that was so mean 
i wanna know secrets
Sorry, ...some secrets are just too embarrassing to share.
I knew I was gonna have a problem with the relationship when I realized I was too embarrassed to be with him.
He was soooo cute. Drop dead gorgeous, sharp dresser, and had a smile that could melt the arctic tundra.
He'd smile and it would be all over. He had that effect on women. Throw in the fact that at 28, he owned his own brokerage firm, as well as his own insurance company, ...and had a Platinum Amex card, and he was considered quite the little catch, ...but I dreaded the thought of people knowing we were together.
I had a girlfriend from South America who was head over heels in love with him.
He and I were holding hands while making our way through the crowd at Stilife (a nightclub) one night when she spotted us. I ran into her at a Yorkville café the next day, and she was practically in tears as she was telling me how crazy she was over him, and how lucky she thought I was to be with him. She even admitted she sometimes used to go to Bemelman's (a trendy Bloor street restaurant at the time) just to sit and stare at him. She had it baaaaad! Now if there is one thing I know, is that any woman that far gone on a man, is a woman who either has been, or could easily be, intimate with that man, at the drop of a hat. All he'd have to do is snap his fingers, and she'd be his. There was no doubt in my mind that if he wanted her in his bed, she'd be there at the drop of a hat, ...if she hadn't been already. She was a fiery, adventurous, open minded, passionate Latina with a wild side, and an even wilder body. Picture a woman with the face of Megan Fox, and the body and personality of Sophia Vergara. As she was pouring out her angst to me, ...all I could think of was "Oh my God, what if Gabriella has already slept with him? What if she sleeps with him in the future? She's gonna know what I might have engaged in!!!"
When contemplating the possibility of a boyfriend potentially cheating on you, and your immediate thoughts and primary concerns are about YOUR sexual privacy rather than any lack of fidelity on his part, ...you know you have a problem, and you really shouldn't be doing what you've been doing.
Then too, he once offered to hook me up with his ex. A girlfriend he'd lived with for two years, and with whom he was still on good terms. His ex was one of the top Casting Directors in the city at the time, and here I was declining his offer to give me an 'IN' with her. All i kept thinking was 'HELL NO!' They didn't date casually, they'd lived together for two years. TWO YEARS!!! There is no way on God's green earth they could have lasted that long, and set up house together, unless she was doing something to keep him happy, ...and I knew exactly what it was that made him happy. That mean't I would know what she was doing, or into, in her private life. I only had to put myself in her position for a split second to realize that anyone with that kind of knowledge would not be someone who stood a very good chance of living out the weekend. lol. In fact, in my estimation, she'd probably see it as a time to start interviewing hit men.
In hindsight, it really wasn't all that "bad", it was kind of fun, a little exciting at first. A bit of a novelty, and very liberating & uninhibiting, ...at first. But then I realized that what was an uninhibiting novelty for me, was a necessity for him. That was the part I couldn't get past. The idea that this novelty item was not to be an occasional appetizer as I first thought, but would infact be the staple and main course of our intimate life was just a little too much for me. The novelty wore off real quick, and I cringed at the thought of a steady diet of it. I needed to get out and get out fast. Ah...but he was soooo pretty. What can I say, ...I have a weakness for masculine pretty boys, ...but sometimes a girls just gotta draw the line.
