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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Lord Humungous on September 26, 2006, 12:18:26 PM
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Wifey and I have lost some passion in our 5 years of marriage and 4 years of dating. Any suggestions for giving it a kick in the pants? We are more like buddys than a couple.
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Lord H, I think it's wonderful that you ask this and I want you to know that having been married for years there may be times where there are "lulls" but they do not last if you don't let them!
My first and foremost advice is that you buy and read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
That book was a huge part of SAVING my marriage after the horrible first 2 years. Both you and "D" ;D should read it and APPLY it to your lives.
I will send you a copy if you like. I buy them 10 at a time and give them away. I cannot stress how great this book is. Your address would be kept completely confidential or I could send it to your work or a PO Box or something.
If you've already read it, you both should read it again and APPLY it to your lives.
More later.... :)
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My first and foremost advice is that you buy and read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
STella, I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y started reading through this book not too long ago.
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Lord H, I think it's wonderful that you ask this and I want you to know that having been married for years there may be times where there are "lulls" but they do not last if you don't let them!
My first and foremost advice is that you buy and read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
That book was a huge part of SAVING my marriage after the horrible first 2 years. Both you and "D" ;D should read it and APPLY it to your lives.
I will send you a copy if you like. I buy them 10 at a time and give them away. I cannot stress how great this book is. Your address would be kept completely confidential or I could send it to your work or a PO Box or something.
If you've already read it, you both should read it again and APPLY it to your lives.
More later.... :)
Thanks Stella, we have been going through some really rough times lately and I know where my marriage will end up if it continues. I would love to have a copy of the book!!! I'll pm you my address and leave me a way to send you check, or I can mail you a payment via paypal if you like.
Thanks from me and D ;)
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Thanks Stella, we have been going through some really rough times lately and I know where my marriage will end up if it continues. I would love to have a copy of the book!!! I'll pm you my address and leave me a way to send you check, or I can mail you a payment via paypal if you like.
Thanks from me and D ;)
No. I don't want a check. But I'm sending you an additional book as well! It's called "Discovering the Mind of a Woman." (ok...and the inevitable joke...."short book eh?" ::) )
I think Colossus may have read or started that one too.
My husband was playing golf w/a guy in Arizona whose marriage had been in the craphole. He read that book (I haven't read it) and I'm not sure how he applied what he learned or not but I guess everything got turned around for the better!
Since I have not read that one I really suggest you read "The 5 Love Languages" first. And if "D" reads it too, and you both apply it, things will change so positively...I guarantee! Even if only one person reads and applies it things improve immeasurably.
It took me awhile to get my hubby to read it but just from me reading and applying it things were good whereas before they bit! When he read it and applied it too, things became great! I'm very grateful for that book and that is one reason I share it w/so many people. :)
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Wifey and I have lost some passion in our 5 years of marriage and 4 years of dating. Any suggestions for giving it a kick in the pants? We are more like buddys than a couple.
What aren't you 2 doing that you were doing before to keep it's others interest? Are there any resentments between you two? Is there "Us Time only", in other words no distractions like TV or hobbies, but an honest time alone with you two to just be with each other? Just a couple of things I could think of.
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What aren't you 2 doing that you were doing before to keep it's others interest? Are there any resentments between you two? Is there "Us Time only", in other words no distractions like TV or hobbies, but an honest time alone with you two to just be with each other? Just a couple of things I could think of.
Im not really sure Flip, like I said we are just more like friends and thats it. We still go out and have dinner and a movie but their just isnt much magic between us anymore.
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When you receive the book you'll both be better able to determine what the other needs. Another great book is "His Needs, Her Needs" by ____ Harley.
I'm sending both of those other books today!
One thing I heard once was that a lady had determined that she wanted a divorce from her husband. She retained an attorney but wasn't quite ready to act immediately. She asked the attorney what she should do to ensure that her husband would suffer horribly from the divorce. The attorney told her to treat him extremely well, tell him how great he is all the time, do things for him, tell him she loved him, etc. and when she left, he would miss her and feel horribly that she was gone.
The attorney saw her at the grocery six months later and asked when she was coming in to get started on divorce. She said, "Divorce? What divorce? After I started doing those things you said things have been fantastic at my house!"
