I actually spoke to Kelly for the first time in 5 years after a very volatile, ugly feud ruined our friendship... all of our friendships - mine and hers and mine and Craig's. I interviewed her for a mag last March and it was nice to perfunctorily check in and catch up. She seemed to be doing well, and though we were never in contact after that, nor either seeking mutual rekindled friendship, I was happy to have had a positive contact with her in contrast to the horrid exchanges that went on between her, myself and Craig back in 1999 and 2000. We were all accountable for that, and I can only speak for my own part in things on this earth.
She did mention though, at the time, that Craig's teenage daughter was living with them, and commented on how "odd" it was to be a stepmother. But she said they were all getting along and were kind of settling into a domesticity that sounded new and different for them. I felt that they were on the right track, but from what I have read, that wasn't so, and wasn't to be.
I know you'll all tell me I'm a sap, and probably won't understand, but I have to say, I am finding the knowledge of all of this both surreal and very, very hard to take. Everything... From the description of the body being bound and gagged, the charred remains, the fact that something obviously went terribly wrong, the utter panic and nightmare of realizing that your only hope is to cover your tracks - right or wrong - and the mental pictures all of that conjures...and knowing that I once knew people really well who were involved in this kind of sick and sad violence. Imaginging the girl suffering or the surprise of being strangled by someone...shocked in those last moments that your life is fleeting by the second and that it's likely going to end at the hands of someone who, in their right mind, would never do this. That someone is this angry...to end a life. Ugh.
Also, as I said in another string, I really feel very badly to have seen one of these lives completely unravel. Craig always had somewhat of a sketchy, street-y, kind of countenance and existence. He accepted himself as this, and still had a lot of charm, took his licks for his actions, and seemed to still be able to perambulate through life fairly well, not terribly affected by his life's mistakes - he just seemed to pick himself up, dust himself off and survive once again....though he was notoriously addicted to controversy and seemed to pull it in like some kind of magnetic forcefield or, I don't know what...
Anyway, I always knew she was far too fragile and wounded, to be with someone like Craig. Yet, their attraction was immediate and like some kind of weird surreal spark and ignition. No one could convince either that they were not going to be good together - they were hellbent. Most people's ability to listen to contstrutive advice from family and friends is hampered with this kind of chemistry. I believe it's a one in a billion kind of chemistry and not good. How these two found one another and created this is unimaginable. The odds....
Sadly though, she had endured jolts to her self-esteem in her life, and was vulnerable to just this kind of advance. (Who back in high school would be able to fathom or believe someone telling them, "Guard your self esteem because otherwise, one day, you'll take up with a man, and things are going to go terribly awry. You'll end up buying gas to burn and hide a woman's body - a woman your husband will have had an affair with - and you will be charged with murder and spend the rest of your adult life in prison!") No one would be able to comprehend this. Certainly not the little girl with gymnastic dreams and Olympic goals.
Very sad is the fact that Kelly really always wanted to be sexy, and felt herself just cute. This bothered her a great deal, I know, and she was really crestfallen about it. It was something she was internally focused on so much that it guided her actions. Ironically, no one else necessarily saw her this way, but she did. So disappointed with this was Kelly that she actually let someone tell her she wasn't good enough and needed to make changes to be "pretty", truly "Sexy" and marketable. I know she would claim that the changes surgery made on her face were her choice, and were good ones; and maybe at first they were. It's a personal choice and I'm not knocking surgery here or making judgments. However, to do it for anything but your own reasons... to get love and acceptance from someone else, is just serving the wrong master. I'm so sick over this. This whole series of events is over this.
Guard your issues, people. Guard them and then get to the bottom of them before someone or something (a chain of events) opportunistic figures them out and gets to you first! That kind of vulnerability is a true bitch.
I also really believe that while we all explore our sexuality throughout life, I don't believe that Kelly would have chosen the sexual life the two were alleged to have had if she knew before, and believed, that she actually deserved someone who respected her and that she didn't need to trade threesomes for love and affection and acceptance. I am very sad about that... for her. Not because I'm a prude or have never been adventurous, but intention and reason is everything. No one is going to be happy for long with a spouse who insists they engage in this kind of stuff. No swingers are ever fully "on the same page" nor want it in exactly the same measure as the other. Believe that! This was another sad case of that.
I KNOW it tore her up inside, despite appearing to go along and like it, etc... (willingly, I realize, with open eyes as an adult with choices). I'll bet she'd have traded anything she had to just hear, "You know what? You're enough woman for me. I don't need this stuff." and be able to actually accept it herself. But no matter what, I also know she'd have had issues ongoing even with someone loving - she had someone like that before Craig. He soon became boring for her, because she so wanted the "dangerous type" and "excitement" and someone really hot to love her and choose ONLY her, because she needed to hear, "You're sexy...you're the prettiest woman on earth and I'd choose you over the more amazing Maxim pin-up girl on earth" etc. from someone who actually COULD have the prettiest woman on earth.
I dunno... I'm sure I'm going to be brutally roasted on this board, and that's ok. I have to admit, this has been truly disruptive to my emotions, sleep and memories of times past. I'm really having a tough time with all of this. I really am. Who'd have thunk it? I hope that justice prevails, but I also hope that she soon finds safety, comfort, the love of her family, and the support of friends. I say that after, as I said, a terribly ugly feud and much bile exchanged back in the day. And I've shed a lot of tears just thinking how much hell people can be in when alone in a cell with nothing but their conscience, a heavy heart and a sea of troubles. That is the ultimate in "Alone".
If you two manage to catch a break or it's shown that you are not guilty, remember this as one of life's closest calls. Get help, part ways, and remember that your family and friends are your greatest mirrors in life! Even if you don't make it out of this... your family and friends are everything, and you can still find happiness... just differently than you'd ever planned. I know this to be true.
