Dear Diary: a place for fleeting thoughts and daily ponderings.

[Phantom Spunker]

Finally back in the gym. I think this was my first workout since that fucking dumbass shaved my hairline off back in August. I then slipped a disc heroically picking up a marble table, and then COVID raped me. I also really could not be assed at all with anything to do with working out. Feels good to get my mojo back. I did an all-over pump session to get the muscles working again, then a 20-minute run. I've also been living off carbs but my physique hasn't really taken a massive hit. A few months and I'll probably be back to my usual self.

[Phantom Spunker]

Jesus Christ, my tits are in agony today; I can barely lift my arms. I only did a few sets on the bench. I've also come to the realisation that I'll never love anything as much as I love my Belstaff jacket. I would like my naked body to be thrown into a ditch when I die, but I want the jacket to be preserved and displayed in a museum somewhere.

[Phantom Spunker]

Today I had a look through a friend’s Tinder and it’s sent me over the edge. Some of these girls even had tits showing ( ). I want to run through these stupid prey animals and devour them like a ravenous lion roaming the African savanna. I want to own their bodies and souls like a benign Ted Bundy. I cannot continue to live life as a neutered and pacified beast - fettered by societal norms; saddled by the weight of empathy; muzzled by the protocol of monogamy. Let me out of the cage to do what I was made to do! Alas, I don’t want to be single and rather like what I have.

I suspect it’s mostly just raw biology going into overdrive and too much time apart, but perhaps it’s also a manifestation of other things – life’s tempo, ego, and an awareness of growing older. Regardless, there is no virtue if I am ruled by bestial impulse as opposed to being the author of my actions. I am going to speak to a qualified therapist and address this before I lose my mind. I'm already imagining (hoping) that she's going to be a Sharon Stone lookalike who will flash the gash like in Basic Instinct.

[Humble Narcissist]

Today I had a look through a friend’s Tinder and it’s sent me over the edge. Some of these girls even had tits showing ( ). I want to run through these stupid prey animals and devour them like a ravenous lion roaming the African savanna. I want to own their bodies and souls like a benign Ted Bundy. I cannot continue to live life as a neutered and pacified beast - fettered by societal norms; saddled by the weight of empathy; muzzled by the protocol of monogamy. Let me out of the cage to do what I was made to do! Alas, I don’t want to be single and rather like what I have.

I suspect it’s mostly just raw biology going into overdrive and too much time apart, but perhaps it’s also a manifestation of other things – life’s tempo, ego, and an awareness of growing older. Regardless, there is no virtue if I am ruled by bestial impulse as opposed to being the author of my actions. I am going to speak to a qualified therapist and address this before I lose my mind. I'm already imagining (hoping) that she's going to be a Sharon Stone lookalike who will flash the gash like in Basic Instinct.

We are spiritual beings living in animal bodies with animal urges.

[Phantom Spunker]

With regard to short guitar solos, does it get much better than Jeff Beck's 'Blaze of Glory'? Perhaps only Little Wing surpasses it. Beastly tone:

[Phantom Spunker]

I'm now officially a landlord 💪. Lord of the land and all who inhabit it. Can't wait to brutally exploit some Chinese millionaire students.

[Grape Ape]

Congrats sir!

[Phantom Spunker]

Congrats sir!

Thanks, mate. It's a big relief. The process has been a massive ball-ache.

[Phantom Spunker]

Recycling is really starting to get on my tits. It's a mug's game. 'Here, have 150 different-colored stupid bins and sort everything into separate piles for us, then memorize all the various days of collection.'

Ummm... how does 'fuck off' grab you? I've already bought your shite, overpriced tins and cartons. They're mine now. If I want to launch them off a cliff then I will, and you go collect them if you want them back so badly. Or go create some jobs and hire a bin-raker to do it. Ain't no one got time for that.

[Humble Narcissist]

Recycling is really starting to get on my tits. It's a mug's game. 'Here, have 150 different-colored stupid bins and sort everything into separate piles for us, then memorize all the various days of collection.'

Ummm... how does 'fuck off' grab you? I've already bought your shite, overpriced tins and cartons. They're mine now. If I want to launch them off a cliff then I will, and you go collect them if you want them back so badly. Or go create some jobs and hire a bin-raker to do it. Ain't no one got time for that.

[Phantom Spunker]

Splashed out on a memory foam pillow and mattress topper. Lord have mercy! Really hope I get in a car crash tomorrow so I can spend a month in here. I honestly can't imagine how good it would feel to be on morphine and lie on this.

[Phantom Spunker]

Splashed out on a memory foam pillow and mattress topper. Lord have mercy! Really hope I get in a car crash tomorrow so I can spend a month in here. I honestly can't imagine how good it would feel to be on morphine and lie on this.

Amazing: Got my stupid fucking wish with my back tweaked again. And all from standing up. What sort of faggot cripples themselves by standing up? And I've got tired eyes these days. It truly is the end of the Vitruvian era. No longer shall I be in Ibiza getting the girls. I'm going to jump feet-first into a wood chipper.

