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WRESTLEMANIA 39 - Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood...AGAIN! Night 1 and Night 2 picks

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MCWAY:
For some reason, this WrestleMania doesn't seem so WrestleMania-y. They've repeated the Hollywood theme from WM 21.

And speaking of repeats, it appears that, since 'Mania is now a weekend thing, the artist known as The Weeknd is on the payroll. For the FOURTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR, WWE is using one of his tunes as its theme song for the big dance (WM 36 - Blinding Lights; WM 37 - Save Your Tears; WM 38 - Sacrifice, and now WM 39 - Less Than Zero).

At any rates, here are my picks...at least for night one (WrestleMania Saturday).

WrestleMania "Showcase" Tag Matches: Men's - Street Profits vs. Alpha Academy vs. Viking Raiders vs. Ricochet and Braun Strowman; Women's - Natalya Neidhart & Shotzi vs. Raquel Rodriguez & Liv Morgan vs. Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baysler vs. Sonya DeVille and Chelsea Greene - I don't know if "showcase" is a fancy euphemistic way to say these folks are on the pre-show/Free-For-All; but, this is participation trophy stuff personified. How the mighty have fallen. Rousey went from main-eventing WM 35 to THIS? Strowman was once Universal Champion, headlining against Goldberg and Roman Reigns. SIGH!!

Anyway, Viking Raiders for the men's one; Rodriguez and Morgan for the women's one.

Edit - The men's match is night one; the women's match is night two.

United States Championship: Austin Theory (c) vs. John Cena - Bringing Cena back just to lose is strange, though he did that for Roman Reigns at SummerSlam 2021. I know Theory is getting the push, but does he need to beat Cena for that. I'll say Cena wins by DQ

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Championships: The Usos (c) vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn - After the challengers got humiliated last year by Steve Austin and Johnny Knoxville, respectively, WWE has spent the last year building them back up. Someone from the Bloodline has to get beat....maybe. Slight upset special - Owens and Zayn win the belts.

Smackdown Women's Championship: Charlotte Flair (c) vs Rhea Ripley - Based on her induction into the Hall of Fame, I think Charlotte is taking some time off, maybe to have a kid. So, I think Ripley avenges her WM 36 loss and wins the blue belt.

Dominik Mysterio vs. Rey Mysterio - Same principle applies here (minus the baby part). Rey seems to be calling it a day; so, it's time-honored-tradition routine to put his son over.

Damage Control (Bayley, Io Sky, and Dakota Kai) vs. Trish Stratus and WWE women tag champions (Becky Lynch and Lita) -

DC has been on the decline; they could use the win but the nostalgia factor may too great for this one. If Lynch and Lita had another partner, I'd give DC the win. But, Trish Stratus is just too sweet. So, she and the tag champs are my picks.

Seth "Freakin' " Rollins vs. Logan Paul - Rollins has been getting beaten way too much. Using him to boost other people doesn't work, unless he gets a "W" on the grandest stage. Plus, this feud has been too one-sided. I'll go with the Visionary.

MCWAY:
US title match kicks it off. Cena has copped the GI Joe logo for his gear and is sent off to battle by a bunch of Make-A-Wish kids.

Cena is smaller and paler but he keeps knocking Theory to the ground. WHAT!! Theory just went Mike Tyson on Cena and nearly bit his ear off!!! Then he pearl-habored Cena and pummeled him on the mat. A nice forward roll and neck-breaker for a near fall; next comes a forward roll and a dropkick for another near-fall.

Theory tried it one time too many, wildly missed the dropkick, and gets wrapped into the STF. The US Champ has turned cannibal as again he munches Cena to escape a hold.

He goes for two stomps, hits one, but gets caught after the second one. Cena tries the AA but gets planted with a DDT and almost pinned. After a clothesline in the corner, Theory hits a nice double-bicep. After the traditional exchange of boo/YAY punches between the two men, Theory applies the sleeper to Cena. The challenger escapes the sleeper, hits the shoulder blocks, and does the "You-Can't-See-Me" and five-knuckle shuffle routine.

Another AA attempt but Theory hangs on to the ropes and accidentally kicks the ref in the faces. Cena applies the STF again, making Theory tap but there's no official. Cena releases, thinking he has won. But, he checks on the ref and when he goes back to Theory, it's nut-shot time for the US Champ. A-Town-Down.....and Theory retains!!

