Dear Diary: a place for fleeting thoughts and daily ponderings.

[AbrahamG]

Lord have mercy. Apparently stress can cause Bell's palsy.



Fuck that. I am taking up mindfulness and maybe some diazepam in my morning coffee.

She'd make a great centerpiece for a bukkake soiree. 

[Phantom Spunker]

She'd make a great centerpiece for a bukkake soiree.

Imagine going out for lunch with her and she's trying to drink soup or something. Must be mortifying.

[AbrahamG]

Imagine going out for lunch with her and she's trying to drink soup or something. Must be mortifying.

I'd ask the hostess to sit us in the back with the coloured folk. 

[Phantom Spunker]

I'd ask the hostess to sit us in the back with the coloured folk.

Impromptu dinner-date with Goodrum.

[Taffin]

James Corden is a fat annoying bastard. I'd love to boot his tits over his shoulders.

100%

I don't understand why everyone doesn't feel like this - I can't put my finger on it, but he's absolutely unbearable

I think that, subconsciously at least, at the heart of it is that old saying that fat people are always friendly - because they can't fight and they can't run away

And he's taken it to a nauseating extreme...

[Phantom Spunker]

100%

I don't understand why everyone doesn't feel like this - I can't put my finger on it, but he's absolutely unbearable

I think that, subconsciously at least, at the heart of it is that old saying that fat people are always friendly - because they can't fight and they can't run away

And he's taken it to a nauseating extreme...

Yes!

He exudes a pitiful combination of desperation and insecurity in all that he does. A lot of these porkers are the same - always trying to demonstrate that they possess a singing voice or some similar trivial attribute that they think should save them from society's trashcan. As a result, all of their interactions with others appear somewhat inauthentic and contrived because their brains are always in 'panic' mode. And, of course, once they're panicked, the only thing that will calm them down is pancakes and Dr Pepper.

[Phantom Spunker]

Holy fuck, that final episode of Peaky Blinders was awesome. I was hating the first few episodes, but then it became this very dark and moody slow burn where you could tell it was leading up to something special. All the themes of regret, and time, and loss - it was awesome. And the cinematography was incredible. That scene with Arthur and Jeremiah masking up was probably the coolest scene of the entire show.

[Taffin]

'Brutal if true' is starting to affect my real life. Even when I get WhatsApp messages from work regarding serious incidents and important updates, it takes every fibre of my being to resist replying with 'brutal if true.'

Mate - I've lost count of the times I've almost posted a GetBig style (i.e. honest) response to something out there in 'the real world' and then realised at the last second - what the fuck am I doing? LOL

The one I'm most tempted to employ in totally despicable situations is, "would hit"  Even... no.... especially when I don't actually mean it!

Thousands of years ago, before I found GetBig, there was a website called ChristWire, where Poe's Law ruled - it was my first attempt at trolling people - deeply enjoyable

[Taffin]

Do you remember the halcyon days of Yahoo Answers when it had a green format? I started a massive race-war between Blacks and Asians on there and it lasted for years. I went down as a trolling legend by the end of it and had fans messaging me for a long time after, lol. Sounds brutally pathetic when I actually admit to it, but it still makes me laugh.

Must admit I don't recall that, but it sounds right up my street - did you pretend to be both sides, or just one?  I pretended to be an ultra-Christian - not quite as ultra as those Westboro Baptist lunatics though

One of the ones I remember enjoying was when I wrote about coughing during a prostate exam while the Doc had his digit inserted.  I pretended I was concerned that he'd thought I'd enjoyed it, and so kept coming back to say things like I didn't like the way he looked at my naked body, he cupped my balls a few seconds too long, etc... I had the lefties in howling rage at my 'homophobia'... Lasted a few weeks - towards the end I'd kind of convinced them I was latent and about to come out to my faithful Wife, so they were getting all supportive.  I started asking questions about things like rimming, poppers and lube that they answered earnestly...

Also sounds pathetic - but who gives a fuck - it was hilarious

[Taffin]

I'm so stupidly tanned just now that it looks completely fake. I also had to walk two fat, little pugs earlier - one of which has a pink harness and lead. I've never looked or felt so brutally, horrifically gay before. I could sense the public staring at me and wishing they could send my perverted soul straight to hell.

I'm going to be honest and just say straight out that I'm jealous of the tan

And I probably already told you this, but back around the beginning of March we picked up a miniature Dachsund that I've named Kiel (short for Kielbasa)

Because he is short-haired, my Wife has already bought him a variety of outfits, and one of her favourites is a little Arun Polo-neck

Who walks him though?  Me, of course

[Phantom Spunker]

I'm going to be honest and just say straight out that I'm jealous of the tan

And I probably already told you this, but back around the beginning of March we picked up a miniature Dachsund that I've named Kiel (short for Kielbasa)

Because he is short-haired, my Wife has already bought him a variety of outfits, and one of her favourites is a little Arun Polo-neck

Who walks him though?  Me, of course

I've spent almost every weekend tanning on a roof for months, lol. I thought I looked ace but now everyone is calling me Dale Winton and David Dickinson  . I remember you saying about the Dachsund. I love all dogs but these fat little fuckers with their colourful leads are too much! I'm absolutely raging with the dog shelter down in London, though. They fucked me off and said they couldn't place me with the one I applied for 'this time'. I've literally owned the breed before and have no kids.

