Sorry to break up the "
grunting police" thread....
Just needed a sounding board and perhaps a few of you could give me your thoughts, good or bad.
Some of you know I'm a personal trainer, have been for about eighteen months now.
I've been very liberal with my clients and we discuss many things, often issues of a personal matter during training.
Though it's discouraged, I've dated a few women I've trained (on the DL) and up until this point it hasn't been issue.....
.....until Suzanne.
She was an RN, outpatient nurse.
Slightly built, model-like figure, gorgeous hazel eyes, dark hair and creamy pale skin. A mixture of Greek and Danish ancestry, she looked unique.
She was reserved, quiet, open, honest.....all good qualities.
She chose me as a trainer and we began to have a discourse while I trained her.
I didn't find her attractive at first because her hair was dyed blond, which changed her whole look.
She did this at the behest of her husband, whom I would hear about for months to come.
She told me the intimate details of their boring sex life, his premature ejaculation issues pretty much killed her ability to orgasm combined with the fact that he was very vanilla (sexually) and not very good at it either.
He is one of these religious zealots who doesn't masturbate (religious reasons) and can only get off through intercourse (whether she wants it or not).
She had stopped believing in their religion a long time ago and this was one of many reasons she had left him for extended periods in the past.
She'd left him, considered divorce/separation, though never cheated on him.
Until me.....
It started harmlessly, when she gave me her number and asked me to call her if I had any earlier openings than her customary 7:00 am slot.
I called her, gave her the info and that was that.
Our conversations continued at the gym and things were just copacetic.
Then.........she called me on a Friday night and asked to meet me outside of the gym.
I asked "
why", she said she wanted to meet me in another setting.
Again, I asked "
why".....
Then she started whining (
how women whine when they become impatient) and I agreed to meet her.
.........this was the point of no return for me, for us.
I knew she was married, albeit unhappily, and that this was way over the line, yet I just didn't catch myself or think about it.
I really did wonder what she wanted from me.
I was open to being friends, but wasn't comfortable with sex.
A dark night, about 8pm.....the park, the parking lot.
I got in her BMW and we talked for awhile.
Pheromones are a dangerous thing and it was obvious that there was mutual attraction.
She'd let her hair go back to it's natural dark brown color as I'd suggested a month before and that night I found out just how thick that hair can get. Greek women, that thick hair they have, she had a bush that was off the chain (for those of you who know I like it thick).
The bottomline that night was that I gave her an orgasm (manually), the first one she'd had in quite awhile from a man. Her husband just wasn't able, which she detailed afterward ad nauseum. Because of his premature ejaculation issues, he had to masturbate her with a dildo just to get her off, he couldn't eat pussy and he never wanted anal.
After I tasted her for the first time, I realized that this was dangerous for both of us.
She wanted to come over to my apartment that night, and I held back, told her to be patient as I wasn't sure I wanted to go deeper with her.
Over the proceeding few weeks she pressed and asked and bemoaned the fact that I wouldn't let her in my apartment.
We met at the park, mostly, had lunch during my break and laid together under the shade.
This happened numerous times and you don't realize how close you become to someone just by being around them.
Between us it was as much romantic as purely sexual.
I liked her, she liked me.
I think it was apparent (looking back now) that she'd decided beforehand she wanted sex with me.
I was the patient one and I really found it ironic that a woman was pressing me for "
something".
I don't remember when, exactly, but after about two weeks of this, I relented and above my warning that the apartment was a mess, she came over.
It was a night during the week and I was watching ESPN, drinking Merlot, which she had a glass of.
I was "
OK", but the alcohol makes her tipsy....small girl.
She started climbing on me like a cat, kissing me, getting in to me and as much self-restraint as I have.......it was too tempting and too delicious.
I took off her clothes, led her to the bedroom........
There was no time for foreplay.....all I remember of the sex was opening the Trojan wrapper, that familiar warm feeling, the comfort when I was inside her, then the reverberation of her ass tight up against me while I pounded her doggy. Her skin was so pale, she glowed in the dark. The sex was hard, rough and her moaning was all I needed as motivation to keep going.
That was the first time......
There were many more times thereafter.
Afternoon, night.......morning once.
Things were moving fast.
She asked me if I'd eventually give her a key. (A key?
)
She left a bag with all her haircare/femmenine products in my apartment.
She left a pair of clothes to change in to as well.
She left alot of that thick Greek hair as well.
Then came the questions....
Would you get a vasectomy?
Do you want kids or not?
Things you ask someone you're dating when you're
SINGLE, not
MARRIED.
I suppose she was looking forward to me as a prospect after, but I really can't be sure what she was thinking.