I had a friend who was having trouble in her marriage. She was coming to really dislike her husband and treating him like crap. Both were pushing each other away. She didn't want it to end but she was miserable. I told her that if he is not getting his needs met at home - which doesn't alway mean sex, but words of affirmation and appreciation, etc - there are women that may swoop in there and take him and would that be OK w/her? She said no.
I told her to start acting toward him like a woman that was trying to steal him away. To act like whatever his "mistress" would act like. They are doing great and she's quite happy herself :)
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Im not really sure Flip, like I said we are just more like friends and thats it. We still go out and have dinner and a movie but their just isnt much magic between us anymore.
Does she still excite you physically at all? Do you excite her?
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STella rocks!! :D
and is rockn'roll...
why is it that all of these bestsellers from LA (self-help books) come out 3 years after I ought to have read them?
I often think I could have written it myself in that time.
Still, I read them all.
xL
ps: Is passion prostration (for a woman?
But it's so much easier to be nice. Doesn't get you far sometimes, but where do you wanna go?
& I can't figure out why anyone would be anything other than wonderful, always, every day >>> to a man they feel passionate about.
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and is rockn'roll...
why is it that all of these bestsellers from LA (self-help books) come out 3 years after I ought to have read them?
I often think I could have written it myself in that time.
Still, I read them all.
xL
ps: Is passion prostration (for a woman?
But it's so much easier to be nice. Doesn't get you far sometimes, but where do you wanna go?
& I can't figure out why anyone would be anything other than wonderful, always, every day >>> to a man they feel passionate about.
I guess you have never been in the real world have you.
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I guess you have never been in the real world have you.
only mine darlin'
xxxL
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Im not really sure Flip, like I said we are just more like friends and thats it. We still go out and have dinner and a movie but their just isnt much magic between us anymore.
Those things usually are about the sex. You could try doing it every day... it's one of the best ways of being close with someone. Also, doing it completely differentlly and everywhere... like tearing her clothes off the second she comes home from work, or when she's getting something out of the fridge... or in the car, etc... conversely sometimes a vacation apart helps too, especially if you're always together and never get a chance to miss each other.
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Those things usually are about the sex. You could try doing it every day... it's one of the best ways of being close with someone. Also, doing it completely differentlly and everywhere... like tearing her clothes off the second she comes home from work, or when she's getting something out of the fridge... or in the car, etc... conversely sometimes a vacation apart helps too, especially if you're always together and never get a chance to miss each other.
I agree. DO little kinky things to spice up your love life. Sexy/dirty emails, love notes, lingerie, etc. Make it more interesting for the both of you. :)
PB
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I agree. DO little kinky things to spice up your love life. Sexy/dirty emails, love notes, lingerie, etc. Make it more interesting for the both of you. :)
PB
All the things you do in the beginning, but tend to get forgotten over time. :)
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Touch her more. Come up behind her and rub her shoulders. Hold hands now and again when you're walking or driving together. Spend some extra effort on making yourself look and smell good. Start working on the little things that you lost or have taken for granted over the years. If you truly wish to make things work, you have to go to work on what made you both so special together in the first place.
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Touch her more. Come up behind her and rub her shoulders. Hold hands now and again when you're walking or driving together. Spend some extra effort on making yourself look and smell good. Start working on the little things that you lost or have taken for granted over the years. If you truly wish to make things work, you have to go to work on what made you both so special together in the first place.
hold me... ;D
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hold me... ;D
ROFLMAO, but the joke is you know I'm right dude. That's the kind of stuff that keeps people together. Compromise, extra effort and not taking eachother for granted.
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ROFLMAO, but the joke is you know I'm right dude. That's the kind of stuff that keeps people together. Compromise, extra effort and not taking eachother for granted.
I think it goes deeper. You can talk yourself in or out of anything. If you keep in mind the positive about your mate everyday and forget the little petty negatives it helps create a positive ground for your mind to link with your heart and you can "show" love on a regular every day basis.
that being said..fag.. ;D
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I think it goes deeper. You can talk yourself in or out of anything. If you keep in mind the positive about your mate everyday and forget the little petty negatives it helps create a positive ground for your mind to link with your heart and you can "show" love on a regular every day basis.
that being said..fag.. ;D
Very true you can talk yourself into and out of anything for sure...Note to all, if you repeatedly wake up and want to vomit when you think about your spouse, then talk yourself into leaving ;D
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Touch her more. Come up behind her and rub her shoulders. Hold hands now and again when you're walking or driving together. Spend some extra effort on making yourself look and smell good. Start working on the little things that you lost or have taken for granted over the years. If you truly wish to make things work, you have to go to work on what made you both so special together in the first place.