MCWAY:
Next is the Fatal-4-Way men's match. Much better than I thought. Ricochet gets nearly decapitated with a bouncing Doomsday device from the Viking Raiders. Strowman bowls them both over after they spend too much time posing with their manager, Valhalla. But, the big pop comes when Chad Gable attempt to hit a German Suplex on Strowman, who initially escapes but after a failed powerslam attempt on Gable, Gable rolls up Strowman then actually HITS THE SUPLEX on the Monster.

Now, it gets silly. Gable goes to top rope to hit Strowman, only to be shoved to the mat by Dawkins. Dawkins goes for a splash but misses after being tagged by Ivar. Ivar goes for a splash, only to have Valhalla call an audible to have Ivar try a top-rope moonsault. Ivar misses and now Strowman tries his luck on the top rope....AND ACTUALLY HITS THE SPLASH. But, all the other contestants break up the pinfall attempt.

Otis hits the World's Strongest Slam on Strowman, rips off his T-shirt, and starts jiggling. He goes for a Vader bomb, only to get kicked by Ford who goes to the top. But, he gets stopped by Gable. Next thing you know, Gable is going for a suplex and everyone else goes to the corner for a suplex powebomb splash thingy that wipes out everybody.

Strowman nails Dawkins and gives the signal for the Strowman express. He bowls over Eric, Ivar, Otis. After pausing from hitting Otis, Strowman goes for round 2. He nails Ivar, then Gable, he heads for Eric again but gets blasted by Dawkins. Dawkins gets hyped but Ricochet sails with a shooting star press to the outside, nailing Dawkins and Eric and nearly hitting the announce table.

He throws Dawkins in the rings and goes for a repeats. But, Dawkins gets his knees up and then HOLDS Ricochet in place for Ford to hit his "From-The-Heavens" splash, while Ricochet is still draped across Dawkins' knees. One roll up later, it's 1-2-3 and the Street Profit win it.

MCWAY:
Paul and Rollins do battle. WWE actually is doing a ZIPLINE entrance for Paul, after what happened to Owen Hart? Rollins has a conductor directing the audience (along with some piped-in singers) to do their diddy as Rollins with a BIG RED AND PINK robe heads to the ring. If the Visionary gets any more flamboyant gear, we may have to start calling him SETH-DUST.

But, Paul is out wrestling his opponent with submission holds, moonsaults, Russian leg sweeps, and a repertoire of mat moves.

But, after one missed moonsault, it's fisticuffs and outside the ring for Paul. Rollins then stomps Paul's hand on the steel steps. Back into the ring for a pedigree attempt goes Rollins and Paul. But, Paul reverses it and hits a rollup cover. Then Rollins rolls him up. Back and forth go the cheap roll-up attempt, until Paul hits Rollins with the "lucky punch". But, that hand is hurting. And too much hesitation keeps Paul from the three count.

Then Paul tried to hit a stomp on Rollins who reverses it into a power bomb. But as Rollins goes for the stomp, a mascot in a Prime Energy drink outfit saves Paul and they set up Rollins on the Spanish announce table. Apparently, this fool is known as KSI and he's a buddy of Paul. As he films a selfie of Paul's immiment splash off the top turnbuckle onto Rollins, Rollins pulls him on the table and Paul splashes the goofball, instead.

Rollins immediately thrown Paul into the ring, hits a pedigree, but just misses a 3-count. Rollins goes for the stomp but gets scooped up in a Go-To-Sleep, CM Punk style. Then comes a big splash from Paul but Rollins escapes barely. Paul goes for a coast-to-coast dropkick but gets kicked right in the mush. Rollins finally hits his curb stomp and gets the pinfall

MCWAY:
Six woman Tag match is up. I like the comic book entrance for Trish and the tag champs. Lots of Damage control, switching in and out of the ring and sneaking up on the opposition, Lita in particular, to get a bunch of near falls.

Now they're posing for the crowd, while stepping on Lita and nearly choking her out.

Lita escapes a double-team, drops both opposing foes on their heads, lunges to tag Stratus. She's a house of fire, complete with lick-the-palm chops and head scissors, including one outside the ring (with an assist from her partners) to toss Kai onto her buddies.

Stratus tags Lita and then gets on all fours to try "Poetry in Motion" (The Hardy Boys they ain't)!

Lynch gets a flying leg drop into the mix but gets a two count. Lots of scrapping ensures. But in the end a Bayley-to-Belly gets turned into a Man-handle slam from the second rope and the three count for Lynch wins it.

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