it's starting to more and more. Whenever I approach the subject, she just throws it in my face that it shouldn't matter as we're together and share everything. Or when I really get annoyed with her about this, she'd just say that I earn 10 times more than her and shouldn't mind paying for more.

I earn more. But should I be expected to pay for more?

She is living it up on your dime.  Congrats.  She shares everything that is yours.  If you get hitched, she's set.  Get ready to lose at least half of everything you own.  She's being greedy and unappreciative.

[BayGBM]

I bet he was a getbigger.
What a loser.

I cannot argue the point, and certainly that was one way to look at him.  Part of me was stunned to know someone his age who had accomplished so little in life.  I confess after the first couple weeks I had doubts about my ability to introduce Mr. Muscles to my circle of friends, family, or coworkers, but I was determined not to "disqualify" him based on his income so it was the height of irony for him to disqualify me for essentially the same reason.

If you chat up guys at the gym, you quickly learn that there are many such men in circulation.