Yo, thats a big part of it, we just dont have a huge attraction to one another anymore. I think im way more physical as far as touching her or rubbing her shoulders and holding her hand. We went through some rough shit a few years ago when she was in a deep depression ( we found out it was caused by her birth control, only took 5 doctors to figure that out), and she was on a bunch of meds and really didn't want to do anything let alone get crazy with me and that went on for almost 3 years. So I guess I hold that over her even though I dont think I do, it must be in the back of my mind.
My job has me on the road a lot and she gets mad at me over it. I try and do things like a clean up the house or do some laundry for her if I'm working out of the house and I try to make sure I have decent clothes on and I'm showered and looking/smelling nice when she comes home( She does the same for me when I'm on my way home). Nothing seems to wow her. She wanted a new car I got her one and she was like "great a new car" she wanted some jewelery when I got it for her she was like " wow thanks it great". She is just really even tempered and nothing seems to get much of a reaction from her. I think maybe its just me, maybe I just dont want to be married anymore?
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ROFLMAO, but the joke is you know I'm right dude. That's the kind of stuff that keeps people together. Compromise, extra effort and not taking eachother for granted.
Yes, those are the things that keep people together and in love... but is that what keeps the passionate red-hot fire alive? :-\
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honestly................ ...........i just admire laura's shapely figure
that brings the passion back in a hurry!!
Edited for tact and couth >:(
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:-*
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honestly...........................i just admire laura's shapely figure
that brings the passion back in a hurry!!
Thanks Mike, mind if I take a peak at Cheri's T&A and see if im inspired? ;)
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Thanks Mike, mind if I take a peak at Cheri's T&A and see if im inspired? ;)
I'm assuming you are joking here. But it leads me to ask if you look at girlie mags or even admire other women - and if so, is your wife aware of either?
Have you and D talked about the lack of passion? And what she would like you to do to inspire some? I've heard that for some women, foreplay begins as soon as the man helps her with household chores. I'm assuming that would be true with me, but I don't think I'll ever find out. ;D
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Yo, thats a big part of it, we just dont have a huge attraction to one another anymore. I think im way more physical as far as touching her or rubbing her shoulders and holding her hand. We went through some rough shit a few years ago when she was in a deep depression ( we found out it was caused by her birth control, only took 5 doctors to figure that out), and she was on a bunch of meds and really didn't want to do anything let alone get crazy with me and that went on for almost 3 years. So I guess I hold that over her even though I dont think I do, it must be in the back of my mind.
My job has me on the road a lot and she gets mad at me over it. I try and do things like a clean up the house or do some laundry for her if I'm working out of the house and I try to make sure I have decent clothes on and I'm showered and looking/smelling nice when she comes home( She does the same for me when I'm on my way home). Nothing seems to wow her. She wanted a new car I got her one and she was like "great a new car" she wanted some jewelery when I got it for her she was like " wow thanks it great". She is just really even tempered and nothing seems to get much of a reaction from her. I think maybe its just me, maybe I just dont want to be married anymore?
Have you thought its not what you do for her its how you "hear" her? Many times in situations where people cheat it goes beyond the physical part of something new and its someone reaching to be heard and have someone show a intrest in what they are saying and feeling. I know many people start to let the physical part slip and then touching only becomes forplay for having sex and people start to think "oh he's being nice" because he wants sex. I could be way off here but thats my thoughts.
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:-*
Wow Mike, your bride has the cutest smile and elf ears hug her once today from all of us...:)
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Wow Mike, your bride has the cutest smile and elf ears hug her once today from all of us...:)
She is indeed very beautiful.
