By saying "lack" to describe where you're at: Could you go into that a bit more if you don't mind?
BTW, I'm a little late to the Religious Debate Board party so I'm not 100% familiar with your ideas on the subject. Pardon it, please, if you have to retrace some of your ground.
I grew up going to Church of Christ, and then 1st Baptist. Baptized probably around 12 or so. I was a avid churchgoer through high school, even filled in on a few occasions for the preacher on Sundays. Later in life around 33 or 34 I had found myself drifted away from my relationship with God, not that I was doing anything wrong, I just wasn't studying the bible or witnessing like I felt a follower of Christ should. So one day I made a decision to re devote my life and get back into the word. I began reading the bible again, and reading or re reading books by Josh McDowell, C.S. Lewis and Lee Strobel. this time however I wanted to increase my knowledge of what non believers were thinking so that I might be prepared if the opportunity to witness to them came up. In the course of reading secular works on the subject I was surprised to learn claims, or evidences I had always thought were indisputable, were actually highly disputed by secular scholars and even some non secular scholars. Learning about the Nicean council in the 4th century where humans decided on what manuscripts to keep, what to declare as fake was interesting. I suppose that planted a seed and over the next couple years I considered that it was possible the bible wasn't entirely true. That eventually lead to me at some point reluctantly determining what was more likely, the bible is true, or a collection of manuscripts written my men of that time about what was happening and their attempts to rationalize it into something they could understand.
I decided that it wasn't enough just to want it to be true, but what was the likelihood based on all I had read about it both pro and con, that it was true. I decided it wasn't true. Eventually that lead to my lack of belief the bible god exists and pretty much all the ones we have put names to.. I believe those are creations of our own, the old saying, God didn't create us in his image, we created him in ours, holds true for me.