Thanks for the nice thoughts everyone, it is a good feeling, a really good feeling.
Yes I am alive, and Princess was right. I guess it was a little self centered to say I am ill and need tests and then bugger off.
Sorry all, I won't do it again.
I got some not so great news about my tests and I have to do some thinking about what I wish to do. It scared me and still does
So in my way of dealing with tough decisions I hid out at home, drank way to much and then hopped on a cruise.
I didn't take my phone, laptop or anything. I needed to be alone to think.
Well I didn't think, nor really enjoy myself much either.
But I did get laid
Thanks again for the nice thoughts
Racq