Reflections of a recreant pervert: a hermeneutical approach to understanding why I shat myself.
After going against my intuitions and the advice of others, I decided to watch the movie Hereditary recently and see what all the fuss was about. Thankfully, I have emerged almost unscathed from the experience; however, it did leave my girlfriend flinching like a battered wife and suffering from minor PTSD for approximately 24 hrs. I, too, am forced to admit that after the film ended, I also found myself bracing in anticipation of encountering some demented bitch with a stupid face hanging from the ceiling or lurking behind the door of each room I entered.
I was amused by my reaction because I don't believe in the supernatural, and at the risk of sounding macho, I could be on fire and not show much panic, and I've never felt like I've been in a situation that I couldn't fight my way out of. Why, then, was I disturbed by the thought of some little retard bombing it down my corridor at me, when in reality I'd have just one-timed them in the face and sent them back to hell?
After thinking about it, I suspect that it was just the thought of doubting my own mind and being unsure of my cognitive faculties. On a deeper level, we know that we cannot trust our senses, but in the every-day context where we expect our eyes and ears to consistently relay an accurate depiction of the immediate world around us, the thought of suddenly losing control over that and being faced with strange apparitions inspires fear.
Some scenes were also quite memorable for the way in which they created tension through displaying unnatural emotions on the characters' faces – for example, inappropriate smiles and expressions suddenly changing. I suppose that lingered in the back of my mind afterwards as it reminded me of what I saw when I smoked really strong weed as a young teenager once and brutally hallucinated.
Even after unpacking it all and ultimately enjoying the movie, I think I'm done with horror films for the next little while. I’ve started watching The Sopranos for the first time and will binge on that for the next week, as it's really good.