[Taffin]

I've spent almost every weekend tanning on a roof for months, lol. I thought I looked ace but now everyone is calling me Dale Winton and David Dickinson  . I remember you saying about the Dachsund. I love all dogs but these fat little fuckers with their colourful leads are too much! I'm absolutely raging with the dog shelter down in London, though. They fucked me off and said they couldn't place me with the one I applied for 'this time'. I've literally owned the breed before and have no kids.

What breed are you looking at?  Sorry, I can't seem to see it in the posts above

(And it's no kids that you know of... )

 

[Phantom Spunker]

What breed are you looking at?  Sorry, I can't seem to see it in the posts above

(And it's no kids that you know of... )

 

Haha, fuck, that's true. There's probably one or two in a few dark corners of the world. I'm wanting to get another mastiff. I've applied for a Cane Corso and a Boerboel but I'm not having any luck. I suspect the places might already have owners lined up, but it's probably for the best right now, anyway.

[Taffin]

Haha, fuck, that's true. There's probably one or two in a few dark corners of the world. I'm wanting to get another mastiff. I've applied for a Cane Corso and a Boerboel but I'm not having any luck. I suspect the places might already have owners lined up, but it's probably for the best right now, anyway.

PFFT!!  Gay dogs

You need something as macho as mine - note the multi-point harness so I can restrain his awesome power!



 

[Phantom Spunker]

PFFT!!  Gay dogs

You need something as macho as mine - note the multi-point harness so I can restrain his awesome power!



 

Haha, he is awesome. I'd have no shame in walking him. I hate that I must look like a wannabe hardman but I feel like my soul is bonded to mastiff breeds and particularly the Boerboel now. It just means that if I get one again soon, I commit to being home.

[AbrahamG]

I'd love to catch that meddling cow from Murder, She Wrote sneaking around my house, looking for clues and shit. I'd give her such a bloody hiding.

LMFAO!  Angela Lansbury!  Wow.

[Taffin]

I'd love to catch that meddling cow from Murder, She Wrote sneaking around my house, looking for clues and shit. I'd give her such a bloody hiding.

Would it be vaguely sexual..?

[AbrahamG]

🤣 you guys are killing me.

[Taffin]

It would be brutally sexual in nature. I'd lace up my steel toecaps and give that old gunt between her legs a frightful kicking. have you ever accidentally smashed your balls so hard (on a bicycle frame or something) where all you can do is lay on the ground clutching your crotch while emitting a low-pitched groan for ten minutes? That's what she'd be doing once I'm done with her.

If I'm going to have a snooping dilettante lurking around my premises like a little creep, then it had better be a moustachioed hunk like Magnum P.I.

I have indeed.  I was about 14 IIRC, and strangely enough, in a biological mechanism I have never understood,  it caused me to vomit reflexively... not projectile, you understand?  And just one 'heave' if you follow... Like the incident itself wasn't embarrassing/upsetting enough in itself!

I'm thinking of adding a 'Fuck Angela Lansbury!' T-shirt to my line of bootleg GetBig merch... watch this space...

[Phantom Spunker]

I wish I became a tailor; it's such an awesome skill to have. It must be such a relaxing and gratifying job.

[Phantom Spunker]

Listening to Billy Joel's 'Vienna'.

[Taffin]

Currently in panic-mode and deleting all my YouTube comments.

LOL why..?

[Phantom Spunker]

I generally refuse to watch anything with Tom Cruise in it, but I went to see the new Top Gun tonight with my two friends, and I must say, it was really good, haha. Utterly ridiculous in parts, but it had a nostalgic feel to it and they kept the cheesy 80s vibe. Felt great to be back in a cinema and doing normal things.

[Phantom Spunker]

Today has been a morning of unbridled savagery. I didn't realise I'd have to strip to my boxers for a skin check. I ran for a quick piss beforehand, and obviously didn't shake too well. when I stripped off, my heart stopped as I glanced down at yet another massive patch of piss spread out across my light blue boxers. I'm fucking turning into Liam Neeson or some shit. It was a female doctor, too.

And to top it off, I'm a fat cunt. I barely even have a hint of abs right now. I've ate 24 packs of scampi fries over the past two days. This has been the wake-up call I needed. It's time to stop fucking about and get back into fitness properly - diet included.

[Phantom Spunker]

Oh, my! I fear I've become rather enamoured of the brutally-whorish, genetically-predisposed-heart-attack-victim-waiting-to-happen Miley Cyrus. She's got a great stage presence (no homo) and has a pretty awesome voice for covering a range of styles. She absolutely smashes this:

And she's actually looking pretty hot here. I could imagine a dangerously gay man like Primemuscle quickly becoming over-excited watching this live and having to be tazed by the police after galloping around on an imaginary horse and windmilling his penis at everyone.