We had sex so many times, even that aspect of our relationship was progressing. I knew the ins and outs of her body by heart.
I was the first to introduce her to anal.
Little did I know that I was becoming attached.......not to the sex, but to her as a woman.
Yes, I know many of you will wonder how I could ever want a relationship with a woman who was cheating on her husband with
ME. How could I ever trust her in a relationship?
I don't know. I just knew I was getting in too deep.
Things slowed down around Thanksgiving as she had family over from out of state and couldn't get away.
I really started to question myself, ask if any of this was worth it not to mention the fact that I was starting to care for this woman.
Late November she decided to give her husband another chance, and was trying to juggle both me and him sexually.
When she told me about this, I refused to share her sexually, ending that aspect of the relationship.
Not at first, though, we still had sex several more times....each time with her saying "
this is the last time..."
I didn't believe her and by that time I was not in the mood for the back and forth bullshit.
I'm not sure what her thinking was.
I told her that if she was indeed going to "
renew her commitment to her husband", I wanted sex with her one final time, that Thursday.
She came over on Wednesday afternoon right before I had to leave for work.
No idea why, as there was no time for sex or anything really....
She wanted to spent time with me or see me, but I didn't understand why (though I think I do now).
I was disappointed in her cutting me off, going back to the husband after we'd done so much.
I was gradually weaning myself off of her.
On that fateful day, Thursday, I remember she called me about the time I had to go to work.
Don't remember the conversation, until the end when I asked her whether she was coming over or not.
"
I'm not going to ask you again, Suzanne......"
She said......"
OK", with a loud sigh and that was the last I spoke with her.
........until about a week ago.
She called me to ask about whether I'd ever been STD tested, because she'd developed a sore on her upper leg (about a month and a half after the last we'd had any sexual contact), to which I said no.
I'm not promiscuous and outside of this, I really only have sex in relationships so hearing about this was a shock to me.
She was going in for bloodwork on Monday and I arranged to meet her at the lab so we could have some time to talk.
Turns out that about three weeks after she stopped having sex with me to "
renew her marriage vows", her and husband had "
the final argument" leading to her moving out and getting an apartment, filing for separation.
When I heard that, I was disappointed, upset and wondering why she hadn't contacted me earlier.
Evidently, sometime during the time she was away from me her old boyfriend from high school (married unhappily) had contacted her, found her and they had begun seeing each other.
No sex yet, but they'd made out and she told me she wasn't looking for anything serious.
I made it clear to her that during our meeting that I wanted a chance at a relationship with her now that she was separated.
Of course, she said no, due to her coming out of the marriage which I do understand.
What I don't understand is her ability to go from me to another guy in a matter of a couple months.
It seems almost like she figured I'd written her off, moved on and replaced me with the very next guy who came long.
So, bottomline.......I got an STD test on Tuesday for her benefit because I seriously doubt I have anything.
She said that she wouldn't consider me for a longterm relationship because we have too many differences and she needs to think of her kids first, which I understand.
I asked her if we could remain friends, despite everything and she is considering it, pending the results of the STD test.
I don't even know if a friendship would work between us, probably too much sexual chemistry.
What I want to know is
HOW I got so attached to a woman with so much baggage, issues when it's never happened before.
If I could explain the qualitlies she possesses in words, I would.....
Those of you who are married/involved with a woman you adore, the kind you dream of, would understand those qualities I'm talking about.
Classic beauty, quiet serene sense of grace. A good mother. A nice woman. Not to mention the sexual chemistry.
My better judgement has been disabled throughout this whole thing and if it was on, it would tell me to forget about her and appreciate the time we had.
I just can't help feeling that I'm missing out on something "
good" simply by being with her.
Despite all my better judgement, I'm still considering a relationship with her down the road if it becomes available.
As I look back on the times we had......the many nights.......the way we worked well together when we were just "
together" (sexually or not), I long for that kind of closeness with a woman.
In this world, you don't get many opportunities to meet someone who works for you in the most important of ways and I feel (despite the obstacles) she is one who works.
I'm not someone who "
needs" a relationship, never have, but I also realize that there are only so many chances.
That's basically where I am now.
I never would have believed I'd be in this position.........
EVER.
I met the ideal woman for me, someone else's soon to be ex-wife, mother of three kids, a woman who cheated on her husband with me.........yet I can't get over her.
Regardless of whether you like me or not, please read my words and give me some insight if you can.
I need a voice, I need some thoughts.
Even if you want to condemn me for fucking a married man's wife, at least give me something.
This is all new to me.......and I'm not liking it.
SPEAK.DIV
