> Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
> The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
>
>
> Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
> Doc says "I´ll give you some cream to put on it."
>
>
> "Doc, I can´t stop singing the green green grass of home."
> "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
> "Is it common? "
> "It´s not unusual."
>
>
> A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
> "My dog´s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
> "Well," says the vet, "let´s have a look at him"
> So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
> Finally, he says "I´m going to have to put him down."
> "What? Because he´s cross-eyed? "
> "No, because he´s really heavy"
>
>
> "Doctor, I can´t pronounce my F´s, T´s and H´s."
> "Well you can´t say fairer than that then"
>
>
> So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up,and he
> said ´You´ve been promoted.´
> And I swerved.
> And then he rang up a second time and said "You´ve been promoted
> again.´
> And I swerved again.
> He rang up a third time and said ´You´re managing director.´
> And I went into a tree.
> And a policeman came up and said
> ´What happened to you?´
> And I said ´I careered off the road.
>
>
> Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other
> "Does this taste funny to you?"
>
>
> Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the
> other was eating fireworks.
> They charged one and let the other one off.
>
>
> "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
> They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ´Parking Fine.´ So that
> was nice."
>
>
> A man walked into the doctors,
> The doctor said " I haven´t seen you in a long time "
> The man replied "I know I´ve been ill"
>
>
> A man walked into the doctors,
> he said "I´ve hurt my arm in several places"
> The doctor said "well don´t go to those places"
>
>
> I had a ploughman´s lunch the other day.
> He wasn´t very happy.
>
>
> I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
> couldn´t find any.
>
>
> I bought some HP sauce the other day.
> It´s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
>
>
> Two blondes walk into a building..........yo u´d think at least one of
> them would have seen it.
>
>
> Phone answering machine message -
> "...If you want to buy marijuana........... ..press the hash key..."
>
>
> I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
> couldn´t reach the meat off the top shelf.
> He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
>
>
> My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
> A strong currant pulled him in.
>
>
> I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel .
>
>
> Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
> with hundreds and thousands.
> Police say that he topped himself.
>
>
> Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
> The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"
>