PB
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Those things usually are about the sex. You could try doing it every day... it's one of the best ways of being close with someone. Also, doing it completely differentlly and everywhere... like tearing her clothes off the second she comes home from work, or when she's getting something out of the fridge... or in the car, etc... conversely sometimes a vacation apart helps too, especially if you're always together and never get a chance to miss each other.
Migs is going to wet himself when he reads this! ;D
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Yo, thats a big part of it, we just dont have a huge attraction to one another anymore. I think im way more physical as far as touching her or rubbing her shoulders and holding her hand. We went through some rough shit a few years ago when she was in a deep depression ( we found out it was caused by her birth control, only took 5 doctors to figure that out), and she was on a bunch of meds and really didn't want to do anything let alone get crazy with me and that went on for almost 3 years. So I guess I hold that over her even though I dont think I do, it must be in the back of my mind.
My job has me on the road a lot and she gets mad at me over it. I try and do things like a clean up the house or do some laundry for her if I'm working out of the house and I try to make sure I have decent clothes on and I'm showered and looking/smelling nice when she comes home( She does the same for me when I'm on my way home). Nothing seems to wow her. She wanted a new car I got her one and she was like "great a new car" she wanted some jewelery when I got it for her she was like " wow thanks it great". She is just really even tempered and nothing seems to get much of a reaction from her. I think maybe its just me, maybe I just dont want to be married anymore?
Bro, there might be the problem too. I was working 14 hr days, 6 days a week and started noticing that there was nothing I could do to keep her happy. I finally quit and got a lower paying job, with less hours of course, and the resentment she felt went away. Since leaving that job, our relationship has become more an interest in each others daily activities. Although currently now, I stay home to take care of our 2 year old daughter, I still take the time to have fun with her too. Lol, one of the 1st things that got us more involved with each other was when we started taking Ballroom Dancing. Did it for 1 year, till we moved away from the studio, but we would spontaneously hum a song and just dance around the house and laugh every so often! Keep searching bro and don't give up. Eventually you might find out what the deal.
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Hey every one thanks for the insite! I will take some bits and pieces from everyone and see what happens when I read the book STella sent( ya STella I look at other chic sometimes, yes she knows, she encourages me to be honest).
Thanks gang!
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Wow Mike, your bride has the cutest smile and elf ears hug her once today from all of us...:)
always sore
playboy................. ...thank you ,she is indeed beautiful inside and out
im a lucky old musclehead and i love her deeply!
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always sore
playboy................. ...thank you ,she is indeed beautiful inside and out
im a lucky old musclehead and i love her deeply!
Maybe you missed that bride thing Mike ;D
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Wow Mike, your bride has the cutest smile and elf ears hug her once today from all of us...:)
I have elf ears?
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I have elf ears?
I don't think so. Elf ears to me are kind of pointy or irregular shaped.
I am sorry Cheri, but I believe you actually do *not* have elf ears.
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I think he meant elfin-like... you know, as in impish, pixie, cute... :)
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I think he meant elfin-like... you know, as in impish, pixie, cute... :)
ohhhhh. Kewl! ;D
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I think he meant elfin-like... you know, as in impish, pixie, cute... :)
you always get me...:)
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butt love. Nothinig mre passionate than a women trying to get revenge after that! Sorry that's the tequila talkiong
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So... did you eat the worm?
;D
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the tequila there and food was soooo good. But back on the topic. It's sad to see passion fade. It's funny to hear that a couple is going to go to some exotic place to find passion. If you didn't have passion before you left, i'm not sure you will find it while you are at some place
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Excellent point Miggy.
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thnak you
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i totally believe this preface..
esp the last 2 lines..
lets not demean passion by appempting to put it in words
http://www.literaturepage.com/read/doriangray-1.html
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Lord H, I think it's wonderful that you ask this and I want you to know that having been married for years there may be times where there are "lulls" but they do not last if you don't let them!
My first and foremost advice is that you buy and read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
That book was a huge part of SAVING my marriage after the horrible first 2 years. Both you and "D" ;D should read it and APPLY it to your lives.
I will send you a copy if you like. I buy them 10 at a time and give them away. I cannot stress how great this book is. Your address would be kept completely confidential or I could send it to your work or a PO Box or something.
If you've already read it, you both should read it again and APPLY it to your lives.
More later.... :)
Is that book just at a local bookstore or do you have to order it online?
Lisa