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45, Baby stepping back in after over a decade

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    I think it was 2010 the last time I really ran anything.Last real cycle I was running tren/test prop pretty heavy and it threw everything completely out of whack. My BP was 195/105 and my liver levels were thru the roof. My Doc gave me the 3rd degree and my wife was yelling at me. So I just got away from everything.
    Thru the years I maintained rather well. Size didnít change much, loss some over all strength but mainly became injury prone and just sore all the time. So I started taking TRT about 4 years ago, and take about 200 mg a week. My Doc sucks but itís thru my insurance and donít know a better one in my area.
    Then the good Olí Corona hit 2 years ago. I work in NYC, and was deemed essential to work and not to do anything of enjoyment in my life. Unfortunately my life has not returned to normal since pre pandemic. I ended a long relationship, put my dog down, and have had fallout with immediate family members. Anxiety/Depression/Anger Issues have plagued me sense. Iím taking meds today to keep me alert , but still know Iím not in a good place.  Iím your average NYC asshole today, by the way I hate this shithole.
    Iím currently living alone outside the City now, and going to try to do start doing the things I did back in my happier days. So Iím getting back into working out and get my mental health on track.I canít think of  better motivation for working out than my 1st cycle. I put 25lbs of solid muscle and was shoulder pressing sets of 225.
  So Iíll be running EQ mixed with my TRT. I canít even remember what I ran back then. I remember taking a shot every 3 days and was terrified of sticking a needle in my ass. I lifted eight years prior to taking anything. The feeling of struggling with 3 plates and the unbreakable wall. With EQ I just busted thru like the Kool Aid Guy.
  Iím reaching out for positive motivation right now. Iím basically trying to get healthy. The steroid section of bodybuilding forum isnít probably the most advised.But, Iím struggling and need to shake this shit. Hopefully getting physically right will have a chain reaction.
   I could use a good meal delivery source? Cooking is not my forte.Iím shooting to lose weight on my cycle, so I guess Iíll keep the dose low. My Doc sucks, so getting Anvar is out of the question, he wouldnít even give me HCG. Lost hooks thru the years and I canít get orals. Mind you I never really taken much of them.

  So does 200mg every 3 days for 14 week along with my 200mg week trt make sense.
Iíll try getting a high protein low sugar meal prep delivery and see the Chiropractor every other week for my lower back issues.
    I suffer from A.G.E. also, and it fuckin sucks.

By the way, Iíve been a member for 11 years and this was my 1st post. Sleeper Cell

What you are going to do with all the drugs makes no sense at all.

You're already on TRT which is kind of ridiculous as you are only 45.

As far as positive motivation, it's good to hear you are going to get in shape and train.  That is commendable.

You have some understandable serious issues with your mental state because of all the stuff you've recently gone through.

You're at the age now where you should look to keep your health as good as possible and getting on steroids is not wise.

You would be like a middle-aged woman who thinks plastic surgery will make her young again.  They usually come out looking worse.

Do some introspection and try to see what your real problems are in your life and address them.  Maybe get some counseling.

It's not easy.  Good luck,

   Not the positive motivation I was looking for, but itís an opinion.If you havenít been where Iím at, I guess itís hard to understand. The enjoyment is gone right now, on all levels. I have reached out and tried SSRIís, Ambien, Valium and even Adderall. This Avenue hasnít worked.
  Iím looking for motivation to get out and put a healthy structural routine together to not let my mind not wonder and keep it out of a shit place. Iím only trying to get in the best shape possible and have a more positive outlook.
  When the hell did adding 600mg a week to TRT become a lot of drugs?

You could be right, maybe 400-500mg a week would be me suitable for my goals. Iím walking around at close to 225lb these days. I could lean to 205-210 easy with a quality diet.


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