[Phantom Spunker]

Back has eased off a bit. Put the Christmas tree up today and feeling good. Going to smash the gym tomorrow. Will see the doc in December to discuss getting an MRI of the discs. She's told me she's also going to check my prostate. Absolutely disgusting. I told her on the phone I condemn that decision in the strongest way possible.

[Phantom Spunker]

Wish I became a stripper. Would love to dress up as a dancing bear and gyrate a bunch of Mexican slags while Robert Palmer's 'addicted to love' blasts out of the speakers.

[Phantom Spunker]

Wish I had a time machine and I could shag Blondie in her prime. She was unreal.

[Phantom Spunker]

My usual trolling strafing-run on YouTube engendered a brief but painful existential crisis a few days ago. I was listening to the late, disabled pianist Michel Petrucciani and was about to leave a 'he always struggled to put food on the table' joke, but my appreciation for what he was able to create during his short (no pun intended) time here made me feel guilty.

I'm glad my back is fucked. I'd like to rip it out and snap it like a German Shephard. I am frustrated by the realisation that I'm not giving enough of myself to the things I care about. There is nothing worse than being weak and apathetic. By the time I'm dumped in the ground, I intend on being a completely worn-out, broken down husk. I want every ounce of energy I expend to be in some way related to the people and things that matter to me, and if anything from that effort endures and remains there for others, then there's been a point to it all.

I'm scared I'm involuntarily being led down the same path as Tolstoy, though. I need to balance everything out with frequent visits to the 'Biggest Gallery of Natural College Chicks' to maintain my sanity and avoid becoming too gay.

[Grape Ape]

Strap your ruck to the back of your legs, find a table, and do poor man's reverse hypers.

[Phantom Spunker]

Strap your ruck to the back of your legs, find a table, and do poor man's reverse hypers.

I'll hopefully have an MRI done next year, but I suspect I'll need disc replacement eventually. I think I've just worn them away. It went again the day after doing hypers and the lying leg curl machine (nh). Not done reverse hypers for a while, though. Will start them at the gym tomorrow.

[Humble Narcissist]

I'll hopefully have an MRI done next year, but I suspect I'll need disc replacement eventually. I think I've just worn them away. It went again the day after doing hypers and the lying leg curl machine (nh). Not done reverse hypers for a while, though. Will start them at the gym tomorrow.

I would quit lifting. Try calisthenics or qigong instead.

[Phantom Spunker]

I would quit lifting. Try calisthenics or qigong instead.

Lifting wasn't what caused it. I don't deadlift any more and I've given up on squats now, too. I can still run, box, smash upper body, etc. It's stupid things like getting out of a car or carrying stuff that tends to make the discs herniate - or whatever is happening.

I trained chest today and did a very light leg workout, complete with reverse hypers. Everything feels good just now. I think incorporating calisthenics would probably help a lot, though.

[Phantom Spunker]

I got fingered today. I was expecting the process to be so emasculating that I'd need to chop down a tree or challenge a man to a duel afterwards, but thankfully the doctor was a slender old woman who made the procedure rather painless. My prostate is fine and I likely just have an overactive bladder. Still - any man or woman who goes near a man's ass for sexual pleasure is a complete and utter freak. Disgusting. How the fuck did Stuntmovie manage to get finger-blasted by a male doctor and end up ejaculating? Something went monumentally wrong in that scenario.

As for my gay spine, there's not much that can be done at this point other than more physio. I did get a script for diazepam, though, which is awesome.

[Phantom Spunker]

Been listening to a fair bit of TOOL lately and I like it. As a young teenager who just wanted to play grunge stuff on guitar, I'd dismissed them as a bit self-indulgent and pompous, but that was just me being opinionated. Been listening to a lot of good music from a variety of genres, actually. Might need to put it all in a thread.

[Humble Narcissist]

I got fingered today. I was expecting the process to be so emasculating that I'd need to chop down a tree or challenge a man to a duel afterwards, but thankfully the doctor was a slender old woman who made the procedure rather painless. My prostate is fine and I likely just have an overactive bladder. Still - any man or woman who goes near a man's ass for sexual pleasure is a complete and utter freak. Disgusting. How the fuck did Stuntmovie manage to get finger-blasted by a male doctor and end up ejaculating? Something went monumentally wrong in that scenario.

As for my gay spine, there's not much that can be done at this point other than more physio. I did get a script for diazepam, though, which is awesome.

Did you ask her out?

[Phantom Spunker]

Did you ask her out?

Couldn't even look her in the eyes afterwards.

[Primemuscle]

I got fingered today. I was expecting the process to be so emasculating that I'd need to chop down a tree or challenge a man to a duel afterwards, but thankfully the doctor was a slender old woman who made the procedure rather painless. My prostate is fine and I likely just have an overactive bladder. Still - any man or woman who goes near a man's ass for sexual pleasure is a complete and utter freak. Disgusting. How the fuck did Stuntmovie manage to get finger-blasted by a male doctor and end up ejaculating? Something went monumentally wrong in that scenario.

As for my gay spine, there's not much that can be done at this point other than more physio. I did get a script for diazepam, though, which is awesome.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/prostate-orgasm-what-it-is